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Expecting Dhs To Be The Best, Are We Looking Our (dws) End As Well?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by RohiniVenkat, Oct 11, 2017.

  1. RohiniVenkat

    RohiniVenkat Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone for your views. Yes it is all acceptable. When compared to men, women faces a lot of PETTY ISSUES ( I refer all petty house issues, not big family deals, that too, I dont think only women will face it off) rather than bigger burdens where men are responsible for. I initiated this thread is to find out, whether we girls are ready to accept our mistakes, rather complaining about DHs. I reiterate, I'm talking only about the relationship between DH and DW not wrt family and other stuffs.
     
  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes women are human too , we can make mistakes too like sometimes getting angry more than required.But again between husband and wife it has to be dealt by both of them. They should come to balance.
     
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  3. RohiniVenkat

    RohiniVenkat Silver IL'ite

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    OMG :eek: See how much response got, only revolving around "FEMINISM".

    Feminist is actually EXTREMIST. I hope Extreme level is good for nothing.

    I mean to tell that "We are expecting adjusting DHs but we fail to understand their needs too (not completely but we too fail and we all have to accept it:rolleyes:)"

    Ex:

    Lets assume, I have brought up from a city and when my DH from a village, I will stand for all my own wishes and fail to respect his tradition and make him feel inferior about his values.

    Likewise I see few girls who exploit their lives in the name of self esteem and acts as FEMINIST.

    Females are basically tend to be more flexible wrt bio, still we forget that we are female and will act like men and will not adjust at all and at last, we loose our own life because of our stubbornness.
     
  4. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    We have greater height difference where everyone made fun of me being too shorter . my husband is very tall where as I am just a normal height. My husband didn't even think I was unequal to him in heights. Now I feel he is great.
    Now my husband is the bread winner but last year i was the sole bread winner as he was struggling to settle down in USA , I worked and paid emi for house loan in India plus saving too to support if my husband comes back. I struggled a lot , he too. Now I am in dependent visa , I can't work. But again I am waiting for our green card processing to secure a job .
    It was arranged marriage. we both love each other and respect each other. I am saying all this because I just want to prove every woman would fight all the hurdles along with her husband. Hope I am clear. I will stop here.
     
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  5. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    I understand but feminism need not be always extremism . it can be in moderate level too. I think every one of us will say that women are neither perfect.
     
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  6. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    To be frank I will say one thing , there are women robbers too, there are great saints in men too . I know there are men who are also being tortured but we don't know much about it . yes I agree there are lots of good men . they need to be protected too. Gender inequality is prelevant so women are taking their stand now. Some are genuine , some can be dealt with easily but still it becomes a big issue. Little maturity in both husband and wife can help.
     
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  7. RohiniVenkat

    RohiniVenkat Silver IL'ite

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    Absolutely!! "Moderate" is the most important thing here. Even feminism within moderate amount is good. But at its peak will definitely bring hell into the relationship as none like to be a slave of others.

    Breaking the relationship for nothing but only for FEMINISM shows females are greedy for their weakness!! Which is bad, we cannot do everything a man can. We need to accept the nature we are made of. We like the roses made of petals not out of steel. No flat tyre can make a safe ride. There should be some ups and downs, but for all downs if we break relationships then it means we're greedy to accept our own flaws.
     
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  8. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Instead of feminism, equality would be the correct word (actually I thought it means the same ) . Both being treated as equal human beings by each other, both taking equal amount responsibility or atleast fair share of responsibilities would be appropriate and avoid conflict in relationships.

    Eg. if both are working equally hard at office, and taking up financial burden equally , then husbands should also share housework equally, be it cooking or washing dishes.

    If a woman doesn't know how to drive, she should learn; if she expects only her husband should drive them around , then she should let him relax as soon as they reach home i.e relax while she takes care of stuff at home.

    If a man is much more successful than his wife, career wise, she should appreciate all the hard work he did in his childhood and youth to come to where he is, and respect his hard earned money and effort. It's not wrong to give a bit of appreciation and care to a husband, who worked hard all his childhood and youth, to provide a comfortable and financially secure life to his wife and kids.

    Although most men have the "bigger burden", as primary/only bread winner, women too take the burden of pregnancy/childbirth - still they are treated as unequal . Is it right?

    Bottom line is no one should exploit the other by giving gender as an excuse, rather support each other. One should not impose expectations based on gender- be it "high salary ", "owning house/car" "breadwinner role", "cooking", "household chores", "driving", "dowry", "responsibility to take care of kids ", "right to take care of parents" based on gender but rather be fair , and do according to the situation. Each should look to support and not exploit the other by citing gender as an excuse, and this applies to husband-wife relationship, as well as brother-sister or any relationship for that matter.
    Both should respect each other's traditions and lifestyles, irrespective of city/village upbringing, not try to mould the spouse according to his/her own family
    Fair distribution of rights and responsibilities should be there. Responsibilities come with rights, and also right to dignity is universal.
     
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  9. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    True. No one should exploit the other.u have given good points and very much required points
     
  10. RohiniVenkat

    RohiniVenkat Silver IL'ite

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    Source: Quora

    This is the one which made me thing in a different way. Would like to share with you guys..

    • If you want to be the queen of your husband's house, let him be the king.
    • Don't raise your daughters like your sons. Womanhood has it's own beauty.
    • If you are the princess of your father, your man is also the prince of his parents. So don't expect him to tolerate all your stupidities.
    • Work hard, lift weight, do your tasks alone, gain knowledge about more and more fields, walk alone with confidence and push your limits. Don't beg for the equality, establish it.
    • It's not always the men's duty to leave seat for a senior citizen. If you can tolerate menstruation and pregnancy then traveling uncomfortably becomes a small thing.
    • Don't create a hell for other women around you. Love your mother-in-law and treat your daughters-in-law like your own daughters.
    • Don't label a woman with simple clothes as ‘behenji. Western clothes don't make you superior.
    • If wearing shorts is a choice then wearing Burqa/Saree/Hijab/Salwar suit can also be a choice. Stop judging others by looking at their appearance.
    • You are strong enough to hold your bags and walk in a sunny day. Don't behave like a touch-me-not.
    • If you can earn money then you can spend it too. Don't depend on your husband or boyfriend to pay all your bills. He is not an ATM machine.
    • Your knowledge of brands doesn't make you modern, but the education does.
    • Fair skin is not a privilege but the intellect is.
    • Rather than being a wife of some rich man, you can be a sportsperson, a writer, a doctor, an engineer, businesswoman and what not!
    Thanks to that lady who is wise in her thoughts. Kudos to her.
     
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