Forgiving

Viswamitra · Sep 12, 2015

“Forgiving others is essential for spiritual growth. Your experience of someone who has hurt you, while painful, is now nothing more than a thought or feeling that you carry around. These thoughts of resentment, anger, and hatred represent slow, debilitating energies that will dis-empower you if you continue to let these thoughts occupy space in your head. If you could release them, you would know more peace”. – Dr. Wayne W.Dyer

It is a great honor to be around in this planet when someone like Dr.Wayne W.Dyer, a great self-realized soul existed in his physical form. He passed away this month at the age of 75 leading a life that fulfilled the saying, “Live respected and die regretted”. He wrote over 30 books including the famous book, “The Power of Intention”. I thought it is a blessing that I got an opportunity to read some of his books. I thought the best way to pay rich tribute to the departed soul is to take one of his teachings and find ways and means to execute it. Forgiving is one of the essential qualities he talked about for spiritual growth.

Every human being born in this world would experience hurt and pain sometimes when he/she interact with others. In fact, the life itself is designed to learn lessons out of experiences and pain and suffering is part of it. In fact, when one faces resentment, anger and hatred, one becomes very credulous to believe anything and insidious to do anything in retaliation. When thoughts of resentment, anger and hatred overwhelm, it is time to use the discriminating faculty to evaluate those feelings at length. Most of the time, more than what was said or done, it is our own reactions to such words or actions along with our past experiences with a person who said or did something make us determine the quality of what was said or did. It is important to create debate between a positive discriminating faculty and the negative emotional mind overwhelmed with such feelings. It is very important to isolate the incident far away from our past experiences and if we don’t, it impairs our judgment significantly. In everything we experience in life, there are three elements namely receipt, reaction and response. 85% of the time is spent by us in reaction as our mind is constantly assimilating the information stored and reacting to them. By altering our reactions, we can change our attitude and reaction.

Let us assume for example that I decide to hurt someone verbally in response to his/her verbal assault on me. It creates further negative emotions inside of me having hurt someone in response to what he or she said to me. In addition, my reaction to his/her original words still remain intact because it was converted into strong emotions inside of me. I would rather prefer to eliminate that original emotion to bring peace in my heart than creating additional emotion by hurting someone.

Dr.Wayne W.Dyer said that resentment doesn’t happen because of what someone told or did something to us and it thrives and survives because we voluntarily decide not to end the altercation. He said he had studied Patanjali’s teachings several thousand years old that when we are steadfast not to have abstention of thoughts of harm directed towards others, then all living beings cease to feel enmity around us. According to him, the human beings will occasionally slip from this highest Self into judgment, criticism and condemnation, but this is not a rationale for choosing to practice that kind of interaction. According to him, when we send love to those who hurt us, we would feel the immediate result of inner contentment.

Is it possible not to judge anyone around us and lead a life of no resentment towards anyone despite them saying or doing things that are not palatable to our mind? Having experienced a lot of resentment all through my life, one thing I successfully did so far is not to react immediately and attempt forgiving the person who is responsible for my resentment. Most of the time, it was easier for me to forgive and send my love to them because many of them are not in the circle of impact in my life. But when I have resentment towards close family and friends, it takes longer for me to eliminate it. Somehow, my disappointment is more with close family and friends probably because I feel betrayed in love. Frankly, it is more important to avoid resentment with close family and friends as it would affect my peace more. I have to admit that when I remove the legacies of resentment in my mind, I feel a lot more peace and contentment.

sing · Sep 12, 2015

Being at peace with others helps us discovering peace within ourselves !

Viswamitra said: ↑

“Forgiving others is essential for spiritual growth. Your experience of someone who has hurt you, while painful, is now nothing more than a thought or feeling that you carry around. These thoughts of resentment, anger, and hatred represent slow, debilitating energies that will dis-empower you if you continue to let these thoughts occupy space in your head. If you could release them, you would know more peace”. – Dr. Wayne W.Dyer

It is a great honor to be around in this planet when someone like Dr.Wayne W.Dyer, a great self-realized soul existed in his physical form. He passed away this month at the age of 75 leading a life that fulfilled the saying, “Live respected and die regretted”. He wrote over 30 books including the famous book, “The Power of Intention”. I thought it is a blessing that I got an opportunity to read some of his books. I thought the best way to pay rich tribute to the departed soul is to take one of his teachings and find ways and means to execute it. Forgiving is one of the essential qualities he talked about for spiritual growth.

