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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ravioli1970, Dec 27, 2018.

  1. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I wouldn't go from the US to Dxb. Reasons are manifold. From what family tells me the economy seems to be doing poorly. They are all looking for alternatives outside the country as well. Mostly back in India or in ANZ.

    I understand you can't go to India. I would look at going back to FS if I were you. Like @1Sandhya has pointed out, women are finding it easier to re-enter the market. I urge you to look into starting somewhere this new year. Start with a small course online and obtain relevant certifications. Network with friends and find ways to get your foot in the door somewhere. Don't keep waiting for your husband's career to fix itself.
     
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  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @ravioli1970 can i pitch in..not from the us..but married for 25years, stopped working as my priorities were different, and we decided one of us would work. when we decided 25 years back, i had the opportunity of joining a govt organisation, moving abroad on a job, but then some decisions look right at that point. now coming to where we are, we have two kids, both studying, while one of them gets a stipend for her training period, while the other is in for a long haul of 12 more years..

    so cutting it short, we have been climbing up the ladder from the word go.. it has been slow and steady, every year, we sit back and look at what we have achieved. be it in as people, as parents, as couple, as for our financial goals. the kids were in the picture, they knew when we had to meet ends, they know when we are comfortable and they have adapted and adjusted and have been cooperative. don't underestimate the kids..the kids would be willing to help you in ways you may not be expecting.

    ah coming to the job markets, it is not easy in india, nor is it easy in dubai, you do not have info on the shabby picture of current economy of dubai..may be reading a few bloggers insight would give you the real picture..of supermarkets, to banks closing down..same in the case of other gulf countries, especially IT not that great. at 50, it is hard, to fight with the new gen or new blood in the market, unless you are flexible, and evolve instead of being a rolling stone. the rolling stone, is not appreciated unless there is splendid career graph to define it.something we tell all those who listen, never extend beyond your repayment capacity, be it india or anywhere.. there are not many permanent, it is my job forever situations anymore even in india.it looks so , as they say grass is greener on the other side.

    coming back to finances, sit down, write it down together, ask your kids to pitch in with fresh ideas, see where things can b e done differently. once used to a lifestyle, it is hard to let go is true when you can afford, but when you know it is drilling a hole, you try a little more. if it were india, i would suggest renting the place, moving to a smaller place, and asking that husband of yours to stay put and find any job, improve his skills, instead of moving on to jobs..high time, he fights to succeed.

    in your case it is too long period and i feel he is kind of resigned to his way, and is not trying hard enough and you have been an enabler. it is easy to say the 40's is the new 30's and the 50's are the new 40's but is hard if you do not have plans and a soft cushion to fall back in case of situations like this. there needs to atleast 6 to 1 year money that is kept for untoward situations like losing a job. give him a timeframe for doing something and that it is not helping at all..don't dip into your reserves like fds or insurance policies or asuch at any cost. financial planning is to be taught at school. and the mind set we will think about tomorrow tomorrow, let me have fun today mindset of many(i see a few around me) has to be realigned.

    find a better paying job in the fs if that is your core strength. try unless you try you are not going to know. your life, your reins, pull them a little tighter,,,

    may the new year usher a better clear picture for you..
    i may not be putting it across in a proper manner..have been in a yo-yo whether to write, then whether to post...
     
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  3. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    "WHICH I GET"? This is what "I" don't get. There is no point holding on to fake image for society when everything inside is crumbling. HIs brother can help knock some sense, but you won't tell him? Your H is drinking himself to a stupor, he is having health problems because of that, he is depressed! What will it take for you to NOT get it? What are you waiting for? Will it not come out anyway, God Forbid, if things get worse than it is? I truly wish things turn around for you guys, but I don't see any sense in withholding information when situation is so dire.
     
  4. shinycalif

    shinycalif Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Ravioli1970,

    Its indeed a difficult time for you though I don't have any experience with this situation and I am a strong believer of not leaving your job or your profession when entering parenthood, nevertheless I just wanted to share the below article with you. There are a couple of organizations that help women who have had a long hiatus from their profession due to personal reasons and this article would shed some light on it. In US the term is Returnships and you can re-enter the workforce if you are selected for it and the pay is pretty decent too. There are many organizations like Path Forward, Power to Fly, The Mom project and many more. Also they could be anywhere so I would even suggest if you could move for a couple of months and get the experience and exposure and then move back to your city for a job. Of course you would need your family's support for it which is a personal decision. But just wanted to share this with you and other women who are in the same boat. Its a tough way to re-enter the workforce but atleast there are opportunities like this here, I am pretty sure something like this is not even available in India. Please keep up your hopes and if you can put some efforts into educating yourselves on new technologies just some idea then you can even re-enter in the sales or marketing profession in the IT industry which again is pretty competitive and pretty robust in pay. There are many work from home options if you are open to sales which is highly pressured but worth the pay. All the best.



