divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in USA

RadiantCat · Jan 3, 2012

Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

It becomes easy to forgive ignorance and the healing process begins. You become your own therapist at this point.
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BTW, I suffer from selective amnesia. Amnesia isn't bad! Today, I have forgotten the bad, and the good too. All that is lingering in me is the fine feeling I had for someone and it still lingers in me.

vatsala719 · Jan 4, 2012

Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

It is perfectly alright to forget the bad with or without amnesia. How on this earth can you have amnesia about goodstuff that keeps you going with a glee-All the relationships and interactions produce positive and negative
effects and side-effects. This actually helps you to figure out how much or how intimate you want to relate to them. If it is a good perfume and you are not alergic to it go nearer. If it causes eyesores and nasal congestion, stay away. Simple rule of life.Here is a quote by RWE that I love:

“Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

polymorphic · Jan 8, 2012

Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

Dear Radiantcat,

My cousin after she had a baby (yes a son) when am i planning since she was younger than me by a month(on the the same day she delivered). Till then, she was so scared and very dependent but once she saw her healthy baby boy she felt she can question me. I just politely answered - "It is a personal decision." Which indicates I dont intend to copy her. I am sure she got the point.
At work, we had a divorcee friend which was never a factor for us whereas she sometimes would ridicule us to no end on our fashion sense, how short her friends are and so on. When ppl want to show off and hurt their friends feeling they will do it. Marital status has no role in it.

MrsYPatel · Jan 10, 2012

Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

SriVidya75,
"not everyone is capable of doing or feeling certain things....or understanding certain things....there might be certain things that you can do and I cannot....and may be vice versa..."
Is this for me or RC?

"I may not be experienced in every situation that people go through.....but there are certain things I think I know the whats n whys of.....and I surely will chip in where I think I can may be point that person to the thought that I may have....whether it helps or not is upto that person....take it or leave it."
Knowing the whats and whys of are not the same as experiencing the situation for yourself. I can explain how a child is born, but it doesn't mean I have any idea of what it is like to carry inside the child, give birth, or take care of / love the child daily...

newbeginning · Jan 10, 2012

Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

Hi Vatsala,
I agree with you on this. Living so far away from our own family, we do look up on desi ladies here for help and this is what we get. I am in the middle of the process and I have seen tons of such desi ladies who easily try to put the tag on me "oh she is going thru divorce and she left him..so I wonder what sort of arrogant lady she might be" or something. Worst part is that some of them even know the exact abuses I went thru and they said oh poor you, how are u putting up with it, I would have left him long time ago...and now the same ppl are indifferent and judge me and my child. I am fed up with being judged that now I hate to goto desi meets and get togethers. I avoid them totally....I tell myself if I had so much courage to leave my own 10yr old marriage and stand against abuse...then who the hell are these ladies who emotionally pull me down. They are not even worth to be in my life. I also feel that since they feel insecure in their own marriages and they dont have courage to stand up like me for whatever reason, they try to see my situation like "grapes are sour"
But I must admit that I have come across 1-2 good ones though....they have been with me thru thick and thin and I appreciate the fact I made friends with them...others are all like waste I see that in my life, this processs is like a sieve who is giving me some "good" friends to keep...rest all are just set aside...their loss not mine My question to you is, why do we only need desi friends to help....we need considerate "humans" thats all...so look out and reach for non hypocrites for help!
I see from your profile you live close to where I live in PA.

Takecare
-NB

vatsala719 · Jan 12, 2012

Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

Hello NB,
I live in Philly and I quite like this city life-everything closeby although the neighborhood had changed from mostly white to mostly Vietnamese -from residential to commercial. I have my very loving children and friends who visit me . Specifically a retired Math professor with a golden heart. A few more. Divorce is a passing phinomenon though painted with black and red in the beginning, soon it becomes more yellowish and pure white. The experiences mould us into mature, understanding and practical adults. The years, for me are blown away and I am a very contended and friendly person. I don't know where you live in PA, city or sub. City is full of life-lots of activities, theaters if you love entertainment.

newbeginning · Jan 12, 2012

Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

Hi Vatsala,

I live in the suburbs...around 30mins from center city and my area is FULL of such desi ladies
Yeah I do agree that this city is awesome...it has theaters and fun stuff but still not as crowded as big citis like NY. I have been venturing out lately...caught couple of shows with my child in the academy of music. All these years I was living like in jail...had not been to any of such things.....now i am beginning to find my true self...and I am glad I am on this path I am not repenting my divorce decision at all....I am proud of myself for standing up against abuses and so is my family. But only factor that bothers me is being away from my kid 50% of the time This man who never spent a single min with the child while living together all of a sudden wants 50% of her time....I know its all money thats speaking for him. But past few weeks, he has been good to the child...so lets see and hope for the best...
we should meet and catch up sometime

Takecare
NB

SriVidya75 · Jan 12, 2012

Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

MrsYPatel said: ↑

Knowing the whats and whys of are not the same as experiencing the situation for yourself. I can explain how a child is born, but it doesn't mean I have any idea of what it is like to carry inside the child, give birth, or take care of / love the child daily...
Click to expand...

I said some people are capable of feeling that and some not....not every situation matches that...and not everyone is capable of that...what I can do you cannot...and what you can do I may not!!! but when I talk about some things I said I know what I am talking. again you dont haev to agree with me...thats ok

vatsala719 · Jan 14, 2012

Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

Mrs. Patel,
I think it is the people's level of strength, their upbringing and the support that enables them to view the mistakes as smaller or bigger. Partly I agree with you. This is a forum for us to discuss and give our opinion without judging others . This is an "I am safe and you are also safe" field.
NB, I am recently retired and spend my time as I wish. I am basically in and out of the house. I have a friend in the neighborhood recently out of an abusive situation, cut off many of her old friends. But she is in touch with me because I know them all and counseled them from time to time. Working with kids gives me a better view of how the parents should behave when children are in the household whether they are together happy forever or divorced for any small or big reasons. Welcome.
Vatsala

abcdguy · Feb 11, 2012

Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

Divorces are fairly common in the United States and I have yet to see any Indian women treatered poorly because of it. Unlike the experience you have shared, I haven't seen anything that overt.