The Little Gestures that Couples can Get Away with in a Joint Family

5 minutes of "tongue-of-war" in America will elicit a response of "get a room" . Most may not say it out loud out of politeness but will be thinking that....... tacky is tacky anywhere.

And over of top PDA will make anyone uncomfortable - definitely children. But we are not talking of that. We are talking of small gestures of affection. Hugging you dad or mom, planting a kiss on your child or sitting with your head rested on your spouse's shoulders-just small gestures that create a sense of closeness, bonding and security. And frankly any marriage devoid of those gestures cannot be a warm and loving union.

Many in the older generation even in the west was inclined to be more restrained including with children but physical demonstration of affection with loved ones (parents, spouse, children, friends etc) does make one feel loved and cherished.

I know because I was a not overtly demonstrative but my husband changed that in me a lot. I feel better for it. Even if many (like me) think all that is silly, when you are at the receiving end of affection, it will change our mind.

So in a JF, maybe start with being showering kisses on children, hug your MIL when she does something nice for you, say "I love you" to your husband. Create an environment where displaying affection is very natural. Maybe it will be contagious.

 

@Rihana- you and your looks I imagine you as someone with a look for every occasion. You must keep your husband and kids busy with your "looks"

 

@Rihana you need to start a "look" thread, "look" for communication of different feelings. Please educate us.

 

I would rather hug and kiss my DH in my bedroom rather than confusing my MIL by suddenly starting the habit of hugging her. As @Rihana said, she for sure would start wondering 'n' no. of reasons as to what my motive would be. Not worth the pain for her and me. Maybe if I did this right from the second day of marriage, it is fine. But after suddenly getting a gyan here in IL, I will actually be inviting more politics at home.

 

My DH used to drop me in the mrng to office and those bike rides were real fun. His office timings were upto Saturday noon whereas I used to work until eve 6.00PM. He used to hang around with friends, skip the lunch (though I used to have my usual dabba) and come straight to pick me. The first thing he would say is “I am very hungry”.
After a tired day, who will not love a bike ride and street food/snacks? We used to go around and enjoy, have dinner and reach home by 7 or 7.30 sometimes ending with a walk in the park. On reaching home, MIL would be waiting for me to join her with evening tea. Then she will have to have it alone and since she would be fasting on mostly Saturdays, it will eventually turn out to be a rest day for us.
Then the rest of the day will be just the two of us lying in the bed watching TV and talking to each other upto 12 in the night. By that time, we would again be hungry. I usually prepare horlicks, and my DH will bring a plate full of snacks, biscuits and chocolates for the mid night snacking. Sometimes it will be some vadapav/ pizza which we have brought in the evening for eating at night.
GONE ARE THOSE DAYS………………sniff.sniff L

 

It is such a lovely thread....
I guess my life is not romantic in this sense....my husband used to behave as if he is not married to me in his parents presence..
but there is one thing which we do together since years....that is having morning tea together...I luv this ritual of daily routine....

 

This thread is so much fun to read!!

When we go on vacation to visit ILs-(maybe upto a month), unfortunately the door to our bedroom opens into the hall (Often wondered if the ILs got it done on purpose, cos this was the only alteration from the initially approved plan. The approved plan indicated that our bedroom and IL's bedroom doors were supposed to face each other..I can just imagine my MILs mind go Harhar).

There is no curtain covering our door (even though ours opens into hall), while the ILs have hung a curtain on theirs (Additional privacy, even though their door directly opens to face a wall).

My DH likes to keep our bedroom door OPEN the whole time!!

He acts too embarassed to even enter the bedroom if I am inside. He then prefers to sit in the living room and talk "loudly" from across the living room to me in the bedroom :bang (By the way we have crossed a decade since our marriage, and still this is the case)

So the idea of stealing a hug or a few words or even a glance while we are in the room just does not happen, as The minute we step into our room, everyone in the living room will be keeping a hawks eye on our every move. :shock:. (Dont they have anything to talk? It seems like a crime to close the bedroom door, even if I have to get dressed shakehead ) If DH need to change his clothes, he just leaves the door ajar, while he changes behind the door and jumps out the room all in lightning speed!! If it is just to pick the wallet from the table drawer, he just pops in else instructs the kids to fetch it for him (the door kept open all the time)..so everyone knows where he keeps his money and watches while I rumble through my suitcases that are kept under the bed (IL has till date not given even a place in the cupboard to unpack my clothes...Kids and me literally live off my suitcase).

Its soo embarassing that DH leaves the door wide open even during the occassional afternoon naps!! I have been caught unawares-tossing in bed and realising that there are guests in the living room who are viewing me NAP!! (My MIL acts sooo innocent, and never wakes me- I wonder what thoughts fly thru the guests mind, about MIL and about me napping in plain view!!)

Oh by the way, ILs have put 2 individual beds hugging the wall..so they are in L shape. The bed size seems to me "bigger than a single, but smaller than a double". What size is that ? 1.5?? Why do people in India make such size beds..(and still this cant seem to deter the growth in Indian population-hahaha)

We have 2 kids. When we plan an outing the kids keep hankering about who gets to ride on the scooter in the front, so there is no chance of us stealing a hug, while getting ready.

The only time the door ever gets shut is at night and then we have to deal with 1 adult and 1 kid on each bed, just cos theres no space...so literally we are brahmachari during our whole stay at the ILs. surrendersmiley

Someone please give my ILs an award (They have a huge double cot and DH is their 4th kid)

 

Hey nothing wrong with that- if she is a good person, she will warm up even more but is she is bad, you can kill her with kindness especially in front of husband. He will think my wife is so loving to my parents - one stone two birds and all ideasmiley