Log in or Sign up

How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
Dismiss Notice

sex outside marriage

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by kknew4, Jan 20, 2012.

Page 6 of 9

Jan 26, 2012 #51

kknew4 New IL'ite

Messages:

16

Likes Received:

1

Trophy Points:

3

Gender:

Male

I do agree. But need to be more practicle. child is 7+ and understand only love and emotions. currently child doesn't understand what is good and who is right or wrong. I am thinking I will give some years while child understand and will try then. till then I will have only option to rely on child wishes - believe me I can try to get forcefully but it not just child but won't make me happy either and I will end up being a moral police.

tashidelek2002 said: ↑

I have not read the whole thread BUT

You are going to let your child be raised by a mother who is a liar and without morals? Shame on you. You have a responsibility to raise the child correctly and that doesn't mean that a person with XX chromosomes is the only person to do it.
Click to expand...

kknew4, Jan 26, 2012

kknew4, Jan 26, 2012

#51
Jan 26, 2012 #52

SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

Messages:

7,302

Likes Received:

957

Trophy Points:

270

Gender:

Female

indus2 said: ↑

At the risk of making this sound unreasonable, I think if I were you, I wouldnt have opted for divorce but got into an EMA myself, similar to the one she is having - still stay committed to the marriage, do everything for the home, kid and spouse but find your opportunities to have fun and shamelessly claim to your wife that you will keep doing this.

If you dont do this and also dont get divorced, your burden of sorrow will keep multiplying over time because it is unbearable to have a cheating wife when you have lived a completely faithful life with the expectation that sexual exclusivity is the be all and end all of marriage.
Click to expand...

in reality...even if eye for an eye may work temporarily...down the line it would haunt a person who has moral values...no matter how much a person gets carried away in revenge....the persons basic values wont change...and who has some set principles/values ends up feeling miserable after such temporary revenge.

If OP doesnt go for divorce...it would just eat him away mentally over time...some affect may be on the kid in terms of insecurities etc...therapist is needed very much in such cases..so that a person can be taught or made realise, how to stand up for themselves..or handle the situation..

SriVidya75, Jan 26, 2012

SriVidya75, Jan 26, 2012

#52

1 person likes this.
Jan 26, 2012 #53

Reflection123 New IL'ite

Messages:

328

Likes Received:

610

Trophy Points:

0

Gender:

Female

I hope ur evidences are strong enough for your conviction that she is definitely cheating on you. Because --what if you are wrong??
However, for the current situation... I will assume that you're right, and in that case --your wife is morally a low person with very little ethics. Living with such a lady is going to be very painful for any guy...and if she is truly so unethical, you should not live with her.

What kind of a mother is she in your opinion to your child? Do you think she will take good care of your child? If you have doubts about the kind of upbringing your child will get from her---you should fight for your child's custody and that's in your child's best interest. Keeping your child's best interest in mind is the duty of every parent. Your child will be upset separating from her--but if that's good for the child, please take the responsibility.

If you're insecure of the permanent outcomes of divorce...get a decree of legal separation from the family court.

Reflection123, Jan 26, 2012

Reflection123, Jan 26, 2012

#53
Jan 26, 2012 #54

kknew4 New IL'ite

Messages:

16

Likes Received:

1

Trophy Points:

3

Gender:

Male

OP doesnt go for divorce...it would just eat him away mentally over time...some affect may be on the kid in terms of insecurities etc...therapist is needed very much in such cases..so that a person can be taught or made realise, how to stand up for themselves..or handle the situation..
Click to expand...

I don't know if there are better therapist then the one I had... but after 15+ sessions, therapist said that evanatually it is you only who would need to make a decision. she said that ask with your heart (and not mind) to see if you can forgive and want to save marriage and think about kid. she also said that 'that' person has to be out of picture. So even I can try to ignore the physical part, having 'him' out of our lives is just no feasible. Also in forgive, the issue is that wife doesn't accept anything wrong so she is like she didn't do anything wrong so there is no Q for forgiveness and If I show her evidence then she wouldn't want to live after that (even I wouldn't).

