tortured by dil

@butterflyice: very nice ..i am folling your post and it so good to read them...nice one
grate

 

But why would parents like to live with their children? With joint families we are depriving our parents to enjoy the life without whining DILs, without spoiled adult children, not having to act as daycare providers for their adult children (By taking care of grandchildren), having the opportunity to have hobbies, travel, explore spirituality.

 

OP - This is not about who is right and who is wrong. It is about everyone's right to live a peaceful life without the nagging feeling that someone else is controlling their life. You feel your DIL is not letting u make the dishes you want and your DIL feels the same May be it is time to make your own kitchens and spaces, so that you are not on eachothers' toes. There is NO loss of dignity if your son lives away from you. Living away will bring the hearts closer and he will still be there for you in times of need. Please offer to make two homes and let them live their life their way and you lead your life your way without any worry. Old age is beautiful. Make sure you spend it in good health and good spirits. Relax and enjoy. And please remember your SON HAS NO DUTY towards your DD. Bro-Sis is a beautiful bond and please dont tie it down with rules. Let it blossom out of love.

 

Blaming widespread practices on culture is escapism. Is there anything mentioned in any scripture about killing? Is there a written description for each and every culture? I haven't seen or heard of one.


We have the choice to accept the widespread practice and blame it on culture. Or we can act on it. I agree that India is a dangerous place for a girl/woman. But if making/accepting a widespread practice as culture is something educated people can do, then God save the rest.


Women safety, rape, violence are also predominant in India like in many other countries. Delhi is coined the rape capital by international media. Because that's a widespread acknowledgement, should we all make it Indian culture?


The reactions and opinions also differ based on who raises the question. In another thread, most posters united under one thread and explained about tradition/culture when it comes to parents/in laws care during pregnancy. The same question if raised by a non-Indian poster, would have gone in million other directions.


There are a few go around promoting awareness about infanticide, women's rights with such incidents and laws in place. The positives are outnumbered by the negatives, but why can't this be Indian culture? That guy who married a swedish lady, @butterflyice talked about, they need to speak more about the laws/punishments in place and about the tiny positives and the current change in mindset of people about girl babies. The more we talk about the good things, the more we practice. The more we practice, the more we accept and then that should become our culture.

 

If we take the example of FGM. It is part of the culture in those communities where it is practised. That does not mean that we blame eg somalian culture to be bad. It is only a fact that this very wrong practise is part of the culture. It has been very important to understand why FGM is practised as that is the only way to get rid of the practise. Finally FGM has started to decline and one of the reasons is that the prevention has taken into account the underlying reasons. Alternative rites has been developed, the practitioners have got education and been offered alternative sources of income, prevention work is done village by village (as it needs to be a commitment from the whole society so that this uncut girls can get married).

One of the underlying factor for female infanticide is that it is considered that a son can provide for the elderly parents living and he Will stay with them. Buy improving the pension system, changing the mindset that it is completely fine to live independently without your adult children etc the risk of female infanticide will decrease.

Legislation is of course important but to change something you need to address the underlying drivers.

 

Hello Imnmil aunti:

I know this post has been side tracked, not sure if i am right also, as i havent read all the comments, but if you still following this post, maybe my reply will help, I would not say advise, as i am very young maybe of your DD or DIL's age.

Relations are very complicated. Loving someone unconditionally is difficult. This is fact. In case of wife and husband, it is different, but the additional responsibilities are something which every woman struggles to sync into.

I can emotionally understand your problem.. it is is kind of cold war. Both of you are showing that everything is fine, but internally struggling.

mam i would say it is difficult yet but love her unconditionally. Forget and forgive all your DIL's mistakes or tantrums or whatever we may call it. I am sure love begets love. I still love my mil like how I love my mom; but we do have friction between us lately as she was hiding so many things from my husband and spends lots of money in lakhs for my sil. We tried telling her without making it a big issue. but now unfortunately it has become an issue. still i love her because she brought up my hubby, made him a man and gave and today whatever i am enjoying in my family is all because of my MIL. So, what so ever any MIL does, all DILs must love them because now the man in each one's life is all her blessing. Please leave out all the thoughts from your mind and just accept her like how you accept a new baby and bear with her. I am sure she will realize it soon and will start loving you. And finally your son, whenever there is a mil-dil friction, the most stressed out person is the Man we love the most. So, dont give him stress. im sure your DIL also will realize soon.. God is great, will surely have her realize, and in this age (i tell this to my in laws and parents too) just do what you love to do... and enjoy your llife.. dont let all these thoughts come in to your mind and steal your peace from you. Things will settle soon Aunti. take care

 

I nowhere said that all indian wants to have a son....
me myself is a proud mother of 2 duaghters...i was happy with one only...but god has another plan so send his another gift to me....
but if u see overall sex ratio of india then it indicates tht mail child is preferred...if u see around u...u can clearly see tht male child is prefered...there are people who have no sex preference but still sec ratio is decreasing so certainly these people are lesser in quantity....and we go by what is largely prevalant...

when i had my second daugheter only the people who know me closely congrats me as they know tht we are happy and i have no preference for any sex...
but other people in hospital like nurses and ward gals etc...said like bhagwaan ki iccha hai....as if something bad has happened...ladki bhi laxmi hoti hai....as if they are consoling me...i was shocked tht in a big city and in a big hospital like this people carry this mentality....surely people used to feel sad on birth of second daughter thts y staff is behaving in this manner....not asking for sweet etc...

 

Why can't sharing be just sharing or quoting personal experiences as reference? When others do it, it is often considered as bragging, metal-presenting(?!) and so on.