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Advice needed in a critical situation

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Booni, Sep 18, 2014.

  1. JigsSM

    JigsSM Silver IL'ite

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    In the fit of anger she mite have picked up things n she lost her control. Its not totally her fault but the anger inside her. Ask your friend to go and apologize to her husband and settle it out of court. She has to take the step because she has done wrong. She will have to bow down, win his heart. She needs to be very polite n make commitment tat it won't repeat again. Jst see how it goes. Matter is very critical because police is involved that too inUS. Really feel sad for her.
     
  2. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi no... please do not ask her to go out of court without appropriate counsel from her lawyer. Law is pretty complicated here in the US, so it might land her in trouble.
     
  3. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    It is very sad to see that a helpless woman is portrayed as bad in this relationship.

    Something tells me, it may not be the first incident that happened between them. Unless she feels threatened why would a woman/mother pick a knife? Hopefully, she has good woman lawyer to protect her.

    The guy must be planning to frame her for awhile, so he provoked her. At the end, what he has in mind? He wants, a divorce? and he is willing to keep the kids with him.

    Sign that damn divorce paper, and settle outside of court; She can go back home, start a new life since she has good backing in India. I may sound cold, but I don't want her land in jail. This guy seems to use kids as his bait to torture her.

    I am very angry and disturbed by this incident. I will keep her in my prayers; I hope, she walks out freely with or without kids.
     
  4. stillwaters

    stillwaters Gold IL'ite

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    she is in an extremely dangerous situation. the husband has shown himself to be cunning and manipulative and may have done other preparations also for when the case goes to court.
    it seems to me that whatever he is doing is not some emotional response to marital discord but the execution of a cold calculated plan.
    why didn't he just buy her a ticket and send to india .
    putting your wife of 8 years in a situation where she can land in a foreign jail , making her go through all the humiliation which she has already done & being stubborn to not compromise speaks volumes about him.
    if he called the police after one week it was not an act in the heat of the moment.
    definitely there is a deeper agenda and she needs to try and think about it .
    could be related to revenge ( ?? ) or money issues - i don't know.
    whatever is happening does not seen like a normal reaction to family problems .
    why is he determined to put her in police trouble ? strange after living with her for so many years and having 2 kids . dv and fights are understandable but what is happening here is not totally straight forward .

    she is in deep trouble with lot of problems ahead . hope all our prayers will help her to come out of it safely .
     
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  5. aarna123

    aarna123 Bronze IL'ite

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    I also think she should compromise for kids and herself .
    May b in anger she attached with knif and by same case husband called cop and the arrgue became a serious matter .

    But now inspite of fighting in the court I guess she should apologize and for sure her husband also will want the same .but in ego they both doing their action.

    Coz this is the question of kids whatever judgment will come from court their life will get stuck in this.

    She should think about kids first...
     
  6. Booni

    Booni Junior IL'ite

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    Yes thanks again everyone for responses.
    Husband still keeps saying everyone he doesn't want any more abuse. He wants to do everything in legal ways. whatever we ask he says he will ask his DAs. It's so irritating.
     
  7. Booni

    Booni Junior IL'ite

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    Today she met a lawyer and I was with her at that time. He's good and he gave the right advice.. I shall keep it posted.
     
  8. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    op,

    Your friend's situation was on my mind all day so I came back to get an update.

    You HAVE to make her come out of this mindset. She is still focused on original incident. Stupid or not, she needs to get over it! That is water under the bridge now. A LOT has happened since then. NOW she is in a LOT of trouble and can even face jailtime/lose custody if she is not careful! You have to make her understand.

    US Law and common sense are 2 v v different things. Many times court rulings are unrelated to who is guilty or not guilty. Havent you read about all the cases where the guilty person got off scot free? There is a reason. They KNOW the system and they KNOW what to do even if they did wrong. Please drill this into her. Earlier this year there was the case of the Florida woman who fired a gunshot in the air to scare off her h (dv situation, no one died) and she is in jail for 20 years. Please look it up and show her. Even though she tried to invoke 'Stand your ground' (which she thought would cover her case) they wouldnt allow it on a technicality. There is no rhyme or reason or logic to some of these rulings. She has to be verrry careful!

    Pretty much as soon as the police show up, you need to invoke Miranda and the 5th amendment and demand a lawyer. Just keep repeating like a parrot that you want your lawyer. ANYthing she says to h, to the police or in the court can and WILL be used against her. Please tell her to wake the hell up! She has a lot at stake including losing her kids!

    She needs to stop reacting, sobbing and repenting. Her h is going according to the book, looks like he has a bigger agenda and got advice on what to do to make it happen. Since he pressed charges he is treated as the victim. That is the system. Who initiated the fight? She needs to calm down and THINK clearly. And talk openly to the lawyer. Her focus and first priority should be to have the case dismissed and retain kids custody, not try to save the marriage with this jerk. Anyway this is my opinion!

    PS: This kind of situation doesn't develop overnight. Although your friend was in her own world till police showed up, obviously if her h is doing this in planned way, there must be indications that he was planning this or why -- phone calls, text, email instances, incidents. Lawyer can subpoena phone n email records, make motions etc. All that can be known only if she THINKS calmly, tries to recollect CALMLY what all happened and prepares her defense.
     
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  9. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    looks like u r blindly supporting ur friend.. if the guy has taken the knife and attacked ur friend, u will be stating that he actually tried to kill her.. rather than saying that it is just a butter knife...
    strange how the situation is described when the victim is a guy rather than a woman...
     
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  10. venus14

    venus14 Senior IL'ite

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    Oh god what a sad incident. It is so disturbing. Now she has to stay away from small kids and have to face the uncertainties. I pray for your friend to get the courage to go through it. How can the husband be so indifferent to put her in to this situation. He could have handled it differently.
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2014

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