How To Manage Kid Job Pregnancy With Complications

Dear op,
A big hug to you...
Sorry to say this first thought came to mind after reading your post is, how cruel he is.. How can he even think of saying g to kick in your stomach.

Can you think of keeping maid/cook so that your mil can supervise while you work?
Cook some 10 mins tiffin like dosa bread , boiled egg or upma kind of food for your dd.. Don't send her in empty stomach..

If yiu cant cook..Keeplots of fruits too so that you and your dd can have often.
Let your mil cook for herself and her ds.
I don't have much ideas to share..
Stay healthy and take care

Regards
Niriha

 

You are complicating your life unnecessarily. One thing I do not understand is why you cook 6 meals for 3 ppl?

>Cook only what your DD eats (ofcourse 6 times what you normally cook for yr self). for pregnancy best food is baby food non spicy and healthy! (ofcourse do not puree your or DH food)
>feed DD while you eat food and drink milk while you give DD milk. Kids love imitating lol and easy for you too to catch up on nutritional needs.
>Pack fruits and healthy crackers for DD and yourself for snacking. Pack the same lunch and eat same food for dinner.
>Forget your MIL for few months. I would never call on my MIL if I am already troubled. There are good MILs too but yours doesnt sound like one. You dont need her now, save this headache for later.
>yr H, hmm.. no comments. I cant even imagine someone kicking a pregnant women in stomach. Only really bad villains in telugu movies do so.. and you call him DH

 

@Lakshmipav
Can you live with your parents for awhile...?? Try to have a cook/ full time maid- who will cook/clean for the household.
First and foremost and be mentally be ready to face this problem head on otherwise with the second child on the way your husband will just keep you tied up with a divorce carrot hanging around the marriage.

Stop sending your salary to his account. talk to HR and change the details. If he threatens you with a divorce, say you will get it. Just say so... It will get him back to the reality. Be ready to laywer up and say he is harassing. Seriously, no one should be treated like this.

Dont share things with your MIL. MIL will always ALWAYS support their sons. ONLY their SON is right everyone is wrong according to them. Dont confide dont share! Although she knows its wrong on her son to do it, she will give you 1000 reasons why her son is right. All MIL's are the same.

Why are you not sleeping with your husband...?? However small the bed is.. sleep next to your husband... You are not a maid to sleep on the floor just because he tells you to. Even maid's are given a proper bed and a place to sleep in a house, otherwise even they walk out and refuse to work for that houehold.

 

This is not your problem (can be solved with outside help for few months or an year), actually below (he) is your problem, what is solution, I don't know. (Is it all because you are earning and helping parents and that is not OK with H and MIL?)

 

You are living with monsters ...which human says like that let alone be husband ...
I hope they soon realize what assholes they have become and rectify their mistake ....
Good luck and prayers for you.
Iam sorry I have no solid suggestions now but pls hire a maid and cook . You earn and you dnt deserve this pressure at such stage.
Take care

 

@Lakshmipav
I am so sorry sweetie... I can understand the GD part and yes parents and full-time maid isn't reasonable. I know you need to have your meal separate.

This whole change will take quite some time..

First start by opening a bank account... You have a job, make friends at your workplace ask them to give you a ride or take a uber and go alone and open an account. You have SSN and monthly income from your employment. If asked for documents give your learner permit, the number on the learner permit will be on your DL too or your passport number will hold good too. Call the bank ahead and find out what all documents are required.. plan one day without your husband's knowledge and please go open a bank account during a lunch break.

Start to send the check to your bank account after that... If he asks you.. tell him new rules in your company... blame it on HR. If he asks more info.. ask him to talk to your HR.

Start by these first and foremost. Having an individual account is a must!!

Can your family help you with immediate money for your expenses...?? So you can try to get a DL/ a car/ I also suggest get a body pillow ( through out my pregnancy I could sleep peacefully in the body pillow)... my husband used this body pillow after my delivery on a couch... He felt its great.
After getting an individual account try to get DL. If your husband refuses to teach you to drive... You can get into Driving school and get DL. It is quite easy. DL isn't hard at all. It may take some time to practice.

Make friends at your workplace.. Having your friend circle will help you in long term. If you husband sees you having your friends around his behavior towards you might change...

For breakfast- buy things like Rava Idli ( where you have to just mix it with curds and steam it) or look into pre-upma or pre avalakki. You can buy it or just prepare it yourself over a weekend and during the week you might just have to add water and bring it to right consistency before serving.
Discuss your work load at home with your OB/ PCP. Because they will involve your husband to get some load off your back. Take your husband to these OB appointments and make sure he knows not to dump you with everything. Assign everyone a responsibility at home you DD should pick her toys/ MIL should cook lunch/ dinner. If one person cooks the other cleans up after. Things like that..
Get a crib for your DD, dont make her sleep in the same bed. A crib isnt that expensive and seriously children should sleep independently. After your second child where does your DD plan to sleep? Or Where will you sleep?

All these things take time sweetie.. I am not sure with second child on the way and GD, sailing in this boat will make things easier for you.

MIL not taking care and expecting DIL to do everything is quite normal. You have to do things differently for things to change... Whenever son/ mil fight it is common for DIL becoming targets too.

Are you serious about the abortion...??!! For what joy are you still with this monster?!
If I were in this position I would pack my bags and go back to India.
Seriously no one deserves to be treated like this. He takes your money, your self worth, kicks you around, insults you that you have GD....?!!!
Next time when he says about GD.. tell him you didn't beg God to give you GD or such a monstrous husband who lacks basic humanity.

All the suggestions seem like a band aid... Was he always this controlling?

 

Threaten or actually Call police and let them know how you are being treated at such stage.
Tell your husband he will have to manage king size bed alone in prison . With good job I think you can manage well without such jerks too.

 

OP feel so sorry for your situation.
Can you take a break from your career for the time being? Short-term or long-term or on LOP for sometime and take care of your health?
You need to compromise on cooking. Just cook for self and baby.
Contact local womens support group and see if you can get help. Or call police. Once your husband gets a warning he will learn to manage. What will you do aftet baby? Who will clean and cook ? You? No way. With gestational diabetes please put yourself and baby first. Take care.