A wired behaviour of mine... Need suggestions to change it

Dear OP,

I have a simple question.....what makes you that angry that often? Do you work? Because in a work environment, people are going to say NO to you. Your mom/dad did not mind when you fought with your bro and hurt him growing up? I am confused

 

how about she leaving the place and going for a walk?? in fact walking helps to cool down mentally!

 

For sake of lighthearted post, bear with me and try this scenario:

OP (Happy11) is a guy and he pinches and hits the wife. IL-ites - now start the discussion all over again

First reply from sweetshreya: Make sure you punch his face, girls should be able to hit back
Tulipzz: Give him a tight slap
bubblygal: Make sure you punch him in front of MIL

All IL-ites: Call cops if he lifts finger for pinching

Just trying out reverse scenario - Lighthearted. Take it easy folks. If anyone finds an issue with the post, I will edit and remove it.

 

Happy11,
Like Gauri says, if he did this, then you will not say 'attitude'. You will be saying a very different tune and so would il-ites. Whether guy or girl, gender does not matter for this.

 

Dear Happy11,

I am so sorry to hear your problem and your husband's plight. You specifically said it happens at least once a month. Does it mean it happens every time he says "No" to you? You are okay as long as he says, "Yes" to you. Right? It is primarily a character building issue that you faced when you were young. Probably, no one corrected you when you were violent at your young age. Your brother perhaps suffered the same way your husband is suffering now.

You have not learned to handle disappointments in your life. Developing tolerance when you face disappointment is essential for your well being. How do you develop tolerance? You have to practice breath control and focus your attention to the inhaling, exhaling and the period during which you hold breath. Practice to consider all three stages as equally important. Whenever, you have thoughts to ask something from your husband, think about it very carefully. Find out when you are alone how you intend to react if the answer is "yes" or "no". If there is a vast difference between the two, immediately suggest to your subconscious mind to consider both answers the same way. You will slowly learn to handle disappointments in life. Every time when you are overwhelmed with disappointments, please think how disappointing it would be for your husband to see you violent especially when he knows that you love him so much? You will begin to understand how to conduct yourself when you face disappointment but also behave in a fashion not to disappoint your husband.

Please understand that if you don't have disappointments in life, you will never understand what is happiness.

Viswa

 

Try to talk about this to you hubby, tel him that when ever you start acting like this he should remind you about it. He will be happy that you want to really change this behaviour of yours and will definately help you.

 

Dear Ranjini

Many thanks for this lighthearted post. I also wanted to phrase the same lines, but I somewhat feared of making it serious. You spoke out my mind. Thanks

Aren't we taking double standards here?

If it is a wife, we advice her to go for therapy or counselling or minor exercise as we think it is not a matter to be shaken up.
We appreciate her for accepting her weakness and encourage her to change.
I mean, it is the right way of approach when it comes to relationship. As the OP herself says that theirs is a happy marriage, and this is just a smaller issue that brings discomforts in their marriage; hence she wants to work it out.
There are so many ways to prevent it, and yes... It takes time. If OP's husband is understanding and able to tolerate this (mainly because of OP's otherwise good nature), there is no problem in handling this. They need to live longer as couples, and not as separates just for the sake of this minor issue.

But if the same is reversed, and a wife complains as if her husband slaps her (Hyral's and beautiful 30's case), but he is otherwise very good, caring and loving hence (just like the OP's husband here), they were tolerating, understanding and trying ways to change them (through counselling, therapies etc...), the forum (not everyone though) advises them as if they have confused with the thing called love, but in fact no one can beat or abuse their spouse if they love them.
There were advises to slap their husbands back, and walk out or take some serious steps to shatter the husband. As you know, sometimes such serious steps could permanently harm a marriage as a broken glass can never be seen as perfect as before however perfectly it is fixed. It applies to relationships too.

Advocating for gender balance is one thing, being a feminist is something else. I think for a successful marriage, it is always better to be balanced and not to be feminists.

Further, a marriage is all about adjustments and compromises. It differs from person to person as per their tolerance level and background.

No one needs to take an abuse if that is not tolerable, but it doesn't mean there is a perfect marriage on this earth without any problems. So all what we need is to take things with a pinch of salt.

I am sorry if I have written anything wrong... Just thought of expressing my concerns