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How to make him see sense!?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by smritisinha, Jun 12, 2013.

  1. sreemanavaneeth

    sreemanavaneeth Gold IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Hai friend,

    You have to manage everybody in your life. Your in laws will live on the earth for some years but you are going to live with your husband for a long who is the real care taker of your life. Do not worry. You keep silence and do your work only answer the question. Continuously morning and evening chant OM SAI OM SAI for 108 times . Before you are going to chant sai mantra make a sankalp SAI GIVE ME MENTAL AND PHYSICAL STRENGTH TO FACE THE SITUATION IN A WISE MANNER. MAKE EVERYONE TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT ME. I WANT MY SILENCE
    TO MAKE THEM AWAKE TO KNOW ABOUT ME. OH SAI WITH THE HELP OF YOU I WANT TO CROSS THIS SCENARIO WITHIN A SHORT SPAN OF TIME. YOU WILL SUCCEED SURELY. ONE WHO CAN MAKE OUR LIFE CALM
    IS SAI ONLY. All the best. Pls revert once you overcome from your difficulty i will be the happiest person my dear IL
     
  2. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Sorry to hear about your problems and while I don't know what to advice, I have one question for your husband. If you have a daughter and she gets married will he be okay with her cutting all ties with Her parents? Will he cut all ties with her and advice her to love her PIL's?

    No matter how much il-laws love us like a daughter, parents are parents and no one can take their place.
     
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  3. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Why don't we advocate punching in the face? Remind me again.

    If this is the case, drag the b!@#$ to a psychologist, then. Before she makes you need one for yourself. Sorry for the rough language, but I'm feeling angry beyond words.

    Smriti how do you tolerate it? I have nothing to tell you, dear. Because if I were in your place, I would have tuned the whole thing either 'is par ya us par'.
     
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  4. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Make her accusations come true. Anyway she is blaming you of those things ... Sorry honey. Hugs to you.
     
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  5. anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    I agree with sweetshreya. If i was in your place, i would have poked her eyes by now.. Don't know how you handle it. I think whenever you husband says 'she thinks of you like a daughter' dialogue. Ask him very patiently ( without crying) if he actully belives it. How would he feel if your mom was bashing up his parents infront of him at a drop of hat. Don't argue and just walk away.. tell him you respect your parents like he does his and it hurts you to hear such things. I am at loss of advice, but whatever you do, be respecful and discuss things without being too emotional..
     
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  6. prettydevil

    prettydevil Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Hugs to you dear.

    Play the blind, deaf and dumb card. MIL's blaming DIL or her parents is an old tradition. Remember, parents of son are Gods. They can never be wrong. And parents of girls are just born to serve these Gods. huh :rant

    Your MIL is never going to change. So get this fact staright into your head. Don't expect your husband to support you. Just prepare yourself for this alone. But whatever comes or you do, don't let yourself break. Be strong.

    Since your MIL used the "D" word. Be alert before her emotional melodrama starts and you get trapped into it.

    And stop pleasing these ppl. Seriously, its of no use.
     
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  7. Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    The "Darling" husband asking you too consider the ILs as parents after the "D" word is making me go all :bonk

    Yeah may be punching in the face should get em back to senses.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Smriti,

    Like Shreya, I am also feeling really angry after reading your post. It is very maddening to read it. You are so articulate and have described all the things so well in such a short post. I remember your older posts - the one where you or DH came back after an out-of-town work trip, and the one where you were longing to be in mom's house at Diwali. Most disturbing to me is that you have to get approval to go visit your folks,and being asked to forget them & worship his parents. We don't live in times when girls were married off to faraway villages and could come to see parents only annually or something and after going dizzy with joy, singing songs with other women in gardens 'pad gaye jhule sawan rut aayi' (swings are out in the garden, monsoon is here).

    I am guessing that even more than dealing with MIL/FIL and their tantrums, it must be harder to love the same person who is so blind to his parents' faults. On what to do, I have nothing new to add to the previous responses. Try to keep in mind that this too shall pass. There was an older post by Kylie that I often quote: post. That is quite true. A few years down the line you both will look back at these years and laugh. Yes, I promise, you will laugh. A marriage takes some years to become strong, and into every marriage some rain must fall. In your case, it is happening now itself. So less rain later on. I know, as solaces go, this is not of much help, but believe me, this too shall pass, and you will have a stronger marriage for having gone through it.

    Pick one battle... one that is worth winning. Go to your folks place. Do it somehow. DH will miss you so much that after you come back, he will be so delirious with joy that he will forget you ever went. :)

    Good Luck.
    -R
     
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  9. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    When I see all these men- most born in 80's still have such archaic ideas like a girl should forget her parents or should take permission to go to her parents home sounds preposterous to me.

    I think there should be mass revolution - women should just stop putting from any such demands from day 1. The other person- husband or PIL should earn the respect and love. If they are not worthy of respect it should not be given under any circumstances. If I was in similar situation a world war would have started and that is why I cannot advice anyone in these situation as I know that is not feasable option for everyone. But is moving out and setting your own home an option? At least you can escape the everyday drama.

    Talking about sanskar, anyone who abuses the parents of their son's wife cannot have much sanskar to begin with. Your MIL's behaviour is really shameful and frankly your husband should be ashamed of his parents behaviour.
     
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  10. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Thank you everyone!

    Yes, I do understand a few things. And I know where the problem is not only his parents behavior but his asserting that very behavior calling it 'advices for better future' or 'rants because they're possessive of me'.

    Rihana! Thanks a ton for that post. Yes, I do hope that time is the answer to most problems.

    Shreya, I was :rotfl at your post. Yes, she has visited a psychologist. But her claim that psychologist says the only solution to her 'problem' is keeping her under observation for a few days is just too lucrative for me!! If I jump on that, I will be blamed for wishing my MIL in a 'problem place' and wanting to have their whole property for myself!! Get it? :)

    And the very same idea is not too lucrative for her. Otherwise, her antics and tantrums will be open for an outsider to see, who will tell her she is mad and is suffering from 'controling anything and everything in her radar' syndrome. So, she claims that she is not wanting to visit any more psychics (yes, she calls the docs mental) because they are all mad wanting to fish out more money from unsuspecting foolish people on pretext of keeping them under observation and then feeding something to know all their possessions and properties!! shakehead

    You dont want to know further, trust me! :spin

    Today only, I came to know that her happiness revolves around mine. Yeah. New claim. She told my DH that if your wife is happy and talking to me, I feel good and happy. If she doesn't talk, I know somethings cooking in her mind and hence, I start imagining things and go mad. So the key to peace is your wife must smile all day long (even if my jaw aches) and talk non-stop (like a mad woman. Wait. Like her!)
     
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