Why do people in India look down upon housewives?

Prachi20 · Jan 12, 2013

not just adult girls,even children are dictated by wot they shd do.

i remember when i was in 10th standard.cooking used to be my fav. hobby and i used to try out a new dish daily.during summer vacations,many gals of my age wud join some summer classes to learn a new hobby.this was also a trend(that everyone joins a hobby course during holidays.so u shud too!)

i never joined as i wanted to relax in my home and do things i like,for which i wont have time in my school days.

once when i was going out,a neighbour aunty of my granny's age asked me how i am spending my holidays.i replied merrily i cook new dishes daily,thinking she will be impressed that very few gals of my generation enter the kitchen nowadays.but just the opposite happened.she made a strange face"as if very angry and unimpressed with my reply and said sternly why have i not joined any summer classes to learn something?this dampened my spirits.

when i told an aquaintance about her reaction,instead of finding her behavior awkward,he started lecturing me that i shud have lied to her i have joined music classes.otherwise how will she think good about me!now this was a limit!my prestige in society is related to the fact whether i have joined a hobby class,irrespective of whether i want to,or not,but only because others also have joined it!

same way,when girls of my age joined jobs,i was still continuing my studies by joining new professional course.one day another auntyji asked me wot i was doing these days.when i told her about the new course i had joined,instead of showing any happiness about this new useful course,she said rudely why are you studying so much.why dont you earn money like your friends?look at that girl.she earns 15,000/- monthly.
and i have never talked to that auntyji again in my life,leave alone greeting her!

shyamalajh · Jan 12, 2013

In parties,when people gather what I observe is women who are knowledgeable on various topics and current affairs and speak intelligently get much more attention and respect irrespective of their job status. I think women staying home out of choice are very few in India. It is assumed she is not competitive enough or something. India , it is such rat race, being competitive is highly regraded. But, I have been out of India for too long to really don't know much. Of course, who will dislike a DIL that earns and does seva? When it is- seva and no earnings vs earning and no seva. I see Seva is preferred. They say she doesn't work but takes very good care of ILs. But if she only earns -She earns but how do I care, she gives the money to me or what?

Prachi20 · Jan 12, 2013

@sdiva

yes i dont mind a househusband but he shud be well qualified.suppose i lose job/cant work due to health issues,then he will have to work.

i strongly believe in div. of labour that our forefathers had propagated.they were wiser than our current generations.so marriages were more peaceful and children more discipliend as their mothers were alwayys there to teach them values.

Bride and her family looks for a guy with biggest earning capacity that they can afford to buy

actually i see no harm in this requirement.traditionally men are bread winners.if they dont earn well,wife will be forced to work and this leads to the imbalance which we are discussing in this thread.suppose gal doesnt want to work,or is not a superwoman as the society expects.but with a low salary of hubby she will have to work,causing so much prs. on her.

even previous generations judged a man by his job,education and income seeking a match for their daughter.
suppose you go to a market.wud u not like ro buy an attractive gud quality dress or will u buy a low quality unattractive dress.whether we like or not,marriage has become a market because of dowry expectations and because working,yet homely woemn are reqd. otherwise this was always a sacred relation.it can still become sacred if there is division of labour,ie,1 stays at home.and woman is treated as laxmi(not for paycheck but for her virtues)

sdiva20 · Jan 12, 2013

Prachi- you want to have your cake and eat it too. Life does not work necessarily work that way. Its 2013.......time to rest those traditional expectations.

You said you believe in DoL but only when the wife sits at home. why not other way? You only think life was more peaceful in the good old days? Women then had no education, no choices? So you are saying you were ok with the days when small girls were married off to older men, women worked long and hard with no modern conveniences, men never helped their wives in any chores at home from their teenage years to their death taking care of entire family?

You don't see anything wrong with women's expectation of having a rich catch??? You ask what if the girl does not want to work....I ask what if the guy does not want to work? Society expects (people like you) a lot from guys too. What if the guy's has the desire to be STHD?

What you are looking for is man who has great education, great job and earning potential so that you can take it easy and stay at home and be the pampered princess. I hope you have a lot to offer too in terms of great beauty, ability to take wonderful care of your husband and (PIL's), make gourmet meals for entire family 365 days a year, raise wonderful kids etc.

