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Children Should Experience Artificial Hardships?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Rihana, Dec 16, 2018.

  1. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    I always thought this is the norm. My dean’s daughter babysat for us. My husband was a paper boy during I guess middle school and worked in restaurants during summer break. Most of my freshman students (Indian parents included) work on campus for extra money. Many have washed glassware in my lab for $10-12 an hour.
    It doesn’t pay them a whole lot but enough to take care of their expenses like gas, vehicle insurance, and partying.

    We didn’t have it easy but I don’t think anyone does. Hardships are different from generation to generation. Our parents generation thought we had it easy, we think our kids do.
    For delayed gratification, I think it depends on family. My 3.5 year old has been waiting for her doll house since her birthday in May because Santa is going to bring it if she is nice. Even she had to earn it. I guess we are too mean
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Several American parents I know do this with their kids. My very wealthy boss's daughter spent the summer before college working a variety of part-time retail jobs. I asked her why she wasn't enjoying her time off and she said she had to provide her own spending money. Parents would cover room, board, travel and books but anything else was on the kids to earn.
     
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  3. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I used to think this way. Most of my Caucasian friends did this with their kids and I felt that they were well-balanced kids. This year, I've changed my mind. The realization that it isn't a level playing field has finally dawned. My neighbor's son can be in the 22nd percentile of his graduating class, have moderate test scores and still get into the UT honors program and also get a partial scholarship. If my DD isn't in the top 7th percentile, have competitive SAT scores, have good summer credentials, she won't even make that program. Of course, no scholarships for our kids unless they are at the top three of their graduating class. For Asian kids, the graph is skewed as it is. They are under tremendous pressure to not only perform but outperform people of other demographics. Why add to it? If we don't need the money, I think it's best we let them focus on school and small chores.

    Once they are in college, most of these bookish kids of my friends are all going to work to supplement their allowance. They aren't all entitled brats that we seem to think they are. There are a few outliers but those are mostly the ones that went to private schools and have developed friendships with the uber-rich folks.

    They are all getting their hardships. It's just of a different kind. I couldn't have dealt with all this pressure. Even as we tell our child that it's ok with whatever she does, she knows deep within that it's very unfair. She is already feeling the pressure of being Indian, regardless of what her birth certificate says.
     
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  4. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Life hardships, do we need anything artificial when the existing ones need a lot of tenacity to deal with.
    When you guide them to responsible spending, values and more, the necessity of artificial hardships nullifies.

    I take my young man's example
    recently, the uni of the youngman, credited a 20% of the 100% of the stipend they are entitled and eligible in general, for studying pure sciences.(what happens to the 80% shhhh... not to be discussed), he called up and told us he has got this, and he is happy, shall i spend it on dinner when we are all together or give it one of his room mates who needs to pay for the the competitive entrance exams that is coming up, which the roommate cannot afford..well, we told him it is his decision..he paid the fees for the exams for the other kid..happy that he understands the value of money, and the priorities..

    he already suffers a lot without cribbing because he is happy with his choice of uni. the food is so bad, basic facilities inside nor outside the campus are hopeless.. a central uni does not get anything while the tax payers money gives the iit worldclass facilities.. well that is a different story... but he has not complained even once in the last 5 sems..

    This young generation, if i were to talk about indian scenario, onl y maybe 10% definitely need to be forcefed hardships because the parents compensate tooo much.. not sure if that is one of the reasons...going up to the bus stop, no have never done that. they did walk to it for 5 minutes and never expected me.. and i have never dropped them at college after the first visit, to see them enter into their respective colleges..
     
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  5. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    Couldn't agree more! Being a woman in Academia has opened my eyes to the unfair system that works against POC and even more so for women of color. Current stats suggest women of color need to be 3x more accomplished to reach the same level as white men.

    My kids are little and probably they will work some sort of job during summer/winter break when old enough but they will also have their tuition paid so don't have to worry about working full time while in college.
     
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  6. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    You consider getting a job and paying for luxuries a hardship? Adopt me!

    A parent's contract includes preparing the child for life. Getting and keeping a job, managing time, fiscal responsibility ... these are all steps toward adulthood.

    Jobs do provide money, but they also provide work experience, which looks good on a résumé at any stage of life. It will give the kid a leg up on the competition whether they're applying for college admission or a job.

    The world is getting smaller. A child's first "real" job may be in another country where the parent can't offer help and support. Young people should be self-sufficient, experienced and confident before they finish their education.

    Most of their peers have held summer jobs or part-time jobs and learned their way around work environments, workplace politics and managing money. Why handicap our kids by depriving them of this experience?
    .
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2018
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  7. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Aww I hope Santa brings her an awesome doll house with all the bells and whistles. :)
    .
     
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  8. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Gold IL'ite

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    If the kids have grand parents in india, you can send them over without the phone. Kids could wash their own clothes, take care of themselves, help grandma grandpa in shopping, look at the life style differences, might be educational.

    stories from grandpa, grandma are educational. They might tell, "your dad and mom complain about occasional power cuts, we didn't have power growing up. your dad and mom complain about going in rickshaw along with 20 kids. we walked 5 miles each way to get to school"
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    When parents can afford it, the child working for money or building character in high school or college takes a backseat. Especially among Indian parents. There is just so much else the child can do with his/her free time that working for money doesn't happen unless the activity also looks good on resume. Can't blame anyone for this. It is related to what Laks said in her post.
    I am yet to see a well-to-do Indian parent requiring child to work to earn money. If it happens, it is because the child chose a major parent doesn't agree with : ), child has serious attitude issues and parent wants to teach a lesson, and so on.
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Totally agree. I think we had posted similar thoughts in the "Teen and chores" thread and another thread about extracurricular activities. The little dispensable time that our kids have, there are so many things they could do, and in fact have to do, to remain competitive to colleges. Mine have made money as teenagers pursuing their interests, but not really held a job that requires punctuality, communication yada yada.

    Agree.
     
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