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My Mother-in-love

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by jayasala42, May 12, 2019.

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May 13, 2019 #31

Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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Dear Smt. Jayasala:

When you joined IL, I read your wonderful article about how you restored your husband back from the loss of memory and your MIL's help in handling the whole situation. Your tribute to your MIL is worth every word contained in your snippet. What a remarkable woman! Having lost her husband at an early age, being dependent on her parents, marriage of her children could have brought some fear in her mind. But her faith in the Lord that everything good would happen and every one of her child will have great life going forward with their respective spouses made her think positively and welcome the partners with great heart.

Frankly, the credit should go to you as well as you have understood her situation very well and treated her like a mother, teacher and a guide throughout your life. The two way conversations between the two of you should itself be an invaluable guide for your children and grandchildren. I was very moved when you said you remember her whenever you read my article about mind. I am humbled by those words.

Finally, it will be appropriate to end this response by saying only a remarkable woman could recognize another remarkable woman and pay this kind of tribute.

Viswa

Viswamitra, May 13, 2019

Viswamitra, May 13, 2019

#31

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May 13, 2019 #32

jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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Thank you Viswa.I think you are referring to my snippet
fiction/253113-a-journey-through-mind.html by Jayasala42
written in Apr 2014.That was actually a rewinding memory of events that took place in 1988.
I can never forget the help rendered by my MIL amidst her anxiety and worry.
She deserves a great tribute .She was a pillar of strength to us all. But there is an end to human life.Now we live in her memories.
Jayasala 42

jayasala42, May 13, 2019

jayasala42, May 13, 2019

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May 13, 2019 #33

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Beautifully written JS Madam @jayasala42 .
Really miss such noble souls like your MIL

Greenbay, May 13, 2019

Greenbay, May 13, 2019

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May 14, 2019 #34

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Dear JS Mam
Thanks for sharing such a beautiful snippet on your Mother-in-Love. a beautiful tribute. You must be blessed to have such a loving and supporting MIL
Happy Mother's day to you too.
Regards

jskls, May 14, 2019

jskls, May 14, 2019

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May 14, 2019 #35

jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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Thank you Lakshmi Madam. I am really blessed.With her simplicity and genuine care she was able to radiate happiness in the family.
jayasala 42

jayasala42, May 14, 2019

jayasala42, May 14, 2019

#35
May 14, 2019 #36

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jayasala42 said: ↑

Today being ,Mothers' Day, I bow with reverence to my mother-in-law.She was actually more than a mother to me, a mother-in-love.This is a 100% truth.
Her name, Ponnammal, as the name indicates was golden in character,conduct and behaviour.She lost her husband, in a bullock cart accident on vaikunta Ekadasi day while travelling to Srirangam with her husband and children.He was 32, a tall hefty man ,very good in handling bulls.As ill luck would have it, the bull became uncontrollable, he left his wife and three children at home, only to go back and get caught in the same place.The fulcrum of the wheel got disjointed, poked his thighs ;.He died the next day. The lady took refuge with her parents with three children aged 7,5 and 3.

Her father being a conservator of forests had his quarters amidst forests in Travancore-cochin samsthan in 1900s. The children, all daughters were taught at home by Nair ladies in Kerala.
By 15 she had a good knowledge of Tamil, malayalam and Sanskrit and a lesser idea about English.
She had to depend on her parents for every single pie from the great disciplinarian forest dweller, Thatha.
My husband and his brother and sister were brought up with much love,affection and strict discipline.
When my marriage was fixed with the second son,my parents were very much anxious for my becoming the dIL of a lady widowed at a very young age and the possibility of her being depressed could not be ruled out.
As I entered as a new vadhu into the grandfather's village home, my MIL welcomed me with a smile.She told me that I would have full freedom in the house to express what I felt and what I wanted.Thatha wanted to test me on a few occasions with awful questions, which I answered with smile.
From day 1 ,she was living with us for nearly 32 years, but for a few months' gap.
She had respect for educated girls.She was willing to learn whatever is good from me and from my children also.She had orthodoxy to the core, sometimes impractical to observe. Yet when pointed out she accepted that what I felt was correct and she was trying to win over the constant struggle between her mind and intellect.When ever I read Viswa' s article on 'mind' I am reminded of her.
She could very well place herself in the position of a new vadhu who might have been brought up under different situations.
During every festival, she used to enquire what was the custom in our house and if I don't find it comfortable we could follow my parent's customs and slowly switch over.
There had been occasions when I had been depressed or worried.She allowed me to grieve and after two or three days slowly asked me what my problem was, whether I could share and if within her limits she would be of help.Such a consoling word, I would not have got even from my parents.
She never pointed out mistakes when the process was on.She would take time, see the situation , discuss with me after office hrs and told categorically that my idea would never work out and the pros and cons.
Her arguments were highly based on indisputable logic . On many occasions she had conceded to my arguments also.
I can never forget the conversations we had from 6P. M. to 6.45 daily after coming from office.At 5, she would have finished cooking, some vathal kuzhambu or rasam and eagerly wait for me and enquired what happened in the office.My son used to comment as 'MIL-DIL session'
On the first day, she asked me,'enna padichchunde?( what did you learn?) Then she explained that every day you will have some experience in which you learn something ,which can be transferred to her also. My respect towards my MIL( mother-in-love) grew day by day and I almost became her fan.

