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Help me to get my real husband out of him

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by dimple7, Apr 28, 2015.

  1. dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes i try to spend as much time as i can with him. but he doesnot feel it that much important. Whenver he gets free time, he wants to spnd it with friends or watch tv or sleep.
    sometimes i ask him to speak to me and share anything if he wants. But he asks me..."what will i speak?'

     
  2. Rohanj

    Rohanj Gold IL'ite

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    To be honest, that reply was not meant for you. But it looks like it still fits your situation. In laws are also not supportive. So, you might be feeling very lonely with him. How did you went with this marriage, if things were so obscure? It's really heart wrenching. Now you have a completely different situation here. The picture is getting wider now. In laws are starting to show up. You answered your query on intimacy part. They may be the reason behind his such behaviour.

    In any relationship, communications are a must. Use this to your effect. Ask him what does he want? Is he not comfortable with you? Does he want to see a future with you?
     
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  3. dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes last month i have asked him if neone from his family asked him not to get physical with me,....then he simple said NO.
    Next whenevr i ask him why he doesnot take any initiative, he simple says he is ignorant about all these/ he never spoke to any gal before/he feels tired...etc

    So to his answer "he is ignorant about the sex process" i also asked him to do research and learn to improve. But atlast he is always mechanical, so it doesnot give me the please. Still we could not break the Hymen.
    Forget about getting physical, ...he didnot develop any attachement with me till now. While for a normal human being needs a week or a month max to max.
    He never ever gets into the mood of romance, or seding kiss over phone, or seding love msgs .
    Once we went to watch a movie, there we two were just sitting like two starngers. He never felt to put his arm on my shoulder and sit. It was i who took his arm to put around my shoulder.
    How long will i be doing all these.
    I know these things a man does coz he wants to get closer to her, but this man....i donot understand.

     
  4. Rohanj

    Rohanj Gold IL'ite

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    Talks, you need more talks. Agreed that you can have your own time in marriage. But not all the time. You just can't be yourself all the time when married. You have to look after each other. You guys have to push the cart of marriage together, only then the cart will propel in proper direction.
    Those 2-3 girls he liked in college. Is he very emotional person? I mean he hasn't got over them yet? Some people are like that, one person for all the lifetime. I hope he does not fit in that category. Please, start your talks right now. It's early days in your marriage. Get things cleared right now.
     
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  5. msindu

    msindu Bronze IL'ite

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    Forget intimacy first. Bond with each other. Find out what he likes. Get on the good side of your mil, sils. Boosting people's ego sometimes does wonders. They might help in getting him to bond with you. Then automatically thing will set in.
     
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  6. Rohanj

    Rohanj Gold IL'ite

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    Was Ignorant before, fine. But not now. This is very important part of your marriage and he should definitely accept this.
    Is there something which repels him from this? Or is he really tired? Stress can decrease intimacy. So you cannot argue on that point.

    You have to really study him before taking any decision. It's like filling a tank full of water. If you want to fill your tank of water. First check if there are no leaks. When you find leaks, fix them and then fill your tank. Your probable leaks are
    1. In laws
    2. His attitude on living a married life
    3. Stress affecting intimacy.
     
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  7. dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks, but plz read my post no.#30. There u will get te answer.
    My inlaws have bad attitude towards me. I always have been trying my best to complete my duty and respect them. But they are always after me , they want me to do all housework and give him total rest. They pre-judge me as if i will not give him food properly or so....
    They try to feel his mind with bad things against me.
     
  8. tarasharma

    tarasharma Gold IL'ite

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    @dimple7

    Did it never strike you or your parents why he is behaving like this? Why your in-laws are behaving in such a manner? Why did you not raise this issue then. Please do not take what I meant in the wrong way but seriously why did you ignore this behaviour then.

    If you think in a cool headed manner, there is nothing wrong with what @rihana has said. She has put forth a practical response. Coming to your problem, I feel something is fishy somewhere. You have to connect with your husband before the "intercourse" part. Possibly your in-laws have a role in this. However, try to be nice and calm with him. Hopefully he will realize your importance and spill the beans.
     
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  9. dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    hanks but i have noticed him and felt that he is physically/mentally weak. And its his mother who always gives him the feeling that he is working too much and should not do so and should take rest. He falls asleep while travelling in bus....as old man does. I find it shocking ...how can a young man fall asleep any where at any time.
    In reality other boys of his age does more work than him and still feels fresh.
    This point i cannot explain him


     
  10. Rohanj

    Rohanj Gold IL'ite

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    Look there's something that is root cause of his behaviour. There has to be a reason for this. Even I don't talk to girls that much, even I didn't have any relationship. But I don't think this way. I've been through what your husband has gone through, but I can't think of doing such a thing. You should try and find that trigger first. But that itself is one task. You'll have to take him to a counsellor. I had to say psychiatrist, but don't know if he'll get ready for that. That may backfire on you. Hence, counselling.
     
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