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Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Puzzled123, Jul 17, 2012.

  1. Puzzled123

    Puzzled123 New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I have been a silent reader in this forum and I enjoy reading many sections in IL.:thumbsup
    I need some suggestion for my problem.:drowning I am not sure if I’m handling it properly. :spin
    I am 27 years old and working in IT. I have BF and he too works in IT. We are in relationship for 5 years.:) We are waiting for parents’ approval to get married. I have no issues with him.

    I have a problem because of one person(Say Z). We were friends for a year. He didn’t have a close friend in females during our friendship. But I had friends in male and female. That would have lead him to propose to me indirectly using some hints. I said that I am not interested. But he kept on asking for the reasons and I said that I didn’t think you in that way and I started reducing communication.

    After that I met my BF and I felt that he is the one for me (It may sound cinematic but i really felt it) and I proposed him and he eventually accepted it. My BF is aware of this Z person and he also talked with him to not to disturb me again. But he didn’t believe that I have a BF. My BF said that I don’t have any issues with having friends in male but if you continue to talk with this Z then he will think that you have some feelings for him. So I totally stopped talking to him. I thought this will help him to forget me. Initially I felt that i missed him (Of course he was my friend for a year) and I came out of it. I introduced my others friends (both girls and boys) to my BF and he did the same to me and we have many common friends now.

    There were 2 incidents lead me to totally hate him -

    One happened on my birthday after i stopped talking to him (its almost 9 months). I got a gift from him on my b'day. You may feel that it’s not a big deal. But the problem is i have moved from one apt to another apt just 3 days before my birthday. I didn’t even know my full address details that time. I got the first post and it was his gift. I know that he was working in diff city. I was shocked when i saw the gift. I felt that he is tracking/following my whereabouts. My BF talked to him and said that don’t do this again. BF said to me that don worry about this and just ignore him. There were no posts after that.

    After few months I and my BF got a job offer in UK and we have moved here. Last year I got an email from one girl (that’s how stated in the email) "are you so and so and studied here etc. She mentioned my details correctly and has few more details like my life is in danger. only you can help me from the disaster. I am confused and I had no choice other than replying to her. I emailed that yes, but I’m afraid how i can help you on your problem. She replied that "you are friend of Z person right. I am in love with him and he said he will accept it only If You says Okay". I was like what’s happening there. Why is he dragging me in this? I didn’t reply anything. She started sending email everyday that pls say to him that you are okay with it. I lost my patience and replied that stop sending emails to me. I can’t do anything in this. I don’t want to be involved in this. Deal with him directly. She replied pls call me once and I will explain my situation. I can’t live without him and blah blah. I talked with my BF and he said ok lets call her once and check. We called the number in the email from some public phone and we heard some male voice (not his voice) and it seems that he was drunk. We were so frustrated and hung up. After 2/3 days, I got a email from that girl that at least say that you will not marry him in future. I was so pissed off after reading that email and emailed her that i never had that intentions and i will not in future also. Stop sending emails to me otherwise you will be in trouble. I got a thanks note and she mentioned that she will not email me again. I am not sure if any of his friends (or him) tried to play some prank.

    But this Z person tried to talk to me once in a while (When I was in India and now he doesn’t know my phone number) and email me once in 4 or 5 months like he got a new job, new phone, new bike or new house or wish me on my bday or email me on his bday that I was expecting your call and blah blah. It’s been almost 5.5 years since I talked to him. Whenever I see his email, I feel some guiltiness that after all he was my friend once and and why don’t I just reply to his email alone. But I totally forgot about it after few days. After 4/5 months when i see new email from him then I will feel the same that am i hurting him with my behavior by completely ignoring him and forgot abt it after 2 or 3 days.

    I am not sure how long I should continue to do this. I am not a very great person. I want to live my life peacefully and happily. He is behaving like I loved him and broke up with him. I know that many people are living peacefully after their breakup. But i never loved him. He knows it but he doesn't accept it. Why is he still emailing me? Will he start tracking me when I move back to India? I want to put some end point to this.

    Sometimes I feel that am not handling this problem properly. But I don’t know to handle it in a better way. Do you have suggestions to handle it? Thanks in advance :bowdown

    PS - Sorry for the long email chain.:hide:
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2012
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  2. anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    Hornets nest. Stay away if you don't want drama. The guys sounds like a looser who can't take no for an answer. Set his email as spam and forget he ever existed. Please don't feel guilty about friendship etc. He is not worthy enough.
     
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  3. Puzzled123

    Puzzled123 New IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot anahita for your response. His emails alone remind his presence. I blocked his email addresses. He sends emails from different email ids. :( :(
     
  4. maroon

    maroon Gold IL'ite

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    Dear, this could be so annoying. Good for you that your BF is supportive in this matter. Please do keep your BF updated about every single email you get from your friend. If possible, change your email id and let know everyone in your address book. Otherwise, just do not bother to reply and dont fret for not having done so. A person who is bothering you so much can no longer be your friend. He should keep his limits when he knows you are with someone else. You should not have bothered to call/email that 'girl'.
     
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  5. Hachiko

    Hachiko Gold IL'ite

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    You should change your email id and phone number.Try to ignore any email or call from Z.You bf sounds to be understanding and supportive.But at that the same time,you must try to understand that everything got a limit.At one point of time,guys can get irritated and annoyed.so better,Dont divulge too much to your bf and try to solve it by your own.
     
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  6. Geetanjalikumar

    Geetanjalikumar Gold IL'ite

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    Please change your email id and please never respond to his emails. There is nothing you need to feel guilty about not communicating with him. You are doing the right thing. This guy has crossed his limits long time ago.
     
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  7. Puzzled123

    Puzzled123 New IL'ite

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    Thanks maroon. I too felt that i should not have emailed that 'girl' after i made the call. But i thought if i did not reply to the marriage question email, she (or he) could have misunderstood my silence. :(. whenever i get an email from him, i try to delete my personal email accounts. But after 2 or 3 days, i forget about him and leave it as such.
     
  8. Puzzled123

    Puzzled123 New IL'ite

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    Thanks Hachiko. I changed my phone number. Surely i will take some steps to delete my email accounts this time. Reg BF, I too feel the same. I do not know when he will lose his control and get irritated. That's why i have created this thread to get some suggestions from IL.
     
  9. Puzzled123

    Puzzled123 New IL'ite

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    Thanks Geeta. sure, I will delete my email account. I hope that would help a lot.
     
  10. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    He is a stalker. Completely shut him out.
     

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