Confusing Friendship

Preet82 · Nov 1, 2017

Hello Ladies. I have a friend who is close to me now for past 6 years, we even work together. At times i get treated badly like being excluded in some plans, not replying to my messages, being distracted on the phone while having lunch with me. But when she needs a shoulder to cry on or crib and vent she comes to me I try to discount it all as timely mood swings but at times i do feel hurt. I am confused if i should just not care and start distancing myself(which i can) or just be like i am and be there for her whenever she wants me ( which means i may keep getting hurt). Since we also work in the same office, i need to share a cordial relationship and not be hostile.

MonikaSG · Nov 1, 2017

Hi! I suggest u should listen to our heart. Leaving her will hurt u more or continue like this. U too can take a break and go out for some vacation and notice how much u miss her and need her then decide what should be done.

Preet82 said: ↑

Hello Ladies. I have a friend who is close to me now for past 6 years, we even work together. At times i get treated badly like being excluded in some plans, not replying to my messages, being distracted on the phone while having lunch with me. But when she needs a shoulder to cry on or crib and vent she comes to me I try to discount it all as timely mood swings but at times i do feel hurt. I am confused if i should just not care and start distancing myself(which i can) or just be like i am and be there for her whenever she wants me ( which means i may keep getting hurt). Since we also work in the same office, i need to share a cordial relationship and not be hostile.
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chocolate · Nov 1, 2017

Op, The lady is using you for her own gain. If she cant maintain basic decency and maintain relation with you, try to distance from her. Make some new friends or give her a cold shoulder. Carry a novel with you and give her a taste of her own medicine. If she mentions it tell you loved the novel and wanted to finish it soon. That shud give her a hint. Good Luck.

DDream · Nov 1, 2017

Why don't you tell her that her actions are hurting you well. If she is a good friend, she will listen and understand your feelings. If not, try to maintain a professional level friendship. Distancing away from her soon may hurt you more. Try to interact with others and slowly reduce personal level interactions with her.

kanaka Raghavan · Nov 1, 2017

That is too bad.I think you should talk it out straight rather than carry on like this.

randomvalue · Nov 15, 2017

This doesn't sound like a true friendship! Not worth wasting your time.

Preet82 · Nov 16, 2017

Thanks a lot to all who replied here

SwatiSri · Nov 22, 2017

@Preet82 I would go with what @DDream suggested too. People often don't realize their own behavior is causing problems for others. Two people don't see or experience things the same way. For all you know, your friend is not aware of how her behavior is hurting you. Much better to discuss it compassionately and with an open heart so that some understanding may emerge on both sides..
All the best..

EverydayBloom · Dec 5, 2017

Dear OP,

I was exactly in your situation some 3yrs back, one of my "friend" used to behave exactly like your friend now, and I expressed her my feelings and told how hurtful were her actions towards me. But to my utter surprise and shock, she acted as if she was unaware that her "usual" behavior is hurting me and the situation got more worse, in which she made sure she was ignoring me, humiliating me in the group saying I am "sensitive" person and what not. Slowly i reduced my interaction with her, even moved from that place, limited my chats with her, I am much better now. Just sharing my experience so that you wont be surprised like me.

Good luck.

Preet82 · Dec 5, 2017

EverydayBloom said: ↑

Dear OP,

I was exactly in your situation some 3yrs back, one of my "friend" used to behave exactly like your friend now, and I expressed her my feelings and told how hurtful were her actions towards me. But to my utter surprise and shock, she acted as if she was unaware that her "usual" behavior is hurting me and the situation got more worse, in which she made sure she was ignoring me, humiliating me in the group saying I am "sensitive" person and what not. Slowly i reduced my interaction with her, even moved from that place, limited my chats with her, I am much better now. Just sharing my experience so that you wont be surprised like me.

Good luck.
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Thank you dear. This is really helpful. I do feel my friend will give out the same reaction as yours upon expressing my feelings, I have started distancing myself. I noticed i have friends who are so positive and jovial. They really respect me and care for me. I don't have a need to carry on with this one person who does not care. I am distancing myself and already feeling better.