    Moms, 2018 Is Your Year To Get Hired
     
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  5. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    That’s good to know Ravioli sounds like you have a good perspective on this.
    More anecdotal info from my circle- a lot of women whose h are in this age group this is what happened. As soon as kids reached hs or college they went back to work some started small with home biz. For some it took off. For others, after Couple of years when it didn’t take off need for money became pressing they turned to leveraging their degree and went back to work ft. The logic being if I ‘m gonna put in the hours and work my ass off I might as well get paid market rate and get benefits for it. Around same time the h’s took early retirement and opened either a consultancy with few steady clients or joined a startup. Of course no one came out and said this or that is the reason but in hindsight it makes sense doesn’t it?

    Drop the idea of going to Dubai or India. It’s not gonna happen. You know why? your kids. They will flatly refuse to leave the place that’s home and you can’t or won’t be able to force them now. You will get more cooperation from them by telling them what’s going on and brainstorming solutions together as a family than by proposing to move bag and baggage to a strange country. No one will agree to it.

    That’s why I am saying think clearly. Make a list of your assets and what solid foundations you do have. And work off that. I don’t think you are at the point where you need to do a wholesale do-over. Some good did happen. Your house. Your citizenship. Your kids education. Don’t give those advantages up. Use it to build further by changing your perspective.

    Your h is in IT. Not just tech and finance all sectors need good IT workers but unable to lure away the good ones due to salary. Eg learning or educational software, publishing healthcare so many are there where he will be hailed as a messiah. As Laks put it think lateral fields. Can he become an IT consultant and work remotely from your house while you do the ft job that bring in the health coverage? Then he visits the client sites once a month or so and they put him up pay for his travel and expenses. A couple I know the h does just that.
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2019
  6. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    Everyone handles problems differently. I was in similar situation a year back . I have to tell you all these years I never thought money was important but those long unemployment period of my husband knocked some sense into my head . My kid’s were under 12. I kept them updated with everything. I kept both sides of family informed about our financial struggles. Believe me when things get tougher family will provide immense mental support . There was time when I lost all hope but honestly during this rough time my husband side family stood like a rock while my family didn’t care much . Adversity helps you to identify who are your real family . My kids knew everything that happened and they became very frugal . Although my husband was not willing to work for minimum pay job I mentally prepared him to take if worst comes worst . I think it is time you open up your problems with your family and kids . This will help you to take some pressure off . I don’t understand your need to protect your kids here . If possible your kids should take some part time job and start sharing some burden . I think as women we try to take all problems on our head but it is not needed .
     
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  7. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Not the place for this but looks like many are peeping into this thread..


    First Ever Bank In The UAE & Middle East Receives A Bail Out!
    On a quiet Friday evening when everyone in the Middle East is enjoying their weekend the 1st ever UAE bank reached the point of a collapse (as we have been expecting & have warned everyone for years).

    Invest Bank of Sharjah had reached a critical point of collapse with lack of liquidity, capital, profits & massive loan losses & needed to be bailed out surreptitiously on a Friday afternoon today, 14 Dec 2018!

    100's of bankers will be fired as the clean up begins & expect more bank mergers over the next several months.

    Since Sharjah Govt is taking a majority stake hence, previous public shareholders (65%) will get wiped out & current top Emirati shareholders like Al Mazroei & Al Hosani & 2 privately held companies will lose their power & tons of money.

    More billionaires just lost a lot of money in the UAE!

    The banking mergers that have occurred recently in the Middle East are not a sign of strength or consolidation.

    These mergers are happening under secrecy with an intention to hide the rapidly rising losses along with lack of liquidity which is what makes the Middle Eastern banks more scary than anywhere else in the world because we simply do not know how bad the problems are.

    Finally, we can proudly claim that we have reached an "aha" moment that we have been predicting since 2015 with respect to banks in the Middle East.

    This is just the beginning of a massacre in banking in the Middle East since there is absolutely no liquidity in the markets & below you will see how many businesses have collapsed just in the last few weeks & won't be paying back anything to these banks.

    Such losses have been occurring since 2015 & the damage is so severe that multiple banking mergers are happening & now the 1st ever bank bail out has happened. More are yet to come.

    There are 2 banks with shareholding by Qatar one of which is United Arab Bank with whom Invest Bank was expected to have a merger since the past 2 years.

    However, due to the ban & crisis with Qatar the merger cannot happen any more.

    Which is what accelerated the crisis & this external catalyst led to the 1st ever Middle Eastern banking bail out today.

    Govt of Sharjah to acquire stake in struggling Invest Bank

    Meanwhile, several major super markets have collapsed in Dubai.

    News about one has showed up in the media yesterday since it cannot be shoved under the carpet.

    Over 20 supermarkets of Al Manama supermarkets have shut while the owners have fled the UAE after 40 years.

    Estimated losses are rumored to be around 5 hundred million Dirhams.