We also faced worst situation in 1988 when my husband met with a motor bike accident.He had severe head injury, with bruises all over his body and fracture in his shoulders, ribs and elbow.
The word'accident' was a night mare for her since she lost her husband in road accident.
She was unconsolable,but came to terms with the reality, built up courage and was a pillar of strength to me and my children.
My husband was in coma for 25 days, and then operated for his fractures and came home after 45 days with total memory loss.
My full concentration was to prepare notes of lessons every day ,to train my husband to bring his memory back.My MIL took complete charge of the kitchen. Everyday she prepared a big chart of of events that took place 45 years back one by one in date wise succession.I had my own chart of alphabets, numbers, calculators, bank procedure etc.
Initial hurdles, sarcastic remarks by neighbours increased our anxiety. But my MIL never allowed even close relatives.She was much worried about the future/marriage of my children if some gossips are spread about the condition of my husband. She informed everyone that visitors are totally banned because they would be prone to infection.
What a grit and determination she had !Even though I was guided by neuro specialists as to how to impart training,
my MIl's role as a guide was the most important contributory factor in our success.She could understand the mind of every one at home including children.I would compare her to X ray unit.
She was never after gossip. She would spread only the positive points of others.
We have taken her to all the places from Kashmir to Kanyakumari when we went on Leave Travel concession.There was some inconvenience of cooking and washing the vessels , since she won't take food outside.
She knew so many historical facts which we ourselves didn't know. She would explain the difference between scriptures of cholas, Pallavas and Chalukya dynasties and narrate so many stories to children, as I was busy cooking food for her alone.
She wanted to have space and allowed her son/DIl to have full privacy. Not even once she opened my hand bag to see the contents. As she was free and could keep up secrets, we could easily discuss problems with her and had the advantage of her age and experience.
My sister-in-law's daughter had a down syndrome baby. My MIL ,casually going through the Hindu found an article about such children and about a doctor in Hyd treating such children.She marked the artcle with red pencil and kept it ready for discussion with me during evening session. Such was her inquisitiveness.

All my sisters and cousins were jealous of me for having the best MIL ( mother-in-love ).Even today she is held in high esteem by one and and all.
I have learnt a lot from her in 32 years which I could not learn from my parents. The greatest lesson is to ' how to be a good MIL' and she is an emulator to follow.Even if one possesses 50% of her traits she could fit well into any household with DILs having certain undesirable traits.

I dedicate this snippet to my dear MIL on this Mother's Day.

Jayasala42
Click to expand...

Dear jsmadam,
Very apt tribute to the great lady on Mother's day. Presence of such a great mother in law in your life.... Very very lucky you are!!!! Though technically she is not in this world she is always alive in your thoughts.
One has to learn how to live life..
she set an example.
Syamala

shyamala1234, May 14, 2019

shyamala1234, May 14, 2019

#36

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May 14, 2019 #37

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Dear Jayasala,

What a heart warming tribute you have paid to your MIL. I know how difficult it is to deal with an orthodox and conservative lady, but the way you have dealt all the issues that come along with it, hats off to you. Remarkable lady she was, what with her amazing attitude in handling even the most difficult situations in life- both of you shine like precious gems! No words to describe my appreciation here.

Agatha83

Agatha83, May 14, 2019

Agatha83, May 14, 2019

#37

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May 14, 2019 #38

Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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Viswamitra said: ↑

Dear Smt. Jayasala

When you joined IL, I read your wonderful article about how you restored your husband back from the loss of memory and your MIL's help in handling the whole situation. Your tribute to your MIL is worth every word contained in your snippet. What a remarkable woman! Having lost her husband at an early age, being dependent on her parents, marriage of her children could have brought some fear in her mind. But her faith in the Lord that everything good would happen and every one of her child will have great life going forward with their respective spouses made her think positively and welcome the partners with great heart.

Frankly, the credit should go to you as well as you have understood her situation very well and treated her like a mother, teacher and a guide throughout your life. The two way conversations between the two of you should itself be an invaluable guide for your children and grandchildren. I was very moved when you said you remember her whenever you read my article about mind. I am humbled by those words.

Finally, it will be appropriate to end this response by saying only a remarkable woman could recognize another remarkable woman and pay this kind of tribute.

Viswa
Click to expand...

A tear jerking FB indeed.
Thanks & regards.
God how is that every DIL = 0.5 MIL IN AGE and how wonderful if they remain 24 x 7 accommodative and birve between them technology transfers.

Thyagarajan, May 14, 2019

Thyagarajan, May 14, 2019

#38
May 14, 2019 #39

Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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Agatha83 said: ↑

Dear Jayasala,

What a heart warming tribute you have paid to your MIL. I know how difficult it is to deal with an orthodox and conservative lady, but the way you have dealt all the issues that come along with it, hats off to you. Remarkable lady she was, what with her amazing attitude in handling even the most difficult situations in life- both of you shine like precious gems! No words to describe my appreciation here.

Agatha83
Click to expand...

How I wish I too had expressed appreciation like you.
OP & you are of same or near about in wave length in aesthetic expressions of branches of life.
Thanks and Regards.
GOD created Life Emotions Multi Dimensional.

Thyagarajan, May 14, 2019

Thyagarajan, May 14, 2019

#39
May 14, 2019 #40

jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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shyamala1234 said: ↑

Dear jsmadam,
Very apt tribute to the great lady on Mother's day. Presence of such a great mother in law in your life.... Very very lucky you are!!!! Though technically she is not in this world she is always alive in your thoughts.
One has to learn how to live life..
she set an example.
Syamala
Click to expand...

Thank you Madam,She lives in our thoughts. Even today when there are certain problems we used to discuss how Amma would solve it.
Jayasala 42

jayasala42, May 14, 2019

jayasala42, May 14, 2019

#40

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