The Risk - A Sequel To Warning Bells

sudhavnarasimhan · Nov 28, 2006

Just another thought i wanted to share Sridhar!
was wondering how come she did not want to learn dancing again! Well maybe ur Vara will think of that next now that she has achieved what everyone thought was the impossible ....well kindly send her to me okay....i do have german students who are above 50, no joking and theis woman i have seen is the best of all my students....so dedicated, she not only learns fro me , but also other forms of dancing....and performs too! Of couirse in this country no one condemns but appreciates the efforts and also she stays alone, no family commitments or pressures....so .....Once you let this Vara come into this forbidden area, then once again you are setting higher ideals to dream, na!?
Well what does the writer in you think about this...?:tongue

varalotti · Nov 28, 2006

You made me think again, Sudha!

Only after I read your post did I start to wonder why did I introduce two-wheelers at all. Vara was a dancer at the time of marriage and it is quite understandable if she wants to re-learn dancing and give performances at this age. And Vara is a character who wont mind what others would say.
So why did I introduce two-wheelers when dancing was already there? I thought over the problem and now I have got the answer.
First, the importance is not on the activity but on the attitude. Vara now wants to assert her freedom. Do you remember in 1999 India conducted a nuclear test at Pokran. Many condemned it as a wasteful exercise. No it was not. It was a very important act to assert India's sovereignty. Beleive me, US started to respect India's words only after that.
Vara's attempt to do a daredevil act was her way of blasting a bomb and proclaim to others, "Here's a woman who is on her own. Don't try to meddle with her."
Had India taken a more peaceful and a passive route than conducting a nuclear test, for example by holding a symposium or giving a memorandum, it would not have had the desired effect. The only language that US understands is show of might, which India did. Similarly if Vara had opted for a cookery class or an embroidery class, her freedom statement would not have been effective. Her own DIL would have dismissed that with a derisive smile. But her choice of the medium of expression made her freedom declaration very effective. I am sure that her DIL would not venture to meddle with Vara's affairs in future.
Second, when she wanted to dance soon after the marriage her husband had rejected that request with brutal words. Women psychology is to get totally embittered at such a rebuttal. And I am sure every time she sees a salangai she would have had that bitterness. That is the reason why she did not venture into dancing.
Third, Vara was a good dancer in her younger days. Now when she re-learns dancing, she might regret her inability to make some difficult muthirais etc. and that would make her sad, for she could do it elegantly when she was young. She might have avoided to dance on this ground also.

Sudha, I am very happy that Varalotti's Vara has affected so many ladies so much. The fact that you have been writing about her with a gap of two or three days show that she is in your mind constantly.
My intention of posting the story is not to urge every lady to learn bike-riding in their fifties; but to assert their freedom whatever may be their age. Bike-riding was a medium of expression. And there are other media which are equally powrful, if not more.

Freedom assertion cannot be done through role-typing activities like painting, drawing, stitching etc. though a woman can express her creativity through them.

Did I clarify or confuse? Please let me know.
sridhar

AGR · Nov 28, 2006

Dear Sridharji

Freedom is a feeling…….It is what we are trying to experience and enjoy…….(unlike <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region> trying to prove a point to US)…..and what is vara trying to prove?? Okey, if its freedom to whom is she trying to prove???.......her son or her husband or her DIL……..for what……… Sridharji, what I feel is freedom is not given by anybody………we are born free and being a social animal we adjust and sacrifice our wishes for others whome we like very much………Its like this, Vara has not chosen to pursue dance because her loving and caring husband does not like it……..though I agree that the way the son & dil had expressed their view was wrong any sensible person would say..." take care mom"…….I would say mom/MIL the same thing, is it required now??? why do you want to be too adventurous now……. We will take care of you……..whatz wrong in that??........

sudhavnarasimhan · Nov 28, 2006

Dear AGR,

I was also just thinking the same thing about Freedom....it is definetely a feeling to enjoy and experience what we want to.....and if we decide to sacrifice or not do something when the hubby or children say, we will listen to it to a certain extent....but if we can prove that we will not be harming anyone , but only make ourselves feel better, and if the people around us are really our well wishers and love us they proclaim that they do, then there will be no allowing r disallowing! They will advise us , but i am sure they will not be deterrent , in doing what we want to.

