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Fil "jokes" To Sil That I Have "good News"

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by poi098, Aug 1, 2017.

  1. poi098

    poi098 Bronze IL'ite

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    The other day we were in car, DH was sitting upfront, FIL, MIL and me were in the back. FIL was on phone with SIL (younger sis , over enthusiastic immature girl - married 10 months back) , SIL asked hows bhabhi, FIL laughed and said to her "didn't you hear the good news?? Talk to your mom" , SIL got super excited and asked MIL, MIL said no no, he is joking . and then she asked me "Are you pregnant?????" , i said "no no, FIL was joking" , but she keeps asking. I mean obviously if anyone hears "good news" , its very natural to think its pregnancy. FIL was laughing and joking. (FIL & SIL have a very friendly relationship , they are always laughing and joking) After keeping the phone, FIL touched my head and said "Theres lots of time" .... I was super confused, and weirded out, what the heck ??????? Oh BTW did i 2 main points ?

    1. I got married barely 6 months back.
    2. DH and I are in a long distance relationship since the beginning of our marriage, we meet only on weekends.
    3. We had an arranged match and a short engagement and have barely got a chance to know each other well. Physical relations is something we are still getting used to.

    Does FIL really expect me to conceive so soon PLUS in such circumstance ? Does he think his son is some kind of super fertile superman to get me pregnant so fast ?? Is it even right to expand our family when DH and i have not got a chance to get to know each other well !!

    To top it off , later when DH and I were alone, i casually asked DH , did you hear what FIL said ? (i didnt say it in anger ,i just wanted to know what were his thoughts on this.) , he said "what????" , i said "did you not listen" , he said " i dont know what you are talking about." , i guess DH was on his phone all the time.
    Thankfully MIL is supportive and does not say anything about this. But FIL has mentioned a couple more times about how he will retire by December, and he will not take up any new jkob now, his only job now will be to play with grandchildren. He once said , we will have mundan of our grandchild in this place. We are an urban family, both my FIL and MIL were working in good posts, so is FIL acting like this ?
    What should i do if it comes up more frequently ? DH is soooooooooooo not ready to expand family, i don't mind start trying.
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Do you live with in-laws or only meet now and then? Response will vary depending on that.
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    He is giving you guys hints.:confused:
     
  4. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    Your IL's seem to be pretty open family. Its not uncommon for IL's to expect grandchildren in the first year of marriage. You might want to talk to your husband and decide what you want to tell your IL's. If you want to wait for a couple of years to have children, let them know. If you cannot talk to them about it, ask your husband to talk to them.
     
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  5. Benitapaul

    Benitapaul Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP, It's important that you need to get to know your husband better before starting to have a baby. It's upto every couple to decide when they wanted to have a baby.

    In my case, me and my DH we decided to wait to start trying as it was an arranged marriage and we didn't had time to get know each other well. My husband informed his parents and I informed my parents stating the fact not to expect the good news soon and never had to face this topic.

    For your situation, I don't understand why your FIL has to make this "sensitive topic" as a point to joke about with your SIL. It would have made you feel so uncomfortable. Talk to your husband and ask him to talk to his dad. If he feels awkward to talk about it, you can convey the news to your MIL as she's supportive to you. She can inform your FIL. That way you are all on same page and you can avoid these situations in the future.
     
  6. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Umm, I agree it must have been very awkward and embarrassing , even if a 'joke' according to them. You said you and your husband are just getting to know each other and he is not ready to have a child soon. This shows that you guys have had time to discuss this.This is enough for now.Let your FIL joke and throw hints as much as he can. Just don't pay any attention. Please don't create unnecessary tensions in your mind by thinking about them. Why are you getting so bothered by the talks alone ? Children don't come into the world by hints and talks or to get their Mundans . Get to know your spouse and take your own sweet time . Also , your in laws seem like good people . Your mentioning this to your MIL or your husband will only lead to misunderstandings and highlighting this topic.Just ignore ( maybe that's what your husband did ;):) ). In case , such a conversation happens again and you end up getting embarrassed, just politely change the topic.Itni tension waali baat nahi hai.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2017
    cheenu123 likes this.
  7. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Also, your FIL is not expecting anything from you or your husband . He is just kidding around. They got their son and daughter married recently , they are done with one responsibility , he is retiring soon ( another thing off the list). In other words, Jeewan ke almost saare kaam ho gye hain , what next can they wait for ? Grandkids , of course ! So, they are just prepping themselves for the new phase ( oldies) ,bandook sirf tumhare kandhe par rakhi hai but basically pointing at themselves.Next time , if there is any talk of good news with SIL , just turn the ques onto her( after all she too has been married now for 10 months) -" what !! Is there any good news on your side? Oh I thought, Dad/Papa ( FIL) was talking about you.congrats ..blah Blah ". Maze Lena seekh lo, obviously tumhare toh leeye hi jaa rahe hai.;)
     
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  8. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    This is the norm, get used to it. In India it is considered perfectly ok to ask a married woman when she will be procreating . As time goes by, expect the distant aunts , uncles , doodhwala, chaiwala and even your neighbors pets to ask you about the good news.
     
  9. Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    Brush it off dear.. there are better things to worry about.. you have mentioned your fil is a friendly person, develop a good bond with them. Don't make a mountain of an ant hill..
     
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  10. poi098

    poi098 Bronze IL'ite

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    Living with in laws
     

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