Ex moving to my city!

The fact is OP still has very very strong feelings for her ex despite being married to another man for a long time. OP's husband has gotten a raw deal and the real problem is he doesn't even know it. As for OP wanting a closure, why wasn't it sought all this while? She was in touch with her ex over the phone for so many years. Maybe the OP should stop giving such flimsy excuses, admit her mistake and make amends. If I were her husband and accidentally chanced upon her post on this forum I'd have served her divorce papers in an instant.

It is precisely for this reason why men are so obsessed with virgins and women who've had no prior dating experience and for good reason.

 

OP,
Aaaah, the lure of the one who got away (in this case, the one who left you behind), What might have been and what did you lack that he found in the other??? Sounds like regret, wishful thinking and maybe remnants of childhood friendship...

The pathos behind the torn hero/heroine make for great movies (and music) but in real life it must be a lot of work-You have to hide things from other people but it is impossible to hide things from yourself. Forget about what your family deserves-don't you deserve better? Do you see yourself being happy with all that see-sawing and hiding and guilt? Wouldn't you say it is better to put all that effort-emotional and otherwise into your current relationship?

I remember talking to one of my friends about a guy-how weird he was, etc. Years later she came back and told me that he was 'the one who got away'. I didn't call him names but she said my perspective helped her see him as he was. Sometimes you just need to hear what others have to say about him...what looks oh so appealing can be quite commonplace or even strange to the rest of the world. Do you have someone from that period in your life who can give you that perspective?

To me you don't sound like you are looking for him...you are looking to correct a lost opportunity. Life doesn't work that way...

If I sound way off base, I apologize. Blame it on Dreams and reading their latest interviews!!!

Remember you deserve better than being an emotional wreck...my guess is, if you were the kind to justify your actions you wouldn't have these doubts.

 

i will have to avoid many cities then!

I personally do not see any issue in meeting up as long as you keep your spouses also in the loop and preferably avoid meeting alone. Secret meeting inevitably leads to talking about good old times! And it can cause lot of confusion. But the basic question is whats the point of meeting him now? Curiosity about his life Or Closure ( i admit i do not know what exactly it means and how you gonna find it by meeting him again)

 

According to that member, divorcees/widows/people that were in love before/ are undesirable for marriage.

 

I am of different opinion.

You should completely shut off communicating with him. No point in meeting him and seeking a mutual closure. You can't control his behavior or the way he would react or take your gesture.

If he keeps on bumping into you after your marriage, you have the choice to completely ignore and shut off communication with him. If he calls again, you can simply tell him to stop communicating with you. Change your phone number, email address and do whatever it takes to shut the modes of communication you both share.

You have a good relationship that you share with your husband and don't let unnecessary thoughts get into his mind

 

Your husband's input (about how comfortable he is with all this) might help you make a decision.

 

Could you control the behavior of this man, of cheating you when you both were in a relationship? He didn't care about your well being then, so what make you think he cares for your well being now? What makes you think, it makes any sense meeting him and reviving things from the past (even if inadvertently) in the name of "ending the friendship"?

If you don't have proper answers for the above questions, understand that you are working hard on a recipe for disaster for not only yourself but everyone related to you, for no fault of theirs.

The friendship or relationship that you once shared with him has ended and is replaced with the solid foundation of love and marriage that you share with your husband. That is a much better closure than the feeble attempt at mutual closure that you are seeking for whatever reason.