To work or not to work!

Hmmmm... lets go back to very beginning.... you know more about vedas n all - I have never read them. But from the abdridged version we read in story books, men/gods were always the leader. Raja-rani sat together in courts, but men were generally the voice of the court. Grihasth jeevan began when man got married down and women bore kids. Natural progression was women took care of newborns and recuperated and also managed home while men stepped out to arrange for food. Men were physically stronger - expected to perform all the laborious jobs. Roles were kinda divided and fell into place because of the natural events. That set the tone of any culture - men expected to be primary bread winner.

Fast fwd to todays lifestyle, women are chipping in equally income wise and some cases more. However, most men do not shoulder home management equally, blame it on the chauvinistic mindset that carries on from neanderthal ages. The corrupted version - "Men aren't meant to do household chores" If income is sufficient enough, housekeepers, cooks, nannies... are arranged to help out in house. If not, well u know how it is in most cases.

And for those who chose to deviate (daddies chose to stay home) from this are accepted with awe and admiration by open minded people and ridiculed by others. But the question is how many are truly open minded to accept this change?

It actually stems from the way girls and boys are brought up. Up till our parents generation, boys were expected to excel in academics and get a well paying job... girls were taught household chores even when being sent to school. Although it still continues in our generation, it has changed significantly, we are teaching our sons to learn household work along with our daughter. Until this becomes a norm, the big elephant will be ignored.

I am all over the place :bonk

 

Does that mean that if both husband and wife are working, like we do, my learned, respected, know-it-all, been-there-done-that-not-worth-it-advisory, original google-wiki deadly combo and the most modest person on earth, MIL should GO :eek :eek :hide: :banana

What a relief it would be!!! Please don't feed me dreams for the night! I'll be really sad knowing that it can not be implemented afterall :-(

Started dreaming! Damn! Whats with me!shakehead

 

Dears, (Long post again...Hold on!)


My take on the subject, and heall yeah! I am child of such a couple(Father non-earning)!


Am I happy with this? Well, when I was in school, I was never happy. All the boys would say their father is this and that. I would make my father "someone" every time . I knew something was not correct because every other's father would work, and mom wouldn't, but it was the other way at home. Could not get the idea at all.


I also did not want to ask my dad about this. Scared, if it would hurt him. I loved him, (though I fear him the most on this earth) but never actually asked. It was then that I asked my mom. She told, When I was a newborn, the conditions were so tough that dad had to quit his job. Mom was posted to Assam those days, which was kind of a "war-zone". Dad was in bangalore, so they both could not look after me. I was raised for the first two years by my daadi (she still claims she has more rights over me than my parents). Mom would not get a posting, her resignations were rejected again and again. After two years my parents had enough and dad decided he had to quit if they wanted me in their life! A brave decision!


I then asked my dad too. How could you leave your job? You could have waited for some more time. He said(I wouldn't forget this) "you were our biggest priority, not the job". And he said it is not easy at all. "As I am the head of the family, the society expects me to work, not your mom. I do not work, so often I have to face any humiliation. Even for a shaving blade, I have to depend on your mom. But when I think of the situation that led me to it, I feel I made the right choice".


Am I happy now? "What more can I ask from my father? He gave up his life, his career for me" :kiss


So if someone asks for the "equality" factor in job of a couple, my take is this:

1. Think about your kids/unborn children first. You dont want him to say that his father doesnt work. Really!


2. Do not bring up the equality stuff in it. Males are supposed to work for the family since ages. If you want that equality factor, try changing the society first!

 

It means that if you feel strongly about looking after your parents, you should give up your job and take care of them and if your DH wants to look after his parents, then he should give up his job and look after his parents.

 

well if he has some definitive alternate plans...like goin into some small scale business/testing his artistic talents etc...which may all take some time to materialize into money, then why not. but if he doesnt, and jus want to laze around, then no.

and im saying this because i think its a criminal waste to not utilize all that education and effort u and ur parents have helped put in. male or female, it doesnt matter.

 

You ain't seen nothing yet
You seem to be very clear in your thoughts; wish you luck for a happily married life and hope things turn out as you want them to.

 

kuttertan,
really brave of your Dad to be SAHD in those days............now,its fashionable.......though few & far one does find SAHD but 20 yrs back your dad may well be the 1st even only SAHD in India.

and its really nice of you not to try & glorify him.you still want Dads to work rather then stay home .........and personally I ,too feel we give much importance to this equality concept which has brought nothing but discontentment in people