Is Marriage A Set Back For The Career Of A Working Woman?

I do agree to everything you listed in this and also to other's comments. Me and my friends discuss the same topic somedays and do agree that an individual should be allowed to make a choice about their career post marriage and shouldn't be dictated by their in-laws. And it's important for every individual whether be it a working guy or gal to keep a healthy balance between career and home responsibilities.

I see women in west have their career even after having to take care of 5 kids at home. Their daily chores gets divided between them and their husband. I have came across examples of woman going for higher education/PhD's even in their 40's and 50's. Yes life is somewhat easier in US compared to India, but main thing to learn is how they balance everything.

One of my best friends in India became CA. She got so much into studies to clear the exams that she fell sick during exams, but didn't stop and cleared it. Later she fell in love with a guy and he supported her to work initially. However after marriage, her in-laws denied her for working. Whenever we meet, she cries that she is not getting to live her dreams.

Another friend also did CA, got married into a super big joint family. Got freedom to work, but she says she has to work and then come home and take care of her big family. She doesn't even get a chance to talk to her own parents even once a week.

Growing up I always wanted to become an engineer and my parents were not in a financial condition where me and my bro both could study engineering. My dad being the only earning member in the family, he could either pay for his fees or mine. He started working on 3 jobs everyday (from 8am-10pm) except Sunday, so I could achieve my dreams. Later I wanted to come to US and do masters here. He said he cannot afford that due to high fees and I did see tears in his eyes since he cannot help me with this dream of mine. I myself worked for 3 years, saved the money to achieve my dream. Even though I have the potential to handle both house and work and I have been doing it for years now living alone, guy I was going to get married to here in US wanted me to give up my career as being a woman I have to support his joint family with cooking and taking care of their houses while he works on his dream job.

I have seen woman sitting with babies in class since they want to study and move ahead in life. So after coming across such examples, I do believe that we too can make it work.

 

Dear @SGBV
Thats one beautiful and thought provoking post, that you have written.

Both before and after marriage i have worked, however things and situations were entirely different.

Before marriage, never thought of entering the kitchen even to boil a cup of water, after marriage i started to cook, and i enjoyed it, my husband equally helped me, making sure i wasn’t burdened at anytime.

Currently, i am a stay at home multi tasking things with my two little girls.
Yes, its not easy.... though many feel that its an easy thing to sit at home and be a stay at home mom, it has its own difficulties too, like other jobs....

Career women or stay at home, i feel the most important thing is confidence and mental strength, Yes life isnt going to be fair, everyone will have their share of struggles, but the attitude and way we deal with it makes a workd of difference.

I guess its like the grass on the other side is lush green, i may feel a working woman is lucky and vice versa.

 

You are so right there.I feel that one has to be strong and determined and should make sure that after marriage ..your career doesn't take a back seat. But I feel people like me who was do I g so well in my career just gave up and sacrificed everything for my husband. I had no choice coz we moved to a new country..I was staying with someone who was very manipulative....who was always finding faults in me...He tried to bring my co fidwnce really low and with the kid it got really difficult coz there was a lot of pressure at work plus household chores...I gave up and I regret it ..I wish I had known a way to make the situation better...but as they say..better late than never..I am giving another shot to life and looking for a job and hopefully will get one soon ,

 

I think I've got ur priorities in order and making good use of your maternity break..
Yes I agree it's not just about how much the husband is earning but what the husband and wife decide together regarding household and child care..if both are ok with the wife taking a short or even a long break then it's fine..it's about the extra income versus the difficulty and guilt of leaving the baby in a daycare or alone with a nanny..
I also learnt from experience that a nursing mom needs to be relaxed and take care of her food and diet to feed the baby well and this helps the baby in the long run..
And you have previous work experience so resuming work in another one year may be possible.

 

Its all depends on your situation and priorities. At times you don't have much choice.

My dh have a transferable job and we prefer to stay together. So every time he gets transfer I need to start from scratch again. Then after having baby with gods grace I got work from home. Career always gives me more confidence and financial independence.

My point is even due to some reason you have to take break from career try to get back as soon as possible. Else plan your break well so you have valid reasons. Make sure you got meaningful break. Never give a chance to regret later you wasted your years.

 

marriage is not a set back for career woman. Getting a wrong partner is.

look for Indira Nooya Ceo of coke. She openly says she would not be successful if it was not because of H support.

 

There is a saying
If you get marred to correct partner your life is complete else finished !!

So if you got wrong partner its not just career but the mental peace itself will be over!!

 

Chiming in with a few thoughts...I was doing my PhD before marriage and as soon as my first baby was born I decided to quit for personal reasons...after a long gap of 5 years I went back to research and in between my second one was born..I'm yet to submit my thesis and it's a very hard time in fact with two kids around and an extremely busy husband...but a blessing I have is that my parents stay quite nearby and extend good support...i have been thinking a lot of career options after PhD these days but I'm not sure whether I should opt for a full time conventional career..already I'm not able to do any justice to my children because of my hectic schedule..I hope to find a career that can allow me some leisure too..I'm not sure whether I should depend on my spouse entirely for finance...for me self sufficiency is important but it's not restricted to money alone...marr marr isn't a setback but it all depends a lot on how you handle things, support systems especially husband.. striking a balance is very important.. ultimately we should not feel that we have not been able to give our children what they wanted...

 

You have a dream life. You also have a husband making 3x. He is likely clever enough to produce whatever he wants if he sets his mind to it. Congratulations, and best wishes for continued happiness.