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Help me to get my real husband out of him

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by dimple7, Apr 28, 2015.

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  1. May 12, 2015 #51
    dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you alot dear.......this is a very important point you mentioned
     
    dimple7, May 12, 2015
    dimple7, May 12, 2015
    #51
  2. May 12, 2015 #52
    dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    rightly as you mentioned, 6 hrs of sleep is enough....but his mindset is he needs to sleep min 8 hours daily else he would feel sleepy in office, or get headache or so.

    And yes am trying to win my MIL. but her mentally is so mean and her daughters give her advice how to dominate me. So i donot know if i will succed to win her mind. They donot have a positive attitude towards me and prevents him to have too.

     
    dimple7, May 12, 2015
    dimple7, May 12, 2015
    #52
  3. May 12, 2015 #53
    dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    thank you....but how do i make him feel that we need to visit a doctor?Coz if i tell him he needs to visist a doc, it might hurt his so-called Ego.
     
    dimple7, May 12, 2015
    dimple7, May 12, 2015
    #53
  4. May 12, 2015 #54
    dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes i have tried to explain this concept to him yesterday night. Lets see how much he has understood..
    I told him that "its not good to share evrything to others even to our parents coz we need to have some privacy. Some matters may look odd when its infront of public but if its bewteen us then its ok"
     
    dimple7, May 12, 2015
    dimple7, May 12, 2015
    #54
  5. May 12, 2015 #55
    Rohanj

    Rohanj Gold IL'ite

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    Ok. Keep trying your level best. Just don't give any chance from your side. Let her daughter do anything. But that doesn't mean that you will allow yourself to get dominated or bullied. You will win your MIL with love and respect keeping your dignity intact. You will standup for yourself if necessary. You're doing a good job.

    Most of the SIL's I've seen play a crucial part in putting tensions into a relationship. Mostly, they will try to control their mothers and in turn their sons. My mothers SIL had done terrible damage's during initial period of my parents marriage. My mom told me all this. My friends also said that their mom's SIL were really bad with their respective mom's.
     
    Rohanj, May 12, 2015
    Rohanj, May 12, 2015
    #55
    1 person likes this.
  6. May 12, 2015 #56
    SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear OP

    Congrats on your marriage. Its been just around 3 months since you guys are married. I assume it is an arranged marriage. To add more fuel to the fire, you had visitors staying with you during this time (MIL, parents, that aunt etc..etc..).

    In addition, your husband seem to be having some official matters running in his mind... As you stated, the increments, shift changes etc..etc... should have something to do with his performance.

    Given the fact, in an arranged marriage, it takes time for the couple to start their lives normally. It takes more mental power than physical power.

    You are not a prostitute on the road side, that any man would come, touch and do the act just like that, and move on... Nope. It takes time to understand wife, mood to enjoy marital sex, and also a good atmosphere to proceed with.

    Don't rush... It seems you are so fast in this aspect. Don't take me wrong. See, many typical Indian husbands' would be taken aback if their wives were awaiting for sex by wearing an exposing nightwear on the first night itself, that too in an arranged marriage.
    If the man is naive, little orthodox and cultured as per Indian way (as he claims) I can understand what would be going on in his mind now.

    Besides, you insisted him about sexual approaches, sexy DVDs etc..etc... within 10 weeks of your marriage. That might have put him under serious pressure about starting a marriage with you.

    First of all, give him time to start slowly, but steadily with a very clear mind. Let him first understand his own sexual urges first, and then read you.

    Meanwhile, try to behave as much as appropriate to your culture background, although everything should be ok inside the bedroom. It is important that you too have a perfect understanding about each other before you go wild in this aspect. So, better wait till the right time comes.

    Do not rush to judge your husband about his erection and being a momma's boy. Many momma's boys are capable of making their wife a mommy within few days.

    Also, do not rush to react with other issues. Again, sex is a mental thing and Men won't get aroused just like that as you think. Be practical
     
    SGBV, May 12, 2015
    SGBV, May 12, 2015
    #56
  7. May 12, 2015 #57
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    OP ..if he is getting aroused but not trying to get intimate ...then is it possible that he is angry with you. Did anything happen between him and your family? Did he feel neglected?How is his relationship with your family?Were there any issues.

    Try to keep both families away from your marriage for some time.
     
    yellowmango, May 12, 2015
    yellowmango, May 12, 2015
    #57
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  8. May 27, 2015 #58
    dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear friend....thank you for this lonnnngggg explanation.
    For your kind info, i was wearing a normal nighty on the 1st night.....not that exposing to give a shock to a man in arranged marriage.
    And that TIME that you are saking to give, dont you think 3months is enough for a normal man to get mentally and emotionally attached to his wife. I have seen all my cousins and uncles who are all arranged marriage. They all develop the sense of respect and responsibility from the 1st week or max to max within the 1st month itself. And also develop the feeling of understanding..
    But in my case, forget about mutual trust and affection, he doesnot think me as a part of his life till now.....i know what am talking about here.
    Forget about SEX, what will you say when he doesnot develop any affection towards his wife in these 3mnths.
    And also for ur kind info, my parents stayed only for 3 weeks. My aunt just visited one evening dint stay. And now his parents are staying for 2mnths

    And also am not rushing....but hAVING PATIENCE.....so i donot agree with you
     
    dimple7, May 27, 2015
    dimple7, May 27, 2015
    #58
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  9. May 27, 2015 #59
    dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    as much as i think there were no great issues, except a critical one that i mentioned to him....it was a fact which no wife would tolerate. And it was done infront of my eyes.

     
    dimple7, May 27, 2015
    dimple7, May 27, 2015
    #59
  10. May 27, 2015 #60
    Rohanj

    Rohanj Gold IL'ite

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    Hey!! How are things now? Any improvements? I hope you're working your magic. We discussed it last time, didn't we?
     
    Rohanj, May 27, 2015
    Rohanj, May 27, 2015
    #60
    1 person likes this.
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