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Ex moving to my city!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sunshinegaljuhi, Nov 27, 2013.

  1. akanksha999

    akanksha999 Silver IL'ite

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    Kp, i disagree. Why does our society have so many prejudice and judgements? A woman meeting a man (whoever he is) and talking to him (whether it is about her past or whatever) is her right. As long as she is not making plans of sleeping with him or wrecking his family, why not encourage her to go meet and find her closure....her peace of mind? Why be so dramatic as to imagine husbands face and all that....its not as of she wants to start an ema??

    I think any woman has the right to do as she wants, without dragging her hubby,kids,mil,etc etc into the picture unnecessarily. Let her go and clear out things. I am sure we are modern enough and do not talk about womens lib and then bind her with social restrictions. I think we should rather suggest OP how to go meet her friend and then tell us what happened. How did the ex react? In todays age, does first love or true love still remain intact....or drown with age and marriage. If it was really true love....
     
  2. simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

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    Perhaps, you are putting words in OP's mouth. It seems like she wants a closure to an issue that is bothering her very much.

    OP,
    Let us say you get a closure and clear any misunderstandings. Now, you will be perceived in a good light by ex. What is it that you want to achieve? Peace of mind? Please be wary of consequences.

    Let us assume you both clear the misunderstandings. At later point of time in future, you or ex face big issue in respective marriages. Doesn't the ex become a backup option then?
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Why not encourage her to go meet him? Because in her own words:
    I wanted to chat for hours, try all those restaurants we normally never go to, watch movies and laugh..

    No. Once a person is in a marriage or committed relationship, "chat for hours, try all restaurants, watch movies and laugh" are mostly with spouse, and if with a person of opposite gender, it is ideally with full knowledge of spouse. OP is only thinking about these right now, and being discouraged from executing those.

    No. KP is only paraphrasing words from OP's post.
     
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  4. simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

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    This is not the "right" reason for OP to meet her Ex.
     
  5. KP55

    KP55 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you Rihana for understanding.

    I'm not being prejudiced against females, far from it. I'm simply re-iterating whatever the OP has said providing a different POV. A point of view of how it looks from the DH's shoes.

    The way OP posted, she knows what she is doing is wrong, hence she is on this board asking for advice. Not only that, like Rihana re-iterated she wants to go out on dates with him. Don't you see anything wrong with this? Hell I'm the guy here, I should be like "whatever floats her boat". But I'm viewing this from DH's shoes.

    I can't imagine anything good coming of this, especially that she has such strong feelings for her ex.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2013
  6. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Again, I'm with KP and Rihana on this one.

    Of course you don't have any intention of going against your family's happiness. Believe me, no one does. I've heard people say, "it just happned" "it felt right" "I didn't plan to get involved" etc. I've been a listening post for about four people who have had an ema or emotional affair. Even being a listening post was draining because these people realise what they are doing wrong but are simply in denial. And one can't hold them back since they "aren't doing anything wrong." Until they do.

    And yes, I've had an ex who lived near me for 3 years, whom I chose not to meet. He did ring. I rang too for birthday, new year and such. I was curious about his life and wondered about why things went wrong but after second hand experiences, it didn't seem worth it to remain friends. So, I chose to remain a civil acquaintance. And I'm glad for my choice.

    You really do need to move on by yourself. Thanks to him leaving you have a lovely DH and a great family. There is no need to find out more about what went wrong, IMO.
     
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  7. simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

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    If you don't mind, can you please explain this?
     
  8. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Howmuchever we polish what is being done,it is wrong.There are lot of people out there who live in the same city as their Ex/Exs.What are you going to achieve by having a closure now?It is not going to give any sort of relief or relaxation.Human mind is so complex.Some people try to find out reasons to meet their EX.It is definietly a recipe for big disaster.

    It is better to cut ties with him.And living in UAE , I think you will need to take "extra effort " to meet your EX .Definitely not right!JMO.
     
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  9. helpmeangel

    helpmeangel Platinum IL'ite

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    kp55,

    Please refrain from using derogatory words against women even if you end it with an lol.. feels pretty harsh that you ar judging what she may do, inspite of her remarking that she is not interested in an EMA..
     
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  10. lucky2

    lucky2 Platinum IL'ite

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    I really wish you get a life. when you don't have anything nice/productive to say, then please do stay calm for god sake. she didn't say that she is going to have an affair, she was confused and wanted help. sometimes it may not be easy to get over past with memories from the past lingering around. I really wish god give op enough strength to get over.

    @op If you are looking forward to put a closure to this chapter. Go ahead, have formal conversation, don't let the emotional side from past do crop in. choose not to keep in touch with ex any further and screw up things. It's not that you are going to have emotional affair or so but jus to avoid any further mess. take care
     
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