betrayed and confused

Unfortunately, Vaidehi, it is not that easy at all. I tried so much to get the truth out of him. He seems to be actually enjoying this whole stuff. The more I think, the more calm I am losing, and the thought that he might be actually having the affair which I even feel is physical now, makes me all the more irritated. But in the end, I find it's me who is losing my calm and sleep, he is all totally fine and happy. So, I have no option but to let go and wait for him to come out naturally which I have been told will definitely happen if there is something wrong.

 

Bringing the house down will not elicit any truth from him, but it would definitely give him the chance to say I am suspecting him and breaking the house apart, he is an expert at making me the villain which I am becoming right now. Given his weird behavior, I cannot stop thinking but I guess I have to be patient for now.

 

Right now I am vacillating from positive to negative and that is killing me internally. Makes me mad to think why he even embarked on this sick mission. Vaidehi, I did take the detective route but all I got was a dead end. I lost quite a lot of money too. Of course, in the end, he did behave funny as usual but I could not see it in person or catch him red handed. I have a feeling he did something today, but then again, I was not there in person. My mind starts acting like a monkey jumping from here to there. And it is so difficult living like this in suspense. I was a lot happier and calm before I saw his text message. Now, I feel, if he had been prudent enough to delete that piece of ****, it would have been easier on me. But I guess i had to see it, to do something and be guarded and get myself up and brace for the future. I am still living in denial and unable to accept the bitter truth. The sooner I do it, the better for me.

 

you are right Priya, this won't be the first episode - if it breaks. But still, please envision a spouse stealthily going with someone and having *** with them and then coming back to house and behaving normally as though nothing happened, except when you approach them, they shoo you away and get irritable. I get what you are saying totally. Since I discovered this whole episode and did not even think it had gone this far, I am unable to come to terms with this situation. Sometimes I blame myself, sometimes him, I am trying to enjoy now, but I guess it will take time, but it is so difficult - living like this where I have to treat my own husband like an adversary and my own house like it is someone else' house. I think you are someone who is pretty experienced because my mother said the same too - she said there are a lot of people in our society who know their spouses are cheating and yet they live calmly. It took me a month to actually start sleeping properly. There were days when I was awake almost the whole night - that has reduced. The shock of this incident is so bad - that I am unable to come to terms with it. One moment I think I know for certain he is having an affair and I fly into a rage and depression, the other moment I see his happy and smiling face and I start having doubts as to whether he really has an affair - the way he gives me an assurance makes me want to believe it is all a figment of my imagination. But then his overall behavior, paying extra attention to his looks, going away from the house saying he is shopping - which I suspect is to chat with her and calling me in the morning just to find out if I am at work (I know this, because he never ever calls me nowadays despite me telling him to me once in a day) - all these have made me believe he does have an affair. It hurts to be in a relationship where there is absolutely zero love and zero respect for me. This is not what I had envisioned when I got into this marriage. Now I feel that is a curse to marry an attractive and good looking spouse, I hated him when he used to indulge in physical abuse all these years. I knew from day 2 of the marriage he was never interested in me as a husband and yet this stupid hope that one day he will love me, where as he seems to be moving away from me by the day. After the kids were born, I thought I had gained his affection and acknowledgement - that was hardly true. I totally understand what you all are saying, but I am unable to come to terms with this incident. If I get a solid proof - I don't think I can do much - one I can break it off, two I can continue living in this hell, maybe the evidence will definitely make me break off from him. Maybe the problem is there - I AM UNABLE TO LET GO OF HIM, BUT HE CLEARLY HATES ME AND DOES NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM. I SHOULD LET GO OF HIM..... ONE SHOULD NEVER FALL IN LOVE IN A MARRIAGE.

 

Hi Priya16,
I don't know if the use of caps font sounded offensive to you and everyone around. It's just that there was a lot of anger seething in me. I meant nothing to your post. Sometimes people get a kick in the butt as somebody told me and this kick was too much to handle. But I am slowly getting into business, I think I will absorb this too with time and this time definitely I will try to work in the right direction.

 

No, frankly, with each passing day, my hopes are diminishing. yes, sometimes when he approaches me with love, I see something, but not anymore. Vaidehi, I cannot break it at this moment simply because I don't have solid proof. If I could catch him redhanded, it would have been great. I thought and thought about how to do it, but each time I only ended up giving him leads on how to be careful. Even I don't like what he is doing, and I don't like this situation one bit. Yes, I am very passive as someone mentioned here and that is why he is taking full advantage of me with zero guilt. I understand that this man has now got this idea that no matter what he does, I won't leave him and he can get away with it. Mental stress is something that we build, nobody can heap it on us, if I refuse to get affected, then nobody can do anything. But even to build complete detachment to someone who I managed to hold onto for 10 years, is not easy - as I am experiencing now. My concerns are definitely with the children - it is not like I can say goodbye to him and take them. Of course, if the pressure goes to a point where I can't handle it anymore, I will take that drastic step. Right now, no one believes if I say anything because it is mostly based on instinct and my individual encounters with him. I am very lazy and that's why I am getting hurt like this, but I cannot afford to be like that anymore.