Money:should Allow To Give Or Not ??

When people marry they get a chance to change the other person in ways they like. This is like training any animal. Sometimes the training takes longer, sometimes shorter. You are also being trained by your trainee at the same time. Good behavior has to be reinforced by treats. What has been your methods for the last 2.8 years ?

 

OP,
We can only exercise control over our emotions and actions. It seems you have a fairly comfortable life for which you should be rather thankful to God. Why to expect that MIL/SILs will do something grand for your kid? Why do you expect something in return? If your DH is willing to give his sisters extra, have you given a thought about it? Is this going to affect your collective savings/monthly budget, etc.? Have you tried initiating a peaceful dialogue with your DH regarding this?

 

You have compared a marital relationship with that of an animal and a human? Are you serious??

 

Op...as for the money....if it does not impact your budget in a big way,don't interfere.
Once or twice a year ,giving gifts or money is not too much.
Don't let it increase every year. If he is giving a bigger amount on pongal..you can spend less on the gift.If you feel the amount is going to increase every year,then you can tell him you should gift them sarees or gift items instead on money. Keep a budget in mind and go buy them yourself .Take part in the buying and the giving.

As for expectations....gifts are just gifts and they make sense only if given from heart .
Accept whatever is given with humility and give what you think you should be giving because a gift reflects on the giver.

You have a good life ...don't bring unnecessary irritants in it.

 

OK... missy. I read a few of your posts, and you are such a good soul. Batting for the good life of many of the whiners here. I am not going to ask what makes you so.

However, why is it that girls do not get good advice on a life strategy when they get an arranged marriage ? Isn't there an army of aunts ( women with prior experience) who would tell a girl what-is-what and how to leverage her advantage to sustaining power (bargaining position ?) in a marriage ? Are these women not good at training a daughter or a niece in how to train a new husband into appropriate behavior ? What is missing ? Could there be a smart phone app for that ? There has to be a business opportunity in training brides and grooms for marriage and life.

 

Op,
At first, why are you comparing your sisters with his sisters on what they gave? It may be a genuine case where they may not have enough money to spend for your kid's birthday. Whatever it may be a reason, just leave it.
If his sisters are not doing well economically, he can give money within your budget. But don't do too much.
If your Dh gift you gold, how would your sil know it,even if you are staying with them?
Leave those who gifted and what gifted.
Instead gift your Dh but this time ask him what he needs.
In my opinion, we should ask our dear ones what they need so we will gift accordingly. Don't ask before event just check with him casually and you buy it on special days.

 

Hi OP,

I think this is a petty issue and you should let it go.. i dont know your financial status, but if you are in the US then 5000 Rs in dollars turns out to be a not so big amount to spend on one's sister for a special occasion.

Also I wouldn't compare gifts given by sil's vs your sister. It's the intent that matters, also the financial status of the giver.

But i do agree that the reason for not buying any gold for you is annoying.. this takes time as some men feel guilty treating wives more important than their mom and sisters, but will happen, just be patient.. until then buy your own gold