leaving child at my parents

I too wanted to add my :my2cents many times in similar threads..
and finally here I go:

In my opinion,
parents are the best judges and I am sure each parent who had been put up with
the difficult decision to part with the child for whatsoever reasons,
might feel immeasurable pain, anguish and anxiety of the separation already.
I wish folks don't add more burden to their hearts by stressing their POVs over and over again.

 

Rose,
Doctor, Engineer, Dentist or Lawyer, Business-owner etc. Each profession has its own challenges and own tough aspects. Everyone thinks only their profession has challenges?

Every person, every profession (be it an engineer or a doctor/residency or a scientist or a business owner), every family has challenges and difficulties. Everyone has to make tradeoffs, hard decisions, tough compromises.

And accepting the responsibility of being a parent means - you are not just biological parents, but you are father and mother in the sense that it was meant to be.

Otherwise it becomes a case of wanting to have the cake and eat it too. Won't work. And while we accept that there are a few unavoidable situations where these things can be justified, many a times its about wanting to have the cake and eat it too.

Anyway, the OP is missing, so this thread is an abandoned thread.

 

yeah i guess she is expecting a yes, from everyone. But when everyone is not in favor of her decision she just vanished...

 

Rose, at every point of time we face challenges. Life is never perfect. Like you said, what if OP coudnt complete residency even after, say, 5 years? You want the baby to be with grand parents until 5?

If you think there is nothing wrong with it, then I guess we both are on completely different pages and I would refrain from saying anything.

Its a difficult decision to send the kid away; true. Its also difficult to keep the kid here while you are studying/working. When faced with equally challenging situations, why do we have to choose to send the kid away? See where I am coming from?

Anyway....at the end of day, people should choose what suits them the best I guess. But, kid will grow up and will ask questions. We shoud be prepared to answer at that time like, "Sorry dear, I was doing my residency. Thats why I sent you to grand parents until I finished". He/she is going to ask about priorities...we should be able to answer even that.

Edit: I agree with you on the part that we dont have to be down right rude.

 

Well I beg to differ.First of all I am not a doctor,but atleast I do know that they have to attend emergency calls and rush to hospitals.But thats not the case with engineers!!!Engineers might have to do some networking,migration or whatever, but you can do it at the comfort of your home on their laptops!

And anyway...i mentioned ALL the high end professions who have to study crazy.You can include all that come in this category,including lawyers(definitely),businesswomen (are they not flexible?),or any other.I never said my profession is the only challenging one.I know a relative of mine who is an accountant and her life is really challenging.She has sacrificed a lot and because of that she had to plan her kids pretty late.The result is that she regrets having to plan her kids so late in her stage.But given that...i dont think she would like to rewind her life and do anything different than what she is doing now.That's how people are meant to be.Some people get that strength from within...others need some guidance.

What I said was...and still mean is that have some consideration for people who have some confusion in their lives.Just because you are anonymous,it doesnt mean it gives you the right to hurt people!Oh i get it....its freedom of speech.but then what about the person at the receiving end?Yes,OP will not come back...because many here have hurt her in a way she should not have been.I completely agree with MStrue here.

@Rakhi...she may not be expecting a yes...but she certainly was not expecting people to say some things that she read.The same thing could have said in a different manner.

what if OP coudnt complete residency even after, say, 5 years? You want the baby to be with grand parents until 5?

Rakhi...did you read what I had written?I said that people in this confusion should either plan late or opt to pool up with other mothers or SAHM moms.I never said she can send her kid to her grandparents.

Makes me feel to put a poll and see how many women work for how many hours a day,how much support they get from their husbands and what they do with their kids.I have seen a few women here who really struggle with their schedules like tulipzz,one other member...i forget her name,but she stays with her inlaws and she is another i really admire...of course there may be many who balance both,whom I do not know...but my point is...those who do..do they talk like this?i mean in such a tone?If so,I take back my words.

Edit:This is not an abandoned thread...it is very much relevant because new members login and come to post such questions,while old members show their frustration on seeing such questions.I think all these threads have to be compiled in one thread and made sticky,for the benefit of new members.

 

Privileges come with responsibilities. Having a kid is a privilege, and it comes hand-in-hand with responsibility. If a person does not want responsibility or unable to handle that, then they need to think about having the privilege as well.

Disagree with you on the points, rose. I know that may not change your viewpoint, nevertheless need to register the disagreement here. And yes, I repeat all professions have its own type of difficulties, challenges, time constraints, travel responsibilities (even women engineers and consultants racking up airline miles and visiting clients and what not) and balancing life is tough for anyone - not just doctors or lawyers. Women and men in these other professions have to deal with it too.

 

And, truth is truth, rose. It will be stated as is, not everyone is going to be sugar-coating the truth when writing their posts.

In some cases, truth is bitter and it is stated for what it is to the OP.

 

You are missing my point spiderman.I explained OP's situation.It is not to say that doctors or lawyers are the only ones to struggle.As you mentioned...travelling and meeting with clients..all of this is difficult too.But...anyways,I do not want to continue this discussion.I am not in a position to explain her stance as I am not balancing both.The only point I would like to make now is studying for a competitive exam and taking care of kids is totally different from working and taking care of kids.Believe it or not.I am going crazy and forgot what I want to say...so I am ending my post here.

edit:for your second post,please refer to mstrue's post.she has written it perfectly.

 

Alright rose, let's leave it. Lets not break our heads - the OP is anyway missing in the thread.

 

It is not about the job, but just be board certified and qualify for a job, for international medical graduste, by the time boards, residency and felowship are completed usually they are in mid 30s, surgIical sub-specialities may take another 1-2 years extra. Once completed it is much eaiser to adjust, infact in ICU specialtities kids can be picked up from school at car pool without going to day care. I guess you are impling that women should not aspire become a CT surgeon or a neurosurgeon if they want to have children. By nature men can have children even if they are in late 30s or 40s but not women. WOULD YOU NOT SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTERS IN FUTURE?