You have brought that out well....and since i am in this field of dance,i know what it is like , to feel free and enjoy what i am best at ! It gives so much of pleasure not only to me but to all around me!

sudhavnarasimhan · Nov 28, 2006

Dear sridhar,

Now the writer in you is giving more character to Vara....well i was not aware that she was such a modern tinking woman.....if she was so she would not really be sticking to madisaar, that is my sincere opinion!
And as reagards to Dancing, we dont have to be perfect or go on stage....if she was such a good dancer i am sure she would have loved to pass on her enjoyment and talent to others......as a service....since dancing which i am talking about is not freedom, or just going to a disco ....but the classical dancing( which is what ur Vara, must have learnt), is more to do with a union with the divine...more inline with what Chitra has been discussing with us in her Vedanta thread!
So lie AGR says, freedom is a sense of feeling....for some it can be in zooming on their two wheelers, for some it could be swimming, and for some maybe dancing.
And i am really wondering, dont we women have freedom to do things we want to....now that you have highlighted this point., i can realise how much we have to depend on father or hubby or sons( daughters usually understand mothers!) to do things we really want to! wow....what an eye opener! So what we really need is to asset ourselves with the MEN in our life ...is this what you are finally arriving at!? :mrgreen:

PS....I am just helping you to fine tune the VARA character and in the bargain help you to maybe understand a woman at least .1 percent...( indhu , help me.. .thank God , you are on IL )

varalotti · Nov 28, 2006

Let me try to be short this time!

Dear Sudha,
I dont want you to pigeonhole Vara into any of those "categories". She is a rebel, if you want it and she has independent thinking. Why do we shun madisaar? Because it gives so much of an old age look or tells the people that you belong to a different period. And many women don't know the art of wearing it gracefully. The problem is madisar is viewed as museum piece and is a sort of ceremonial dress.

But Madisar was a work-a-day dress for women less than 100 years ago. And with that they could do much heavier work than we can even imagine. I vividly remember an iyengar cook who used to come to our house for special occasions. This was several decades ago; when there was no gas, no cooker, no gadgets nothing. This cook would get up at 4 in the morning and by 10 am she would have finished all the work. The dress and the person were one and the same.
I particularly introduced madisar because we should not shun any thing because it is old.

The second point I want to make is this. Women love to have freedom whatever may be their age. But in their younger age they are afraid that their actions might spoil the party, so they just accept whatever is imposed and go along. It is only when they are fifty they realise the real worth of following their hearts desire.

Women like Vara would just harden themselves more if people oppose their ideas. Nothing kindles the fire of free spirit like an act of opposition.

Would I agree if my wife comes with some dare-devil idea like that? I am not sure. That is my ideal. But like every other person I am torn between the ideal and the reality. But I can tell one thing for sure; that is the ideal I want to grow up to. Whether that would happen in this life or next, or after a hundred lives, I don't know.
sridhar

Varloo · Nov 28, 2006

Hai,
wearing madisar must be her decision, then it is no problem. We feel that wearing modern dress is freedom, but no. When the woman can decide what she wants to wear, that is freedom.
When my elder bro got married, he all asked our sil to wear salwar kameez. But she refused and said she is comfortable only in saree. The second sil also feels the same. So they wear only sarees all the time. It is their choice. We did not force them to wear salwar kameez.
And I would say that I have met some very modern women in madisars.

ambika ananth · Nov 28, 2006

Here I am again...with my opinion..

If you were piqued by some words of mine…I am equally piqued by these words of yours…

“my point is that once you have that desire it is better to take the risk of fulfilling it than burying it deep inside our minds and letting it come out as frustration, embitterment and other related feelings.”

