1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Indian Family System

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by RadiantCat, Jul 3, 2010.

  1. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,724
    Likes Received:
    90
    Trophy Points:
    110
    Gender:
    Female
  2. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,137
    Likes Received:
    1,307
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    My experience living with in laws nd hubby's younger bratty sis has been terrible...but at that time i was newly married, immature nd naive...now i have understood that one shud not handle these relations with honesty but infact use a little tact! My fault was i was too blunt about my likes nd dislikes...now wen i think about those days i really feel i could have dealt several issues better than i did at that time...imo it is all about being a little smart!
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    17,880
    Likes Received:
    25,953
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    personally i think both systems have their pros and cons. i have grown up in a nuclear family, with close family ties with other relatives, who would visit us for brief spells and vice versa. as a child i often wished i could have grown up in a joint family. it would have been so much fun to have so many people around. as someone has said earlier in this thread, the one disadvantage is that such families tend to be rather patriarchal. so although it is nice for the children and the men, it is the women who have a tough time. coming from different backgrounds it is no cakewalk to adjust to so many different individuals.

    having said which, it again boils down to the kind of people in the family. it requires a tremendous amount of maturity on the part of all individuals concerned to ensure the smooth running of the household. but can one guarantee that? i really doubt it. i have heard of a joint family where everyone is very co-operative and everything runs smoothly. but then that is only one family. haven't known too many joint families (in the classical sense of the word - meaning parents-in-law, sons, daughters-in-law, their children, may be great grand parents). so it is really hard to say. if it worked it would be a really utopian situation.

    i just have a basic question. may sound dumb, bur i often wonder. i know many families where the parents, one son, dil and grandcchildren live together. but are there really joint families where more than two - three family units live under one roof? or do we just see that in tv serials?
     
  4. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,555
    Likes Received:
    102
    Trophy Points:
    130
    Gender:
    Male
    The former is very common.

    I have seen the latter too.
     
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,369
    Likes Received:
    365
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    The only one I can think of is my fil's family. When my fil was young, his house included.... his grandparents, his parents, the son's (including himself), the dil's, the unmarried sisters, and any children. I think I have heard him mention a few uncle's and their wive's living there too.

    When he married my mil the house pretty much turned upside down. She wanted out, so my fil was the first to leave the house. Shortly after that, some of his other brother's left the house too as well as the sister's when they got married, and that was the beginning of how my dh's side of the family adopted the nuclear family system. My side has been nuclear for a long time.

    It has been that way ever since. My fil in his later years built a three story house expecting his married daughter and her husband to come live with them, as well as their son (my dh) and his wife to live there all in the same house (like joint family system revival). But I don't think my sil's husband was too keen on the idea, and my dh didn't want to go back to living in a tiny village in Gujarat. So, the joint family idea with multi family units living in the same house fizzled out and my inlaws bought a single family home in a different city. I think I would go crazy living with mil AND fil AND sil AND her husband. OMG. :bonk
     
  6. priyanka12345

    priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    464
    Likes Received:
    160
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    I feel nuclear system is the best where one gets privacy, freedom to do what they want.
    Even though I live in joint family and keep convincing myself that I am fine, sometime or the other I start feeling what IF I was in nuclear family.
    But this society is purely caring for Men.Men want that wife's stay with my ILs to support them and take care of them. Even if ILs are in good health ,in this male dominated society the tradition follows that boy should take care of parents and the men believe they can only care when staying with them.
    Also staying is not just enough.. sometimes men think of how much quality time should be spent with parents:). so just staying 24hrs a day.. ( thank god 10 hrs go in office ) is not enough

    for my parents it seems my brother should take care of .so even though a wife would want to live in different home may be nearby, its against society and men's idea of taking care of parents.

    I just dont understand these tranditions and beliefs.
     
  7. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    17,880
    Likes Received:
    25,953
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    :):):)


    priyanka, that is very true. in a joint family, it will be next to impossible for the woman to have her parents visit for any period of time. major disadvantage.
     
  8. pramiprecious

    pramiprecious New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
  9. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,155
    Likes Received:
    1,461
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    It depends on every individual as how they adapt themselves in a joint family. Definetly it requires lots of adjustments and sacrifices when one has to live in a JF. I know a family of three brothers who live in JF all three have 2 kids each who are now in their teen's have cordial relationship and so are the brothers though regular small tiff's and arguments they are happy but when coming to the three Co-sis u won't believe if I say they are not in talking terms since very long time, it is a single kitchen and they taken turns in cooking which means when one lady cooks the other two ladies share other chores but won't help this lady even in cutting veggies, MIL is quite old and is out of this, the ladies just talk in mono syllables.. yes/No etc.so when talking is minimum there is absolutely no arguments but severe cold war.. I wonder is it really necessary to continue staying like this under one roof...they can comfortably split but still maintain a cordial relationship I dont know whom they want to please by staying under one roof, of course the family is financially sound.
     
  10. Annabela

    Annabela New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    test reply
     

Share This Page