Family Friends Terminated Relationship And I Am Confused How To Deal

Let it go. This is broken. If someone yells this way after coming to help, then the relationship is broken. Let it go.

 

@sanjuruby3, put yourself in their shoes. If somebody treated you the way your DH treated this couple, would you want to be around them?

People with self-respect walk away from abusers if they can. This young couple's reaction is healthy. Let this friendship go, you can't fix it.

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@sanjuruby3,

Very bad situation, ma. As long as you step around real elephant in room and refuse to deal with it this type of situation will continue.

Let this be a lesson to you. Your h is an ass, and I say that in the nicest way. These are YOUR friends and YOUR parents friends so he has no stake in being nice to them. He perfectly fine insulting them. He is completely self serving as he does not do this with his friends and family. At this rate you will have no friends left because of this man!

Look I can see you are dealing with your challenges. Rightly or wrongly you have given up on your h and decided to use your energy in going around him, trying to move on and so forth. While that is laudable as you can see this strategy works only for some things.

Even in nanny case you left final decision up to him and issue prolonged unnecessarily finally you only had to tell your manager and get scolding and deal with nanny walking away. His life was unchanged. Why you allow this?

Don’t defer so much to him. That’s why he is doing Tandav on your head. Set some limits and take back your power to make decisions!

Sanju my friendly advice to you is to tell your h to either put up or shut up. Be very firm. Right now he gets to lay down the law, and behave badly with NO consequences. All consequences and cleanup is by you. Stop allowing this. He is taking you too much for granted my dear, and the more you let him get away with this crap the worse it’s gonna get.

Eg in case of nanny you should have given ultimatum that if he won’t allow you to fire her he’s gonna have to stay home with kids! If he wants to make decision make sure he is ready to bear consequences! And make him do it. But you couldn’t or didn’t.

Now in case of these friends, MAKE him call them and apologize. They are your friends. Insist on it. Start giving ultimatum. If I were you I would throw a royal fit. Stand over his head, no cooking nothing till he calls and apologizes! And if he doesn’t do it, give the same treatment as he did to his chosen friends. Let him see how he likes that!

It’s possible you are fed up and exhausted dealing with this man but you have to learn the art of firmly setting an ultimatum and making him do it. If you don’t start now it will never happen. One fine day You just have to decide enough is enough and do it. No one is going to come and invite you that time has come.

 

They have no reason to accept the crap your husband throws at them and yet maintain friendship with you guys.

If it was me in that lady's place, I would have told your husband to mind his tone and watch his words and would have left the party right away !
Nobody wants friends who do not know the concept of RESPECT and GRATITUDE

Even if they talk to you now, it wont be the same like earlier. IF you expect things to be like before - thats a ridiculous expectation.
They are not your servants you'd get from hometown to help with house work. Just because you belong to same town/city back home does not mean you treat them the way you did.
If your husband has anger issues, that's your and your H's issue. Dont expect everyone to deal with his issues for the mistake of being friends with you.
Its over OP. Forget the friendship and next time you make friends be prepared this episode can repeat.
Instead of trying to fix this relationship - fix your H

 

Let this go OP. Familiarity breeds contempt. Your situation is a perfect example for that. Such scenarios are very common now a days especially among families living abroad. We get way too close to make up for absence of our own families and then small things can upset the entire relationship. In your case, it’s not a small issue but you get my point right. Let this go and next time, please make sure to always maintain a respectable distance with anyone as long as your husband’s attitude doesn’t change.

 

Good idea. This notion of laying the groundwork for a future relationship with only the OP could be a useful thing, for a woman living with an angry husband: An easy to reach safehouse is a good thing to have when emergency strikes, and the woman has to escape.

 

The wounds really heal only when those who caused it apologize after repenting for it. If your husband is not going to approach this way and not even consider this as an issue to be resolved until now, it is difficult to make it work. In my view, they have retaliated by blocking your phone calls as well in response to ill treatment of your husband. Accept it gracefully and if you need to continue your relationship with your parent's neighbors (his parents), you need to explain what happened and express your regret to them. They may help to resolve the issue amicably.

If you normalize the relationship, what is the guarantee that they would not be treated again like this unless you are able to talk to your husband make him understand his problem? You need to fix the source of the problem first before you make an effort to fix the relationship issue with a friend.