Whither Relationships?

Well spoken. Love it. :yes:


That's really the best way to change a system that continues to demean women is to stop doing such things ourselves. We should be careful not to perpetuate the same kind of abuse unto others. Otherwise it will always remain a vicious cycle.

 

I agree to the principle behind your thread that unless you have genuine vent and want to take it in a lighter vein it is not ok to criticize other people for their quirks in public forum. Everybody has some habits which are irritable to others and either you learn to deal with them by discussing with them or accept them. My parents also have them in abundance and i would not like to see some one criticize them for it behind their backs. By the second day of my marriage i understood that my in-laws also have some similar quirks. People should understand that parents are from a different generation and hence have their own beliefs and habits and unless and until they make you to follow them everyday I would not want to vilify them for it. I listen to my in-laws in the same way as my parents...take everything, filter them, apply what I want and delete the rest...why waste space in brain to store all these negative thoughts!


btw Satchi i do like reading about quirks and it would have been great if they had opened a thread for everyone including themselves..."Name 3 of your irritable habits and your family(includes in-laws and parents)" or something like it...If it is just meant to be funny why not make fun of ourselves?

 

Satchi thanks for starting the thread. I felt awkward reading such immature posts.

 

Satchi... as always... very well said...

There should be certain line and decency maintained, coz no matter what you are talking about somebody's parents, keeping in mind that, that somebody and his parents are your family too.

Removing frustrations or genuine venting could be fine, but like you said, making unnecessary fun out of anything PIL's do, is something that should one take care of.

Adding to what you said, nowadays, every new poster/thread is being looked upon as troll. In fact I myself see them as a troll and hence have reduced interacting in relationships forums. Many others too may have stopped responding to the new op's. Due to this, the genuine new posters miss getting advice's from our expert ladies.

Some threads turn into cold wars, some burning hot, some men v/s women, some women v/s women. Some senior members also tend to de-value the newbies or less senior members.

Healthy debates are one of the best reads, but personal arguments route the thread to an altogether a new layout resulting into a baseless and senseless thread.

Each is entitled to its own opinion, still we tend to dissect the posts that unsuit our thoughts.

This was indeed a best platform once upon a time, but with a heavy heart, I have to say, now the quality here is definitely deteriorating .... JMO

Edit: Oops.... I just realized this thread was about "wither relationships" :bonk and there you go... you have a live example of turning your thread otherways :biggrin2:

 

Satchi- I was thinking the same thing and wanted to start a similar thread you beat me to it :thumbsup I think I know the thread you alluded to- where people were taking about "funny" things their MIL did or something like that. I wanted to post there something really funny about my MIL- not funny in a vicious way.

Like you I have supported women who posted here about some pretty awful atrocities they go through every day with their husbands and IL's. But recently I have been thinking if this ill-treatment in hands of MIL is really as common as I see on Indusladies (I am not really much of this in real life). I want to add I am not disbelieving that some stories are genuine but I am inclined to believe that all DIL are not all that holier-than-thou and neither are all sons so self-sacrificing and selfless, to be constantly at their parents feet. And neither are most PIL (MIL's) out to destroy their own son's marriage. I can't really believe that.

Regardless, some people may well be in awful situations (and probably justified in indulging in such behavior (?) a little but some of those stories were not REALLY funny. I read and felt sad for some of those MIL's. If I had a problem with someone I would rather tell them directly than go and "bitch" behind their back in a real or virtual world. But that is just me.

But some of those threads don't really put the posters in good light- makes them just as vicious as their MIL's. But is our generation not fighting to change that? Is this generation not trying to fight for dignity of women just as much as men enjoys? How is putting another woman- your husband's mother- down the way to do it?

I have always talked about taking personal responsibility for our happiness and our situation. If someone is that unhappy with another individual-that too a family member- it must put a lot of stress in life. So take charge of your own life and be responsible for your own happiness.

 

I want to add this too- many women claim to put up with their MIL because they love their husbands. But I don't think I can look at my husband without guilt if I were trashing his mom behind his back.

 

So true and i think i am going to pick up some quirks as i age. For ex: my mom used to clip calendar pages together(so that they do not fly because of the fan) in the bedroom because she was very light sleeper in her later years and the rest of us esp. dad used to make fun of it. I used to sleep like a log till my undergrad but now i have become somewhat of a light sleeper...it would really funny if i end up with my mom's quirky habit. I would also love to meet fellow ILs who have/had similar silly habits as me.