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Should in-laws sit in front seat or backseat of car?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Rihana, Jun 29, 2011.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    If in-laws from India are visiting the USA, should the woman give up her usual front passenger seat in the family minivan? If DH is driving, do the males among the visitors from India deserve to sit in the front passenger seat? Looks like this is normal practice in India, and they expect the same here. Happily go and sit in the front without so much as a "May I?"

    What would be the best way to deal with such a situation if DH knows it bugs you but cannot speak up to his folks? Speak up yourself? Put up with it for the duration of the visit? Take turns? When all are ready to go out, be a little nimble and reach the coveted seat first and sit down in it calmly? :biggrin2:

    Let's assume the young and old males among the visiting people have no health problems or other needs that make it necessary for them to sit in the front always. They are paavam only victims of their mental conditioning.
     
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  2. bramvi

    bramvi Silver IL'ite

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    It depends! If FIL wants to, why not let him sit with his son during their short trip from India. You are going to be sitting with hubby rest of the year right !
     
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  3. Jasminemarigold

    Jasminemarigold New IL'ite

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    Not sure what is the norm nowadays but we were brought up to seat in the back when there was a male member with us, regardless of whether it was a family relation or not. It was the expected thing and hard to change a habit of a lifetime.
     
  4. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    I'd let my mil or fil sit in the front seat with dh....I always did that in India too
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It is not limited to FIL. Even if a BIL is in the group, it is expected that he will naturally sit next to DH. If not, then a nephew who is old enough to sit there.

    In a way I also feel that let FIL sit with his son during their short trip. But, that is often only one of the many adjustments a woman makes when in-laws are visiting, so they can all pile up and become a bother.

    If the seating protocol was due to age, it might be easier to follow the protocol. If it is gender, then it is a different story.

    The visitors can at least ask the woman if she minds or once or twice insist that she sit in the front instead of casually going and always sitting there. When the kids are used to sitting in the middle seats, that leaves the very back seat, which is often difficult to get in and get out from and quite cramped for long distance travels.

    I am hoping to read some tactful way of dealing with it.
     
  6. pman16

    pman16 Platinum IL'ite

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    In India, i used to let my FIL sit with dh sometimes, but after moving to US, when my ils visited us and when i offered the much coveted seat to FIL, my kids protested and said ' that is mommy' seat when dad drives and vice versa'.....which saved me, so they had to sit behind. When men sit in front row, they do not bother abt whats happening back and that would leave me with my MIL with whom my journey, whether short or long, would be a pain.

    It might seem silly to some, but i dont believe in 'sacrificing' even that place to them. Hmm....personal preferences...cant help it...and i have no justifications for it. Simple.
     
  7. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    actually telling the BIL is more of a issue than telling FIL :) anyways did you try telling BIL that you would want to share the seating arrangement...i.e one way he can sit in front..and on the way back you will.....that way you get to sit next to your husband for sometime .....and just make a sweet funny face and wink :) if BIL is younger or if BIL is older....make it sound like a request!!! and smile...

    see no one will put down their foot and fight with you..but standing up and asking is the main act here....
     
  8. beerbal

    beerbal Silver IL'ite

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    My impression is that historically that seat was reserved for the "most untouchable guy" (by women folk!) in the crowd. And there is a pecking order for it :) It's usually male and adult :)

    So in any crowd, almost everyone knows who that is :)

    :my2cents
     
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  9. gujulady

    gujulady Bronze IL'ite

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    Very nice thread Rihaana.
    My fil is visiting us soon and I have already made clear to my DH that I will be sitting in the front seat when traveling as it's easy to guide, tell directions to DH while sitting front...
    Sitting backside and telling directions does not work......
     
  10. lathaviswa

    lathaviswa IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Rihana,

    She is right.You can try this.
     

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