Domestic Violence:"Why Women Stay"

From the preview of the book on Domestic Violence: "Why Women Stay" by
Nancy Faulkner, Ph.D.

It can be truly confusing to people on the outside looking in, wondering why a woman would stay with a man who beats her.

Those who don't understand say things like, "I'd leave him in a heartbeat if he ever hit me -- it would only take one time!"

And yet, despite repeated assaults, -- which can include trips to the emergency room, irreparable physical damage, alienation from family and friends, deteriorating self-esteem, children who live in fear, repeated calls for police protection, and threats of death, -- many women remain with the men who abuse them.

There can be many reasons, with more than one contributing to the problem. The categories are not discrete, with many overlapping characteristics among the arbitrary divisions.

The Safety Seeker:
It may be familiar, and oddly enough, a comfortable lifestyle.

The Blind: Not realizing it is "abuse."

The Worthless: "No one else would ever love me."

The Defective: "I deserved it; I'll do better."

The Manager: "I can keep it from happening again."

The Gullible: "He's really sorry, and it won't happen again."

The Pretender: "I know I make him sound terrible, but he's really a good
person most of the time."

The Defender: "He didn't mean to hurt me."

The Caretaker: "No one else understands him the way I do."

The Fantasizer: "But I love him."

The Martyr: "He isn't hurting the children; if he ever did, I'd leave."

The Helpless: "I can't support the children on my own."

The Hopeless: "He'll kill me if I try to leave him."

 

Dear Sriniketan,

Thanks for your immediate response.

Domestic violence is a burning issue in the west and is getting lot of attention in India with the Supreme Court passing a law few years back. You might have heard of shootings at schools in U.S. This is the result of domestic violence. Children turn violent seeing the ugly fights between the parents.

Regards,

TDU