Is wishing separate home unfair?

hi,
i know a buisness family with same setup like yours.my friend also joined the family buisness once her son was 1 yrs old & it really helped her a lot that Mil's house was near her own............MIL could keep an eye on the maid who was employed for the child,then once the kid started playschool he used to come back by mid day to MIL's house,eat food,have small sleep & by the time she used to come back the child was well rested & in happy mood...........
in a way it helped her a lot having MIL live near her..........

they all go for a joint family dinner every week & rest of the week she cooks for herself when she comes back from the store......her MIL packs lunch for her & her husband everyday........
now,as its been a year to your marriage you guys should make some arrangment to have food all working days yourself & invite them to your place for weekend dinner........sometimes you need to express what you want & you will be surprised when you find they also want same thing......otherwise also its too much trouble for your Inlaws to buy ,then cook & then clean up after dinner for whole of family every night..........if guest are there you can compromise by going till guest stays......

 

Hi Meera,

It is fair to want a sep home, nothing wrong in it since u made this clear right from the beginning. Since the home is near, he would go there v often and expect u to do so too. I am also in the same situation and my hubby goes to his mums place almost every day. At first I too went but slowly I gave excuses. Now that We have two kids, my hubby still goes there every day as his mum would call saying she has cooked special food for him etc. when staying nearby, there is no escape I feel. My kids go to in laws place every Saturday night for sleepover. It's a break for me. Kids also get to spend time with grandparent. What I'm trying to say is slowly u will get used to it. It's especially helpful when u have kids. However u have to insist that he spends quality time with u so that u can bond with him. If u dont feel like going to in laws place, just give some excuse.

 

hmm since you had demanded a seperate house from begining of your marriage you have all the right to have it. Speak to your DH about his promise of seprate kitchens after 6 months while marrying you.

you can do one more thing to begin start preparingn food for all his extended family members at your own house and then share it with them say you wanted your MIL to take some rest so you prepared everything at your home and then her prepare the dinner slowly make habbit of sending one plate of whatever food you prepare to them they will get used to this over time and your DH will also feel your not neglecting them. if you get comments or taunts JUST IGNORE coz ignorense is BLISS

 

Hi Meera... I completely understand your situattion. Wishinga seprate house from in-laws... I guess its every other girl's dream... so no guilt feeling there...we are all brought up to live a life that makes us and our well-wisher's happy.

But.. looking at your current situation and your momma's boy hubby ....IMO... if you take a house somehwere else... wont your in-laws come over at your place again and agian for a stayover or weekends... That would make your life more hell... as you cannot ask them to get out politely or arrogantly.

All I am trying to say is, stay next door to them, BUT per YOUR rules. Under all circumstances, strat coooking food at your palce and then carry it over to your in-laws. you have to convince your husband for this. Make this a habbit. This way you will get entire evening free for yourself and can have dinner with in-laws at their place as per your DH's wish. Then slowly slowly.... make something up...like our not feeling well or stomach pain and ask your husband to come to your place and take the food and go to his mommy dear's place for dinner. And then slowly make it a pratice to vist them only few times... but in all this.. make sure that they dont start coming at your palce.

If yoru H wants to visit them regularly... tehre is nothing much that can stop a momma's boy from doing that as these kind of men realise that they are not test tube babies...only the minute they get married. Wish God had created a seperate heart for men exclusively only for their wifes.

 

very happy for you dear stay blessed all the best