help please - my wife and I are so different

Then why did you not marry your girlfriend? Your wife is a different person and you have to accept her as she is. Did you take out time before marriage to know her better? Did you not figure out that you are so different then? Its seems to me that youa re complaining for invalid reasons.

 

dear op,

question yourself why you want to change her and what change you want to bring within her...

select the most important change you want to see in her and educate her about the need to change and what change you are expecting from her...

slowly you can take on from there...

best of luck...

 

True Love is unconditional. You cannot have conditions such as I want her to be dashing daring etc .. you have to accept her as she is and love unconditionally.

Also to be frank, you did not go in for love marriage where you would have known the person you were marrying in and out. You have gone in for arranged marriage - then itself you have decided to accept a person who may have a different personality, choices, behaviour etc as your wife. How can you now want a particular type of person as your wife when you already denied yourself this choice years ago. Do not cry over the past. Make your future as best as possible.

 

I can understand your situation and where you are coming from. One thing I can suggest to you if you want to make her answer a question is to ask open ended questions - not ones where she can answer with a yes or a no, or just a "whatever you like". Be firm and tell her that she should make a decision. Try asking her to chart out a schedule for both of you for a weekend - like where she would like to go, what she would like to do.

Another question I would like to ask is was she forced to marry you? Her formality could be part of her upbringing. You might find it hard to change that if she is very stuck on it.

 

The truth is your wives is the type most men would want to have obedient and does as per the husband says.If I become like that my husband will love it because I am stubborn and we are always arguing and kids get scared.

 

I dont know why, but I feel your wife is so cute.. and you are cute for her and you both would make a lovely couple as years pass. She wants to do her best to be an ideal wife and you want to give her all the independance and want her to be more outgoing. Yes, she is very innocent and feels good when she's hand holded. If not for your GF who is acting as a reference point here for you to look up and compare every now and then, I think you would have been more accepting and focusing on ways to move forward rather than dwelling on the so called irritants. I am sure you realized that already from the other posts.

Rather than demanding her to be daring and outgoing, you should make her feel so comfortable in your company that she would open up more on her own. Directly asking her to be so-and-so will only make her go back to her shell. You must pamper her, cuddle her, treat her like a baby, ask her sweet little questions for which she would certainly answer - all this so she will feel utmost comfort and that will slowly kindle the 'talking devil' in her If she says "whatever you say" reply back "no, whatever my lovely wife says":thumbsup And there are always dialogues like "we are both one soul in two bodies, so lets not distant ourselves in anyway". In essence, Iam just trying to say that you can handle this in a more funny and loving way which will eventually make her understand what you want.

I can tell you from my experience, I also used to be very shy, quiet and an obedient wife. But my DH literally pampered me and I got so close and comfortable with him that now I do all the talking

 

I have similar qualities ( I mean that). What I feel is its not that she dont have her own choice but she loves you so much that she likes whatever you like. Trust I myself like that. And of course its not intentional that she gives away her choice, she might actually feel that your choice is better than her.