Last edited: Jan 26, 2012

kknew4, Jan 26, 2012

kknew4, Jan 26, 2012

#54
Jan 26, 2012 #55

kknew4 New IL'ite

Messages:

16

Likes Received:

1

Trophy Points:

3

Gender:

Male

for child, she wants to be a great mother. Only issue is that probably she doesn't understand how it can be possible while she is living in this way. Also, she thinks that since no one is perfect, she might have made mistake but it is ok -even it is ethically wrong. She also want to keep reminding herself that I may be also doing something similar so that it is nothing wrong. I don't know if I mentioned before but she said that she knows what you would do if you are alone with a woman while she is not around.

Reflection123 said: ↑

I will assume that you're right, and in that case --your wife is morally a low person with very little ethics. Living with such a lady is going to be very painful for any guy...and if she is truly so unethical, you should not live with her.

What kind of a mother is she in your opinion to your child? Do you think she will take good care of your child? If you have doubts about the kind of upbringing your child will get from her---you should fight for your child's custody and that's in your child's best interest. Keeping your child's best interest in mind is the duty of every parent. Your child will be upset separating from her--but if that's good for the child, please take the responsibility.

If you're insecure of the permanent outcomes of divorce...get a decree of legal separation from the family court.
Click to expand...

kknew4, Jan 26, 2012

kknew4, Jan 26, 2012

#55
Jan 26, 2012 #56

indus2 Senior IL'ite

Messages:

61

Likes Received:

21

Trophy Points:

23

Gender:

Male

justanothergirl said: ↑

Can u please back that up ?Either quotations or verses from either the epics or the Upanishads which accept EMA as NOT Adharma.

EMA and polygamy(polyandry) are different.
Click to expand...

Where do you want to start ? Should we start at the very top ......at none other than Ved Vyasa, the writer of these scriptures ? Do you know how he was born ?

indus2, Jan 26, 2012

indus2, Jan 26, 2012

#56
Jan 26, 2012 #57

justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

3,915

Likes Received:

7,188

Trophy Points:

408

Gender:

Female

indus2 said: ↑

Where do you want to start ? Should we start at the very top ......at none other than Ved Vyasa, the writer of these scriptures ? Do you know how he was born ?
Click to expand...

As it happens I actually do . He was born to satyavati and sage Parashara.
Parashara was single and so was satyavati(unmarried daughter of a ferry man).
This is pre-marital sex for satyavati and Vyasa was a child born out of wed-lock.
EMA is different.
Next...

justanothergirl, Jan 26, 2012

justanothergirl, Jan 26, 2012

#57

3 people like this.
Jan 26, 2012 #58

bukbuk Silver IL'ite

Messages:

238

Likes Received:

138

Trophy Points:

93

Gender:

Female

justanothergirl said: ↑

As it happens I actually do . He was born to satyavati and sage Parashara.
Parashara was single and so was satyavati(unmarried daughter of a ferry man).
This is pre-marital sex for satyavati and Vyasa was a child born out of wed-lock.
EMA is different.
Next...
Click to expand...

This one to one debate on analysis of scriptures regarding EMA should be held in a separate thread, IMO. That will be a great way to showcase one's deep mythological knowledge to each other. It doesn't seem like OP or anyone else has acknowledged or for that matter even interested in digging into scriptures. How ved vyasa was born is clearly not OP's problem. His problem is much beyond that. In any case, to me this looks like hijacking this thread. And BTW, one should practise what they preach:coffee

bukbuk, Jan 26, 2012

bukbuk, Jan 26, 2012

#58
Jan 26, 2012 #59

justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

3,915

Likes Received:

7,188

Trophy Points:

408

Gender:

Female

The poster based his entire post on a false statement .....
That EMA /adultery is NOT Adharmic . I consider this misleading the OP.
No religion today condones Adultery .

When a post misleads the OP with incorrect facts or statistics I am justified in asking for a clarification.

And no I dont intend continuing 1-1 with the poster about scriptures.

justanothergirl, Jan 26, 2012

justanothergirl, Jan 26, 2012

#59

1 person likes this.
Jan 26, 2012 #60

fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

Messages:

1,602

Likes Received:

1,962

Trophy Points:

283

Gender:

Male

IMO, OP just wants to vent here. let him. He seems to be aware of all the possible ways to deal with the crisis.

fencesitter, Jan 26, 2012

fencesitter, Jan 26, 2012

#60

(You must log in or sign up to reply here.)

Page 6 of 9

Share This Page