Is it Possible To Love 2 People at the same time?

You are not a bad person dear. No one said that here. We are all human and we have our strengths and weaknesses. You just have to choose where you can afford to be weak and where to be strong.
You love your husband and that is what matters. I'd say, even if you love your husband is an iota more than this guy, it would be worth pursuing, what ever trouble you may face after this.

But you'd have to put an end to the other relationship to be able to move ahead now. If he were a good friend, he'd understand too. Like many mentioned, delete his contact from your email and phone (especially). Block him if necessary. It might be hard, but you will have to be strong to protect what you have.

 

I wouldn't call you wrong. Or bad. Or whatever you are calling yourself.
You fell in love with this guy when you had fallen out of love with your h, and when there was a void in your life. Now that you and your h are back in love again, doesn't automatically negate/nullify the emotions you developed for the other guy, unless you have some switch or control to rollback.

But fortunately or unfortunately, we are humans and consider ourselves highest order of the life forms, and we have set rules for ourselves to live, love, with a single partner (in societies where polyamy is practised, its a fixed set of partners), mate with him/her and reproduce. Perhaps this is one definite feature that differentiates us from other animals.

I would say its good you haven't gone physical with the other guy, which means things are very much under your control. Therefore, in order to preserve the sanctity in your marriage (since you now love your h), as well as his marriage, you both guys can tell yourself to just stick to your respective partners. A tip to end the emotional relationship will be to reduce talking, seeing him. And spending more valued time with your h. Over the time, I think you'll be able to move on with the other guy.

 

Hi,

Many ladies have given valuable comments. I hope you will follow that.

I have to say one thing here. Before you talk to the other guy about cutting off the relationship, make sure you delete any mails/chats that has been exchanged and make sure there is no physical evidence for your relationship. May be, he will be a gentleman by not interfering you in the future or blackmailing you, but you never know. There are many people who are facing such scenarios....

So, just dont take it in wrong sense, I am putting across this point just to ensure you are not falling in any traps and this is not going to ruin your marriage.

 

You are thinking right Neha. You have to give it a chance to straighten out things with your husband.
If the other is not willing to let go, that would fuel more trouble. So handle it delicately. Talk to him and tell him what you say here. You owe it to your marriage and so does he to his wife. Let him down slow.
Your husband's past relationships would have been very hurtful to you, but this is like repeating it and you know what would be the outcome of it.

Talk to this guy and make him understand about what WILL work, for BOTH of you.
You can start with not meeting him or not talking to him as often. Fade him out slowly if you think he'll not react well. If it has taken as much time to build this, it will take time to cure it too.

But you've got to be strong all the way.

 

You have gotten a lot of good suggestions in this thread. Despite the negeative feelings that you have towards yourself, you have a good heart and this shows because you are able to analyze your feelings and know what's right from wrong. After reading all your posts I observed that your problem is not in deciding which of these two people to love because at the back of your mind you do realize and know that it is your husband that you ultimately love. Your problem seems to be in breaking off this 2nd relationship. You said that this relationship has been in existence for some years, so I know it will be one of the most troublesome of things for you to just cut this person out of your life especially since you both have feelings and attachment. Be cautious as Deepa and Tanoshi has suggested because sometimes the 2nd party does not take it nicely when you decide to break off a relationship. Deepa made a very important point, you do not want to leave any evidence for the 2nd relationship to destroy your marriage that you are trying to re-build. You would find it very difficult to cut him off from your life and if he does love you he too would make it difficult for you to walk away from him. You would have to make your emotions super strong for this. I would suggest that you don't accept phone calls from him. You would be surprised to know the effect hearing his voice can have on you, it can wreak havoc with your emotions and make you go right back to him. In the extreme maybe you can try Naksh's crazy advice about changing your password to keep it from yourself :bonk. Don't worry dear, it will take a long time to heal but you have a good head on your shoulder and you will make the right choices. When you feel like you're drowning :drowning come here and talk to us. None of us are perfect here but at least we keep each other in company and sharing our issues makes us stronger and more capable.

 

Most of them would disagree, but I'd suggest you also let your husband know of this. He too has a right to decide if he wants to continue this with you. Such a long emotional affair is blatant cheating IMO. I understand that certain circumstances led you into this but there are hardly any excuses for committing a wrong. If he loves you enough, he'll forgive you and maybe the two of you can start a new journey together.