betrayed and confused

Ragini25 · Oct 27, 2015

b234,
Refrain from sexual activity with him, if you suspect he is sleeping around. Last thing you want is any STD, since you never know what happens. So refrain. Take it serious to refrain, since health cannot be compromised (emo or phys health).

sun01 · Oct 27, 2015

Dear OP,
As it seems going on for more than one year, no point in living in this hell. One positive thing with you is you seem to be emotionally strong.

Discuss with him with calm (no confrontation) and tell him that you both need to go for counselling to bring the marital life to the normal. If he accepts make appointment and attend together. If he refuses go ahead and attend your self. If needed consult another counsellor. Finally you are the best judge of your life. Make plan A and plan B, and then take appropriate action.

Ensure you both share kids responsibilities in any circumstances.

It is just my point of view. You are the best judge for your circumstances and life. Chose best option.

bruised234 · Oct 27, 2015

I am not that emotionally strong and hence this thread. It is not going on for more than an year, but it seems to have started a year ago - the association. It is very easy to break away but very difficult to come back. Even bringing up this topic makes him annoyed, so the counseling route for now is not an option. I can only change myself to better adapt to this situation and taking it calmly. I only hope he gets some sense in time and stops his behavior.

Murali2015 · Oct 27, 2015

Hi

I'm sorry for your situation. All this happens because of Lack of self-obedience. Did you talk to your in-laws about your hubby? No one will support his behavior. Be patience and try to solve this amicably. Advise him thru his close friends/relatives, tell him all about the repercussions of this illicit-relationship. These kind of EMA's will not last longer.

Murali

Murali2015 · Oct 27, 2015

Did you ever try to find out - what's the reason for this? What makes your husband to cheat you? A true loving husband would never do this. If so, there could be a problem from your side also. Realize that and fix that. Show your love for him. Sometimes husbands get irritated with nagging wives and go out for another love. Try to find out what makes him to do like this and find a solution for this.

Murali

sun01 · Oct 28, 2015

Counselling about how to cope with the situation for your peace of mind would help you.

Iamagoodgirl · Oct 28, 2015

dont talk with inlaws or any friend without having solid proof.

bruised234 · Oct 29, 2015

Of course I am not talking to anyone except my parents. They believe me, but they too are saying without the proof you cannot accuse him. I have no proofs. But there are obvious, tell tale signs. Lying the fact that he is carpooling with her everyday, not talking much to me, other than anything related to house and kids, not wanting to move with me in public, not accounting for where he is going a lot of times. Murali, I tried a lot. My idea is he needs someone who is strongly independent, financially and emotionally very strong. He is the type who will do anything to find his happiness. I am the type who has no idea of what makes me happy. We both want attention and are not willing to give it to each other. He does not like me conversing each and everything to my family, my brother. I am very close to my family and this is not something he likes. I think in the past one year, I faltered and let him slip. I was very angry with him for being physically abusive to me. There were times I wished he let go of me and my kids. But that was merely in frustration. This kind of straying is even more difficult to bear than physical and verbal abuse. A woman can bear anything but cheating. However, I am gathering my wits now. What can be done when the milk is spilt? No use crying over it. I only pray that - a. it is all my imagination. b. I turn into a better individual and come out of this strong and resolute instead of going the wrong route. c. I hope he realizes his mistakes some day.

catwalk · Oct 29, 2015

What you think now is the right approach in my opinion.

Do not confront with him. He is selfish. There is no use to argue with him on this topic.

But take control of your life and try to be independent. Sharpen your skills and try to get a job. Take care of your kids. Let your family informed about the developments. They are the only people whom you can trust in this world. So never ever discuss this issue to other people. ( This is to protect your dignity rather than his).

I hope things will get clear one day. May God Bless you.

1Sandhya · Oct 29, 2015

Please dont get carried away. What you have described about him so far could equally be the actions of a non-cheating husband trying to manage an unnecessarily jealous and suspicious wife. If you have no evidence, you have no evidence. That lack also does mean something, you know? People having an affair will leave a trail. Somewhere, somehow they will slip up. But so far in spite of all your efforts you have nothing to go on.

How did you get this idea in the first place? Go to that person and demand proof. Demand the full truth. If they cannot provide proof either, then go to a marriage counselor and try to save your marriage. You *may* be in danger ruining your own life and your marriage in your haste to judge and blame.