If you ask me I dont believe in dowry or traditional roles for men or women. I wanted to put my education to good use and make something of myself instead of waiting for my prince charming to come rescue me. He did come but it was when I was busy leading a productoive life. When time comes, and kids should be priority, my husband and I will jointly decide the best course for our family. Just so you know- plenty of working mother teach their children very good values too.

polymorphic · Jan 12, 2013

If it is of any relief to the OP, Even working women look down upon housewives. When I had baby, I decided to take a break from full-time job when I was not able to manage 5 month baby without IL or parents help. I just could not bear to see the careless ways of the nanny. But not even 1 yr into not working, I could hear people mostly women in IL and relatives who would comment about not working. If we determine our worth by what others think of us, we could be a superwoman and still be commented on being superwoman... so do your thing and respect your time and yourself.

sdiva20 · Jan 12, 2013

Agreed Polymorphic- cannot heed what everyone says. I would say a woman who stays back to take care of her child is to be commended and not criticized. In America, if a woman can be SAHM and still live a nice lifestyle, its the American dream. Just got to ignore the noise and live your life

shyamalajh · Jan 12, 2013

prachi,

One reason, even high earning men may want working wife could be job insecurity of these times. If one loses job due to bad economy other one has.

Mehana · Jan 12, 2013

Well said Shyamalaj.

Being in US or anywhere, having employed is good for both H and wife. Also its good for woman, gaining self confidence, more independent, socialize...with others.

Also I do see other women staying at home for family, thats good if your H is well enough secured job and financially settled.

My opinion, as a women going to job is good always.

Prachi20 · Jan 12, 2013

MY RESPONSES BELOW ARE ADDRESSED TO sdiva20"

Prachi- you want to have your cake and eat it too.
How?

What if the guy's has the desire to be STHD?

read my earlier posts before jumping to conclusions.then you'll know what i said about stay at home husbands..

So you are saying you were ok with the days when small girls were married off to older men, women worked long and hard with no modern conveniences, men never helped their wives in any chores at home from their teenage years to their death taking care of entire family?

where did i say so?kindly quote my exact lines.

You don't see anything wrong with women's expectation of having a rich catch???

your have jumped to conclusions without understanding what i said!.you use these phrases "rich catch" as if girls parents are some crafty traders who are trying to trap rich men.kindly read my lines again if you not done so carefully,since i never sounded like this in any of my posts.

coming to your rebuttals to me,no i see nothing wrong.with due respect your family,irrespective of whether your sister/daughter works,are you okay seeking not so educated,not so well earning spouse for her?are you okay if your working sister/daughter decides to become a housewife after few yrs. for genuine reasons but she cannot, since her husband is neither earning well,nor well educated to get a better job.so she has to struggle v.v.hard to make both ends meet.or is it better to seek someone who's v.well paid,v.well educated,so that if she decides to quit job,no dearth of money is there.

What you are looking for is man who has great education, great job and earning potential so that you can take it easy and stay at home and be the pampered princess

request you to mind your words!!

you shud know the basic manners on how to disagree with someone's views in online forums without getting personal.i hope your education has taught you humility,not just literacy.
your words shows how much respect you have for housewives.you show them to be some lazy,selfish,money sucking dames.you think they do nothing at home!!

we were exactly discussing how much people(including women)look down on housewives,as if they are good for nothing.now we have a live example of 1 such person...

I wanted to put my education to good use and make something of myself instead of waiting for my prince charming to come rescue me. He did come but it was when I was busy leading a productoive life.

That's upto you.

Just so you know- plenty of working mother teach their children very good values too.

did i say working women teach no values? this is your own conclusion about what i said..

and just to let you also know,only those women can teach values who have values themselves,whether they work on not.First thing every woman must teach their child is to respect every human,whether he earns or not,"instead of mocking at them".I hope you too will become such a mother.

BTW,I am a working girl myself.BUT my education has not only taught me facts,but also to become courteous to all people,whether rich or poor,whether employed or not,whether disabled or not,and so on.I am so proud of my family values!