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Feeling Helpless bcz of brother wedding - Suggestions

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by nomad24, Jan 8, 2015.

  1. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Sure, I know cases like this, along the whole spectrum.

    (a) Blackmail -> son / daughter goes ahead -> family-ties cut off.
    (b) Blackmail -> son / daughter gives up.
    (c) Blackmail -> son / daughter goes ahead -> family comes to terms with fait accompli.

    and we could travel down the line with d, e, f all the way through the many shades of possibilities. This works only because the son / daughter in question does not have the gumption to say love ya, but gotta do this, will continue to love ya & be there if you need me ...etc. - a complement to Option-1 in @Rihana's post above.

    True, but these dynamics are changing very, very fast. The turmoil we see now reflects a period of transition. I am not overly concerned about this for the future. The general trajectory is for the better (except for a rise in out-of-wedlock childbirths, which will probably happen as a function of the rise in pre-marital sexual liaisons).

    In any case, to be fair to the OP, there is not even a whiff of family excommunication in her posts, only concern for her brother.
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    "Concern"?

    I feel for that receptionist girl. Such vehemence from OP when discussing her with strangers in an online forum. What might be the tone of discussion about her with brother? Maybe not excommunication but close.

    And all this without having met her!

    "Concern" by any other name ...
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I feel bad for the brother and for any girl he marries in future.
    Everything is being considered and worried about except what is wants for himself.
     
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  4. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, let your brother be. If you can't support him, get out of his way. He is a grown man and can decide for himself. He is the one who will live with the consequences if your concerns for him do get validated in the future. His life, his choice, his consequences to bear. It really is as simple as that.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2015
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  5. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Well, so do I - I've made that clear right off the bat.

    Hola R! Que? This is somewhat disingenuous. The woman in question remains anonymous, and the anonymity of an online forum is precisely what lends itself to expressing one's deepest fears. I did not sense vehemence, only fear of the unknown. I am fairly sure that OP knows that should her brother hold his ground, she has no say in the matter.

    Fair, but still may not resolve the doubts. OP did acknowledge that 'time will tell' - completely true.

    The biggest problem here is that it is Round-3 of family pressure for this guy - meaning the family has already squandered any chips it might have had.

    Anyway, best that she speak for herself now! :rotfl
     
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  6. Priya4oct

    Priya4oct Gold IL'ite

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    YellowMango - you took my words. I am really feeling bad for that poor girl. In case if OPs brother marry with her , not sure how OP and her family will be treating her.
    I hope OP and her family accept her and let her live
     
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  7. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Deleted ........................................
     
  8. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry. :hide: Got poster's remorse. I did read your comment though. No issues with what you said.
     
  9. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    He just needs to get laid for God's sake.

    he is having the decency to tie the knot first! Somebody tell him that ....never mind me.

    I feel bad for the brother. Whatever happened to sticking with the brothers choices through thick and thin and supporting him in his decisions? He is a grown man. 30 years at that! And the poor guy have to "convince" his family to approve of the girl he loves. Aye aye, someone save the bride (and the groom. At this rate, in the process of searching for the 'perfect' bride, he may actually get old).
     
  10. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Hai, hai, hai ... what will the thekedars of Indian Culture say?
    Casually trivializing the holy state of matrimony n' all.
    Somebody call the moderators!
    .
    .
    Oh, rats!
     

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