Can This Be Called As An Act Of Abuse?

My father is in early 70s and my mother is in late 60s. He is retired from Tamil nadu government service earning good amount of pension : no liabilities at all. He lives in South Tamil Nadu. He has huge savings ;no extraordinary spending habits; no addictions and no bad habits. He has three sisters. One younger sister is in Chennai who is financially very poor. She is also old & she is a widow. To me she is a paternal aunt. Sometimes back, she needed to mobilize a big amount of money for an urgent personal expenditure.


We all contributed small amount of money towards it. My father is emotionally attached to his younger sister. He wanted to contribute a big amount towards this expenditure. He rang me up and expressed his desire to send money to his sister. I gave him the number and IFSC code of that aunt’s bank account. I explained to my father how to go to the nearest branch of the same bank and how to deposit money in core banking system.


Within 10 minutes, I got a second phone from him. Now he said he is having other financial liabilities and not in a position to contribute. I asked him what are those financial liabilities, he said we will talk about it later and cut off the phone. I was really shocked thinking, what made him, change his mind, this way in 10 minutes time. After a few days, I spoke to him and I persuaded him to come up with the real reason which changed his mind in 10 minutes.


He told me, after he became ready to pay a good amount to his sister and he collected the bank details from me on phone, my mother has thrown up a loud temper tantrum, saying that my aunt is a worthless person and it is not advisable to help her. I asked my father, “ were you really convinced that you shouldn't help your sister”. He said, the big issue to him is the continuous loud tantrums my mother will keep on throwing for the next few days if he refuses to agree with her and sends money to his sister.


By tantrum, I mean, she used to shout in an intentionally loud voice, so that her tantrums are audible to neighbours. My father used to get feel ashamed about the fact that neighbours hear her shouting and agrees to her demands (This, I have seen several times , happening). The power of (intentionally) loud temper tantrums has been well realised by my mother , who doesn’t hesitate to use it , as and when required to blackmail my father to agree with her in several issues.

In other words, fear of repeated tantrums by my mother has made my father change his mind in just 10 minutes.

Dignity and the way neighbours see him matters a lot to my father. That is why he has been very much scared of such loud temper tantrums. Throughout my growing years I have seen this pattern, happening again and again. I have always sympathized with my father that he is a victim of abuse and I have seen my mother as the abuser.


Personally, I think this is an act of , very disgusting form of abuse.

What do you guys think ?

 

I have never seen a normal hostility free neutral communication existing between them. Whatever they talk would be the absolute minimum few words , necessary for coexisting. Their totally dysfunctional marriage itself is altogether , a different topic.

It was not like a conversation and getting her consent for sending money to his sister. But yes , when I asked him whether he informed my mother about sending money, he said yes he did. He would have just uttered a few words that he is going to send money.

 

Okay.

That is what exactly happened. I contributed from my money, to my aunt, what my father was supposed to contribute. My father was pleased to know it.

Well, that's not very important.

What is very important and what has been bothering me, all these years is , the power of temper tantrums in making him, give up !