Feeling low , Spouse hurtful words and behavior.

SadMarried · Jul 10, 2015

hi all , as some of you know ups and downs in my marriage from my past few posts.

Well when i was thinking things are getting better, my hubby started those episodes of disrespecting me , shouting at me etc again. Well every couple fight sometimes and occasional aggression and fight is ok , but in those relationship there is occasional care and love too. Even if i don't expect much from him these days after what he did to me in past( giving silent treatment for months, talking bad about me to his family, disrespecting me in front of everyone including family and neighbor etc) , but i took that as bad chapter of my life that happened out of his anger.

But even if we are in ok term i feel like he doesn't love me. I felt really bad yesterday when i told him i have real bad back pain in bed (i get severe pain on period) , first he didn't respond then he said how come i have pain suddenly as i was ok few hours ago(i was busy with housework and baby stuff, i didnt tell him that before) , he made me feel i was faking. It really hurted.Then he said what i expect from him , he is not a doctor. He could have offered me some painkiller or hot water bag or something when i was in such a bad pain , but instead he hurted me with his words.

this morning i told him i didnt sleep whole night because of pain and also because baby wasn't much well too. HE shouted again saying i know about baby's health better than you bla bla , i don't know what got into him , suddenly he started being aggressive at me. so he doesn't respect me.

He never cares about my health even when im not well , he never asks how am i.whenever we go out like get together , he completely avoids me like im no-one to him. i see other couple, where husband come asking for wives if they are ok time to time. He never appreciates anything i do.HE doesn't talk to or like my side of family much. Only time he talks nicely to me is when in bed ,i feel used when he does that. I used to think he is bad at expressing , some men are like that.

But i have started wondering is it worth saving relation with man who doesn't care for you when you need him , doesn't respect you or doesn't appreciate you? I cry alone so many times thinking abt all this. I feel so suffocated. IS there a way you can expect/demand CARE/LOVE/RESPECT/APPRECIATION from such husband ?

Iamagoodgirl · Jul 10, 2015

op d you have job?you have baby too.Will you able to separate and live independently without any help from others?

SadMarried · Jul 10, 2015

@iamagoodgirl, yes i have a job and 1 year old baby too. I can live independently financially but its not going to be easy. I have thought about living separately too but couldnt convince myself is this good enough reason to separate ? i fear thinking about consequences.

dimple7 · Jul 10, 2015

See lady, this man only needs you in bed. If he really had care for you then he would express it every time. He is really using you physically ad not giving you any support. But why do you give him what he wants....when he is not bothered about you?
So from now onwards give respect to yourself. Try to stop him from disrespecting you....explaining him cool ly that you are not his servant etc. that he will shout on you like this or treat you any how.
Then next step- Say NO to him when he want to use your body (in bed).
He will slowly relise

SadMarried · Jul 10, 2015

[QUOTE
Then next step- Say NO to him when he want to use your body (in bed).
He will slowly relise[/QUOTE]

thats exactly im planning to do now. But i know he wont be bothered by that too. from past experience , for his ego , he could go without me in bed for months too.

SadMarried · Jul 10, 2015

dimple7 said: ↑

Then next step- Say NO to him when he want to use your body (in bed).
He will slowly relise
Click to expand...

thats exactly im planning to do now. But i know he wont be bothered by that too. from past experience , for his ego , he could go without me in bed for months too.

snowhite · Jul 10, 2015

donot feel low
pray
to God

GoneGirl · Jul 10, 2015

Hi OP,

Am really sorry that you are going through this. A couple of things, Have you tried penning all your thoughts in a letter and giving it to him, in which you can detail your desire to be together and make this work, and how hard it is for you to do so, and how much you would appreciate his cooperation. Another option is counseling, would he be willing to go for it?
Is he a good father? If yes, then it is worth trying to work this out.

sm123 · Jul 10, 2015

Dear OP,

You have 2 options I think.Either try for a temp/permanent separation(not sure if that bothers DH) and other option is stop expecting anything from him and move on with your life,with the kid,hobbies etc..Since you are working,you do have financial independence,which is good.

Assuming that he does not care much on how much you spend etc,if you cant cook,order out.and hire a nanny to take care of the baby.If you are sick,then stay in bed..don't push yourself and take rest,he should realize that you are really in pain. Even then,if he does not realize,then make alternate plans,like always have something ready in the pantry,that can be cooked easily.

Stop doing his seva,laundry or cooking etc etc.Dont say anything that I am sick etc,but just tell him calmly that you are tired and you need help.If he does not,then ask him,i know you are really working hard too,can we hire someone or can i get some curries from outside or manage with some simple stuff..But dont cry and never show any anger..If you are feeling frustrated,goto the bathroom and cry and be done with it and make a happy face again...

Dont worry about the cost etc,in the long run,they will even out..Believe me,the lower the expectations,the better life will be.I am not sure how old your kid is..Once he/she grows up,you will get a good friend in the kid...If you are sick,they will come and ask you,mommy are you ok...T

Things do change,but takes time,for some,its month and for some years,and for some people,may be it is never.But we need to move on with the hope that things will get better.

Like someone said,this day will pass too...and you will feel better.Take care!