Every human being born in this world would experience hurt and pain sometimes when he/she interact with others. In fact, the life itself is designed to learn lessons out of experiences and pain and suffering is part of it. In fact, when one faces resentment, anger and hatred, one becomes very credulous to believe anything and insidious to do anything in retaliation. When thoughts of resentment, anger and hatred overwhelm, it is time to use the discriminating faculty to evaluate those feelings at length. Most of the time, more than what was said or done, it is our own reactions to such words or actions along with our past experiences with a person who said or did something make us determine the quality of what was said or did. It is important to create debate between a positive discriminating faculty and the negative emotional mind overwhelmed with such feelings. It is very important to isolate the incident far away from our past experiences and if we don’t, it impairs our judgment significantly. In everything we experience in life, there are three elements namely receipt, reaction and response. 85% of the time is spent by us in reaction as our mind is constantly assimilating the information stored and reacting to them. By altering our reactions, we can change our attitude and reaction.

Let us assume for example that I decide to hurt someone verbally in response to his/her verbal assault on me. It creates further negative emotions inside of me having hurt someone in response to what he or she said to me. In addition, my reaction to his/her original words still remain intact because it was converted into strong emotions inside of me. I would rather prefer to eliminate that original emotion to bring peace in my heart than creating additional emotion by hurting someone.

Dr.Wayne W.Dyer said that resentment doesn’t happen because of what someone told or did something to us and it thrives and survives because we voluntarily decide not to end the altercation. He said he had studied Patanjali’s teachings several thousand years old that when we are steadfast not to have abstention of thoughts of harm directed towards others, then all living beings cease to feel enmity around us. According to him, the human beings will occasionally slip from this highest Self into judgment, criticism and condemnation, but this is not a rationale for choosing to practice that kind of interaction. According to him, when we send love to those who hurt us, we would feel the immediate result of inner contentment.

Is it possible not to judge anyone around us and lead a life of no resentment towards anyone despite them saying or doing things that are not palatable to our mind? Having experienced a lot of resentment all through my life, one thing I successfully did so far is not to react immediately and attempt forgiving the person who is responsible for my resentment. Most of the time, it was easier for me to forgive and send my love to them because many of them are not in the circle of impact in my life. But when I have resentment towards close family and friends, it takes longer for me to eliminate it. Somehow, my disappointment is more with close family and friends probably because I feel betrayed in love. Frankly, it is more important to avoid resentment with close family and friends as it would affect my peace more. I have to admit that when I remove the legacies of resentment in my mind, I feel a lot more peace and contentment.
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Viswamitra · Sep 12, 2015

Dear Sing,

Thank you you for your first response. Accepting others as they are is an important trait one should develop. Only thing we can change is our own attitude to achieve peace.

Viswa

surekhap · Sep 12, 2015

@ viswamitra sir I completely agree with u. forgivingness brings peace to our mind. I have faced many situations in my life which proved it.
our holdings on any person or situation punishes us more. when we forgive it we are relieved from that punishment. we keep on think about the odd situation again and again if we cant forgive.
here I want to mention about a situation in my past . when I was in college I was blamed by my friend for the mistake which I have never done. I tried to convince her that its not my fault but she didn't listen to me. when she came to realize the truth she apologize me I could not forgive her as she didn't listened me. iam living the same situation in my mind all the days questioning why she did so. once I forgave her the thoughts stopped and I am free from that.
I liked the thought that the best way to give tribute to one is to take on ones teachings. I would try to do so.

jskls · Sep 12, 2015

Viswa sir good one on Forgiving. I can understand and agree completely with what you said regarding not holding on to anger and resentment. But how to forgive someone whose words caused unnecessary blame to someone who was facing life-death situation of their life partner and as a result a budding life was lost, who didn't lift a finger to support during crisis when being in so-called family? Wish it was easy to forgive/ forget but I am unfortunate to learn them both though I keep trying for more than a decade now.

Akanksha1982 · Sep 12, 2015

Viswa Sir, thanks for sharing the lovely thoughts on forgiving. You are right, it is easy to forgive outsiders but it is difficult and painful if our trusted ones hurt us. Just as our body gives us the more pain.

