Guardian Angel

Guardian angel - Someone who is watching over us…isn’t it what it means!

I can still remember the day my dad left us – departed this world to go settle in another. It is like that big heavy nasty picture in my head. I just can't seem to remove it. He passed on and passed over the responsibility of the family – my mom, my sis n my grandmom - to me. Me…I was pregnant and in my seventh month!

He might not have been a perfect husband. But he was a great dad. My pillar of strength when things turn too bad. My savior when I was in trouble. All of sudden, just like that all this was lost to me. His sudden death left me with an painful void in my heart.

Nothing could bring me out of it. Doctors and my family was afraid of my health then. It was the birth of my son which finally brought the smile back on my face. I named him after my dad. The time after his birth soon went into looking after him and taking care of his needs. But I did keep getting these episodes where I just think of my dad and crash. It used to take hours and hours to come out of it.

It was during one such time, that my eight month old son, who was then crawling around, found me tucked away in a dark corner of my house, crying my heart out. His small hand reaching out to me and holding me, and a wet kiss on my hand to show that he is there. Since that day, my little angel never left me alone.

No matter whatever the cause, be it a fight with my husband, a disagreement with my mother, frustration over work, he finds me wherever I am hiding and holds my hand without saying anything. I don’t know how, but he is somehow there beside me every time I feel lonely or sad.

He is my defender, my little hutch puppy who follows me wherever I go. It is he who taught me the true meaning of love by making me a mother. I learnt how to be selfless in love through him, learnt how not to take people for granted in love. On a physical level, it is I who takes care of him by bathing him, feeding him, teaching him his school work. On an emotional level, however, the dynamics of our relation is interchanged. It is he who keeps my emotions in check.

Yesterday, I had one of my crying episodes thinking of my dad and just like any other time, my little one, now 5.5 yrs. old, came to me, held my face in his palms and told me 'I am there na, why do you cry'. It is indeed true when they say "When god closes one door, he opens another one". Nothing or nobody can replace the void that my dad left, but in some way, my little one takes away the pain that comes with it!

I miss you dad…so much! I just wish you had a chance to see this little grandson of yours at least once. He takes care of me so well, just the way you did! My little guardian angel – he is!

 

Thanks Vaidehi. Yes, I hope so too!

 

true @Caide

they really are!

 

@Narhari

I have been trying so much since the past few years. Its so tough. I am usually fine. Its just some times like these when just am lost and its tough to get back to being myself too!

 

thank you!