On Cheeniya's Legs -- The Long and the Short of the Matter

Worries me you know. This Cheeniya guy has accused me of pulling his leg (or, legs). Not only so, he believes me to have joined a gang of leg pullers that has been attacking him since his childhood and, this is the most worrisome part of his accusation, our joint effort has stretched his legs to a size that no longer matches the rest of his body! He is even wondering if the Guinness guys might be after him to collect a whole lot of uncomfortable details now, such as his PAN number, his ATM PIN, his roll number from college days (which it seems he has forgotten since he used to bunk classes), the circumference of his tummy, his Municipal Tax bill and similar other information that he is averse to sharing with the public at large. All because he has outsize legs whose length the world is dying to find out. In an effort mind you to make him wear a crown that someone bearing a name as odd as Svetlana Pankratova (born April 29, 1971) had been surreptitiously wearing till recently.

Sad, sad, sad!! His accusation sounds like a transferred epithet to me. In case you don’t recall what a “transferred epithet” refers to, let me quote from Cheeniya’s favourite author, or at least one of his favourites. (I am almost sure about this, whether he agrees to reveal this information to the nosey Guinness blokes or not.) The author happens to be P.G. Wodehouse and this is what he had once said:

That was pretty close to the target, wasn’t it? I mean the leg he spoke of as opposed to Wodehouse’s

It seems to me that Cheeniya, like Bertie Wooster, was attending to his meditative legs after his homecoming from a sojourn in exotic Chettinad as a wandering pilgrim of sorts, when this thought struck him. He might have been ruminating over a breathtakingly long “tana” performed by some singer or other and then transferring the length of the “tana” to his legs. Alternatively, and I tend to believe that this is the most likely course his intimate thoughts had taken, he had mistaken me as a member of the group of his leg pulling fans in Indus Land, the ones I mean who pull his legs for no other purpose but to express their insatiable thirst for his blessings, and in the process, elongate his legs far too much for his comfort. Unfortunately though, he ended up converting what should have been an epithet into an accusation and hurled it against innocent bystanders who had no connection whatsoever with the length of his lengthy legs. He did so because he is known to reserve nothing but polite phrases for his fans. Only, he did not realize that I am one of his fans too, but not the leg pulling kind. In fact, my avatar should convince you in no uncertain terms that I could not possibly have been pulling his legs like chewed chewing gums

Well, that’s about the long and the short of the matter, though the “long” part appears to have caught Cheeniya’s imagination more than the “short”. And while he dwells on his “long”, I have this sneaking suspicion that the only way for me to win the approval of the readers of this snippet is to cut it short. Towards that end, let me conclude somewhat dramatically by inserting two images I had once had created for my granddaughter. She has so far refused to arrive on earth mind you (leave alone the grandson). These images were hiding in a remote corner of IL as parts of an unfinished story I had composed for the granddaughter's benefit, should she ever get to read it. And I have made it loud and clear to her that she will never be able to read a story, finished or unfinished, unless she is born in the first place.

Since the granddaughter ignored my appeal with determination, I decided today to reinterpret the images. As opposed to what they were meant to be when they were created for the granddaughter, I am inclined now to view the first image as that of Cheeniya's eyes keeping a watch over his fan club. The second then shows how Cheeniya might reveal his legs to be pulled every now and then by his admirers in order to ensure that they continue to live in a state of bliss ever afterwards !

And with that message, I submit the matter for your judgment. The whole thing worries me though, as I had said at the very beginning!!

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Animations -- Argha Bagchi

 

Dear Balajee,

Thank you for your appreciation. But the sworn Cheeniya fans might have been offended. I have this habit of putting my foot in the mouth!!

Regards.

oj

 

Dear Kamal,

Don't ha, ha. It appears that the rest of IL is sob, sobbing ... I was worried as I said. The judges may punish me now. Scary thought. In any case, I am locked up in a pillory as you can see, doing penance in advance. Before a judgment is passed I mean.

Regards.

oj