Should I marry? in a unique situation...

If he wants to get married and gives his approval go ahead,find a girl for him.
As to whether a girl will accept this,it totally depends on the girl,tell the girl and her parents everything about your family and your brother,see how it goes.You can arrange meet ups.
Nothing wrong in expecting an educated girl,you can always encourage a girl to study further or work.
Post an ad in one of the popular matrimonial sites and take it from there.
Good luck!

 

Is your brother older than you. Why is your mother not looking out for him too along with you.
I think you are putting too many things on your plate. Take one after the other. First decide when do you want get married before your brother or after.
If it is before. You have to communicate your plans and commitment to your brother (whether he stays single or married) to the girl during your first meet. You should be upfront with the prospective girls and than marry the one who is willing to respect your commitment with your brother.
If you are planning to get married after your brothers than you have to talk to him and your mother about it.

 

I have seen 2-situations in US. It didn't work well with home managed care. When both parents were able, took care of brother that needed attention. The supporting brother lived with his wife separately, she eventually divorced him few years after their marriage in US and didn't want to have any kids (paranoid?). Still, mother is alive and father passed away. The mother(in her 70'), brother (in his 50's) are taking care of the retarded brother (in his late 40's), moved back to their native place in India.

The second case, both parents are working in US. Knew about the baby having autism before her birth and decided not to abort the child. Took care of the girl till her late teens with special care @home and beyond that, she became unmanageable. The girl is in her late 20's, now and living in special autism home for adults.

It is sad to hear about your brother, it will be much harder to manage home care for the autism adult, in India. I would recommend, finding a good speciality home for your brother before thinking about your marriage. It will be the reasonable approach because I have seen both of the autism adults and it wasn't an easy task. It is unfair expectation put on your future wife. -- JMO

 

What does your brother do? Did he go to school? Can he eat and bath by himself? There are lots of girls who would love to get settle down even they hear your story. Be frank when you approach the families. Once you get settle down, think what should you with your brother? May be your brother will I prove. Wait and see. Good luck.

 

Dear OP

I understand you want to take care of your brother ... And I also understand that when your brother cant take care of his basic tasks also then he wouldn't be ready for marriage now... Also he is just 21... I would suggest you to go through matrimony or your close family friends circle and let them know that you are expecting a girl who can support some one who has concerns for his brother ... I think you need to arrange for a care giver for your brother so that you can live your life too... Because in a long picture even if a girl understands your concerns she would want to live her own married life like any other girl ... And your mom will be happy to see you married

 

hi,

I have seen a family in same situation like yours. But they had a bed ridden girl in her twenties. The boy got married to a simple educated girl who took care of her sister very well even during her pregnancy. Boys both parents are alive and supportive to them. A very happy family.. i never saw them in trouble due to the girl. But this girl is no more. It depends on person to person whether they would like to take care or not. But you can't ask others to play your role. none can be better than you. Getting him married will bring many problems to your family which will be beyond control. Look for your marriage and tell your situation honestly. You will definitely find someone by your side.

 

If your brother can't handle his own responsibility and you have to take care of his basic tasks, he cannot take responsibility of a wife. Please don't get him married and get him a glorified maid. She will just get frustrated in future and feel trapped. I know of one similar case though not directly related to me. The guy is now old. From what I know, it was suggested he be married but grandmother denied saying, I took care of their family throughout my life but if he marries, it means not just his responsibility, bu his wife's and his kids. I can do it till I am alive but I cannot put so much responsibility on my other kids in future. What if they deny doing it in future? He will be how it is, but what would be of his wife and kids.

Also, you are already putting responsibility of your brother on your would be wife. She is of course suppose to take care of your mother, now you are adding another person to it. Think of when your brother's wife will feel unequaled in love, gifts and status of life compared to your wife.

BTW the responsibility you think you can manage now will increase in future. Mother will get old, take care of her, your family- wife and kids(education, marriage), your retirement, your brother, now you want to add responsibility of another family to yourself- your brother's wife and kids, their retirement money, education, basic living, marriages etc.
I would suggest getting a wife who works, so that extra income could be used to get manual help for your brother, like nurses or care takers etc. I don't know how dependent your brother is, but your mom is getting old, and you cannot expect your wife to so very personal things like helping him in restroom, changing, etc when you are out to work throughout the day.
Tell this very clearly to the prospects you are meeting. Be flexible on a low key wedding or a family who can't spend much on wedding or aren't as rich in lieu of a loving, understanding girl who will happily share the responsibility knowing what to expect in future. There would be a lower chance of her feeling used, or suffocated with extra responsibilities if she knows the conditions from very start.