Oh, most of the women can handle their desires better – the fulfilled ones or the unfulfilled ones. No woman can claim that she will take a risk and fulfill all her desires…!! Some desires are very dangerous to physical and emotional health of a woman ..its better that she becomes frustrated or embittered by suppressing them than land in many other varied problems which her ‘desires’ can push her into. I am not talking about ‘Vara’ and her simple desire….and by fulfilling such desires a woman cannot proclaim she is free and liberated to fulfill all her desires. I guess you are focusing only on the positive side of ‘desire fulfillment’…you can see the negative side in any of our daily soaps on TV…the ‘desires’ of women …do you still think its better to take risk and fulfill one’s desires…
It’s a different ball game to feel ‘free’ and enjoy ‘freedom’….but taking ‘risk’ as your title suggests is different….
I am not against your “Vara’ or any woman with that kind of strong will…in fact I admire them.
Yes, as you said, if my husband and sons reprove my decisions and desires purely out of concern and love….I will kill my desire without any hesitation…in the interest of a larger picture.
People are bound not by any ropes. .but are bound to the heart strings of loved ones...
This is my perception Sridhar…I don’t know how many women would come up and accept this truth..
With due respects to Induslad,
I remain open to discussion..
regards
ambika

varalotti · Nov 28, 2006

Small Letters, Big Message

ambika ananth said: ↑

Ambika, you out of your large heart of solid gold suppose that most of the women can handle their desires better - the fulfilled ones and the unfulfilled ones. But all women are not blessed like you to have that maturity.

There is no question of fulfilled desires. But unfulfilled desires have petrified many a woman's mind and have made them to rot.

Now coming to the risk part of it, I think when I said scooty and Chennai, you thought that the madisar-clas orthodox fiftyish thing was driving the twowheeler at 10 AM somewhere near the MG Road-Commercial street junction. Living in an extension area like let's say, Adyar, Indra nagar or Anna Nagar of Chennai she can use the vehicle to drive within that residential area. Not much of a risk.

And the most important point is that Vara has already been snubbed by her husband, when she wanted to dance. That has been a blow to her identity. Knowing her character when she broaches this two-wheeler subject if her near and dear had told something softly or with concern she might have listened. Or if the DIL had not mentioned in so many rude words she might have reconsidered her decision.

And finally in a very poetic way you have given a wonderful answer to your own question.

When people are bound by the heart strings of their loved ones, they would never want to break the bonds. But if instead they were bound by ropes, (in this case the strong words, the rude comments, the snubbing) then they would give their lives to break lose from that hell. And that's what Varalotti's Vara did.

Ambika, just imagine a mother in law being insulted by her dil for the very act of telling her desire and that too in the presence of her husband and son. Would she not develop the determination to prove them wrong?

Now let's quit emotions and talk about pure risk. I would say that the probability of someone not taking enough care falling in a bathroom is higher than someone getting hurt while driving a twowheeler if the person is cautious enough.

Madam Public Prosecutor, Your Honour, with this the Defence rests. A rest which the defence badly needs.
regards,
sridhar

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sudhavnarasimhan · Nov 28, 2006

H ah , ha Sridhar, you have just taken only the madisar and gone into it....
I know all about this since i have been conducting saree shows and explaining the impotance of madisar or for that matter the marathi, 9 yards, in which a woman those days could swim too or go riding on horse back( rani Jhansi)and there is evidence for this!

But the only reason it was there that time was that the art of stitching was not in vogues and saree happens to be the only UNSTITCHEd cloth , known till today and which is prevalent to this day! But now that the art of stitching has taken the worls bystorm, we have all the modern dresses etc!
But still , i also agree with Ambika that desires can be positive or negative....so .......it all depends on how the woman can first classify her Desire....( i wonder if this word is the correct choice here in this context), and then if she can convince her loving ones to let her fulfil this!
But at the end of the day , where is the freedom, when we have to convince everyone in the family and take their permission!?

what do u say! This discussion is really getting heated up...i am cooling off now, and hope the others also join in !