Your snippet reminded me of a nice hindi song. Some relevant verse.

hum se mat poochho kaise, (Don't ask me why)
mandir tootaa sapanon kaa (Temple of dreams broke)
logon kee baat naheen hai, (It is not done by people)
ye kissaa hain apanon kaa (Its done by near ones)
koee dushman thhens lagaaye, (If an enemy inflicts pain)
to meet jiyaa bahalaaye (near ones calm us)
manameet jo ghaanw lagaaye, (if near ones inflict pain)
use kaun mitaye? (who will help us).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkDBmDuUmh8

iyerviji · Sep 12, 2015

Awesome post on forgiving. Some people dont realise how the other person will be hurt and just say something. Especially when someone is not married they go on asking any good news , also when someone is not conceiving same question. My cousin sister whenever she meets me enquires whether my son's wife has conceived and gives me some advises. If she says once it is ok but if she says that whenever we meet I feel so hurt. Getting a child is not in our hands. She has also 3 children and her son is my son's friend and all her children have two children each. Thats why she does not understand others feelings. But no use saying anything to her so I have forgiven her but unable to forget.

Some people are not able to enjoy their life , so they try to spoil other's life and try to bring fight between brothers, between couples , if the brothers are strong and couples are strong they understand the situation and their relationship does not get affected.
The couple should understand each other and adjust wherever necessary then they complete each ohter. Life might not give us a second chance , so every moment must be used in a better way so that we need not regret later.We should have someone with whom we can share our completeness. Whenever we make a mistake we should be ready to admit it , though it is difficult it will save the most expensive gift called relationship.

Mistake is a single page in a part of life. But relation is a book of dictionary. Just do not lose a full book for a single page.
Because it can takes years to build strong relationship BUT possibly only a moment to tear it apart.
So Trust , Keep the faith, Have Courage to Forgive, Give another chance

shyamala1234 · Sep 12, 2015

Dear Viswamitra,
Yes, it is easy to forgive outsiders rather than close people. Even more difficult is forgiving ourselves. We do forgive and others us also...we do not keep grudges long (only in films and serials they are kept alive for generations and generations), let go and move on.
A good one....which we all need.
Thank you.
Syamala

gitasharma · Sep 12, 2015

Dear Viswaji
the best tribute one could pay to the one who has influenced your thought and growth.
May a time we are told forget and forgive but you have put the thought so very well

It is the actions of close ones that hurt us more it is simply because it matters to us what they say & think about us as long as it is a an unknown person we just dismiss act words whatever else that go with it .so this hurt again is this attachment of ours
if we could realize the fact that we have no control what so ever on another's action however close they are to us .& we have control only on what we ourselves do in any given situation the way we react or respond .Often times we are upset as we are helpless and cannot control the others action /response and that we have not been perceived the way we intended to depict ourselves .
when all understand all this yet go through the pain and hurt as we have not reached the state of internalizing our learning.
Also if we can disassociate each act from earlier acts historically and view it as a singular event it becomes easier however we build a story of an event or act weave thread within threads and make it so interwoven that it gets difficult if not impossible to untangle .At times the feeling of hurt remains but the very act is forgotten as time passes by.
the day we have really arrived we can forget & forgive and would have evolved to a state of sthithapragnya.
like most of us i have had my share of hurt/ sorrows ,I have learnt to forgive but I find it extremely difficult to forget .I am fully aware it is I who is carrying this unwanted baggage.
also the other person is basking in the glory of their success that they were able to hurt/and retard my progress till I gather myself again .
I need to fence myself but when I do so and am at the state of least excitement then the flow of goodness too gets curbed .guess I need to keep trying and evolve to this state .hope I do and thanks again for the rekindling of the spiritual self in me while paying tribute to the departed
It was a pleasure reading the snippet.
best wishes
gita

vaidehi71 · Sep 12, 2015

Viswa Sir,

Very nice thread as expected from you.

Finding it really difficult to forgive esp when involving close family circle. Still trying hard and I can't say that I am successful in that yet. But as you said forgive and forget will give peace of mind, but truly needs a lot of time, because it depends how severe it had affected the person and how traumatic the situation and from how close you are to that person. Like in Thirukkural they say theeyinal sutta pun ullaarum aaraathe naavinal sutta vadu. Yes time will probably and hopefully heal the wounds.

Thanks for writing it up.