    Hearing rumors for the following supermarkets that owners may have fled, checks bounced multiple locations shut with 100's of millions in losses especially for banks & dozens of major suppliers & 100's of small suppliers & all the landlords:
    KM Trading
    Al Fathima Supermarkets
    Al Madina Supermarkets
    Al Ahli Supermarkets

    Another iconic & long term retailer that has been present in Dubai for at least 40 plus years, Sheeba Electronics in Meena Bazaar shall close in 6 months.

    Landmark Group has fired 2 dozen managers last week & is suffering losses in retail stores while they have been shutting their restaurants such as Mango Tree, Rivington Grill, Carluccio's etc.

    Sobha Group didn’t pay salaries 2 months ago due to which more than 200 employees ransacked their offices.

    At least 1 more Spinneys supermarket (besides the 20 year old Bur Dubai one) shut on Damascus St, Sharjah

    Several shops have shut in Yas Mall, Abu Dhabi & across all malls in UAE.

    Major 3 storey dept store of Chalhoub in City Walk (opened 2 years ago) will close in 2 months & fire about 200 employees.

    Bayer Pharma in Dubai has fired 80% of all their managers.

    Supermarket chain Manama shuts outlets after owner ‘flees’ UAE

    It is happening exactly as we have been expecting.

    Real estate & all asset prices are plunging as are the stock markets. Dubai stock market has been the worst in the world for the last five years & has dropped over 50%.

    In such a rapid downward spiral scenario where banks, schools, supermarkets, airlines, retailers etc are shutting down on a weekly basis & top paying jobs in banks, pharma companies, real estate developers, largest billionaire owned retailers etc are being culled in the thousands on a monthly basis, there is no way any business or employees can survive for long in such dramatic economic conditions.

    We are also expecting lot of turmoil between USA & Saudi/UAE Jan 2019 onward.

    Question is: Will a major Middle East real estate developer collapse next, or will it be another airline or will it be a bank?

    There is a race going on between major corporations on who will collapse 1st in the Middle East.

    P.s it is true..and the underground rumble is the worst is yet to come...it may look great picture as a tourist..
    p.s.s fish in known territories..when there is more at risk..
     
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  8. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    There is not a lot of truth in this whatsapp forward which has been circulating around.. i live and work here and my industry has a lot of banking clients and they seem to be doing well as we are getting a lot of projects from them that would help in future expansion..
    But as another poster pointed out moving bag and baggage to another country especially one without post retirement social security benefits isnt a great idea right now.. any relocation is stressful as it is.

    Right now the first thing would be to address your husbands drinking problem. He needs emotional support from you and also other people..involve family, trusted friends, counsellors.. everyone faces adversities in life. Some become stronger , some become weaker. Indians are not taught how to deal with failure well. Percieved Failure of any kind is looked down upon and hence people bury their failures and pretend all is well. I have seen families deep in debt borrow even more to keep up with social appearances. I am sure you are not doing that, but what i mean is there is a lot of pressure on a man to be financially successful and women to be successful in terms of their marriage and kids. So your husband must be going thru a lot, i give him that. But drinking is not the solution and it shows a weak mentality. I would even say you and yiur husband take a 2 week break and spend it in a meditation retreat. Some silence and some time away from the circus will help you with some more clarity.
     
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  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @Shreema86 my dh works in the industry,with exposure to few gcc countries, and it is really hard.. and the whole forward is to be taken with a pinch of salt, but there is truth and there is speculation but there is more to the picture then what is shared. i cannot share more details, so shared what is publicly shared..so let us agree to disagree..and we both are trying to say the same thing to the op..

    i just wanted to share that, to say, don't think jobs in dxb is easy..but yes a phoren passport may have leeway..as we see..
     
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  10. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    see this is huge concept you are asking for . you are asking for how to survive and how to do better financial management.

    basically this sounds rude. and i truly apologize for stating. also it is just my perception and it could be totally wrong.

    i think you are the first gen indians, got GC and Citizenship way too early. So pretty much you are true Americans. Your DH did not have a proper financial plan. how come your house is not paid fully. you should have got another house by this time.

    i am not patronizing, but if you happen to interact with the people who are in visa status (especially if they really open up ) you will be surprised how some ( not all ) plan for financial future.

    they buy houses in india, take loans on credit cars as it cheap here ( 0% apr) and pay the emi for those houses in india and then rent those house in india.
    my H has friends who were planning to get Alcohol license here and buy a liquor shop or buy a dunkin donuts.

    IF you DH was in management going to developer is not possible, it is very hard. I am very sure he also knows that, but how come he does not have any networks for referrals. Going to management, people have to do lot of connections or politics to stay in the game .

    Survival mode :

    why can't he drive Uber . I have interacted with lot of uber men and women who are working and do this in spare time. some do in full time too.

    like others said, you are protecting your kids too much. it would have been ok if your financial state was good.

    i feel there is a lot of ego involved, where he does not want to step down.

    financial management. you have to come out of survival mode to plan that. it cannot be delayed too.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2019

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