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leaving child at my parents

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by saisai, Jan 15, 2011.

  1. saisai

    saisai New IL'ite

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    hi everyone ,
    Iwant to know your opnions and suggestions about leaving my child at my parents in india.
    i think this is the common situation most of the women from us would do .I am doctor from india preparing for exams i had done with half ofmy exams still i ahve to continue my education and career so i thought of leaving my child care to my mom for a while till i got into one of the school here .
    but i am not sure how it gonna be , i have seen many people facing problems,there is spoil of relation between prents and husband ,difficult to stay after sending to india and lot lots of situationds i come across people around me .
    my husband is such a kind of person ,he likes kids a lot ,he just can't bare if anything happens to unusal ,
    please need your suggestions how can i prepare myself ,my parents and my husband to face this situation .:)
     
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  2. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,
    it is a very difficult situation. Can't you bring your family here to take care of the child? I did leave my child wiht my in law 33 years back for a year. They treated him like a Prince. No complaints no problems. Now he feels that I left him for my selfish reason.

    Secondly you will miss the chid so much. It is a lot of responsibilities for your parents too. Thin about it before you make your final decision.

    good luck
     
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Here we go.... another thread about an NRI mom dumping her child back in India to live with the grandparents. :idontgetit:

    I have nothing else to say on this topic. If you would like to read my past scathing replies to women like you asking this same question, you are free to search through my profile's posts section. It's been discussed MANY times before.

    speak for yourself. this 'woman from us' would never consider shipping off her kid like a fedex parcel.
     
    sindmani, Dancer, heron and 1 other person like this.
  4. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Your parents have finished raising their kid. That is you. Now it is your turn to raise your kid. It is not their responsibility to take care of your child.

    Hire some help if you cannot manage your studies and your kid. But no way is it a good idea to send the kid to India. If something happens, your DH will never quit complaining.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  5. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    So nice and convenient ! Have a kid , drop the baby at Moms and live your own life !
    You are having best of both the worlds !
    Well your H cannot question your parents if the kid sneezes , if he is that finicky then keep the child with you and enjoy all the child rearing . You and H have to trust your parents 100% with your kid.
    I feel that you are seeking validation for your decision , the deed is done and you will not be going back on your decision anyway.
    Amen.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  6. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    :bonk I'm tired of these types of threads. Someone stop me before I go totally nuts!

    Irresponsible people should not have babies (and thats exactly what these type of threads represent). The grandparents have already done the parenting job, Now it is time for you folks to do the parenting.

    And the time to parent is NOW - not 2 years from now or 3 years from now, it begins right now!!

    Giving birth to a baby only makes you a biological parent - you become Mom and Dad only if you responsibly parent your kid - not outsource parenting to offshore countries or cities.

    BAD IDEA - do not do this. This will create all sorts of problems. It is your duty to parent, and if you had "other conflicting things" you just should not be having the baby. Now that you have the baby, this is the first priority!!!:bonk:bonk
     
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  7. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    This thread had a good ending where the poster realized the priorities. Please read - you may either benefit from a change of heart, or just go with your plans no matter what anyone else says.

    And, No -not many families do this shipping off outsourcing. Only few do, and except in some cases where there are real serious reasons to do so, the rest are trying to "have the cake and eat it too", and those are irresponsible prioritizations.

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/120658-me-or-my-family.html
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2011
  8. nishatw

    nishatw Senior IL'ite

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    hi saisai, i am an example for a child brought up by grandparents till the age of 4. I was with my maternal grandparents and relatives since my parents were working in two different places. my mother and i share a hate relationship even today. she's not at all close to me and thinks of me as the reason for all her miseries. she had left me with my grandparents when i was just 9 months old and now blames my grandmother's brother for mentioning that they only took care of me till the age of 4. how she can blame them even if he uses sentences like "we took care of her daughter till the age of 4 but she doesnt have any gratitude towards us" etc. Also, my mother used to abuse me verbally saying i am spoilt by them when i was just 5 or 6 yrs old. we never became friends or close to each other like a mother and daughter till date.
    now u decide after reading all the posts given by ilites here. none supports ur decision since ur parents also need a retirement life and enjoy the free time they get. A child is a big responsibility and requires lot of energy and hardwork to be taken care of. Also, if u were not in a position to take care of ur kid why did u have one?
     
  9. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    When so many IL-ites are stating this, there is a good reason for saying so, hopefully saisai can take a good decision like the previous thread OP.
     
  10. cutesmile09

    cutesmile09 Silver IL'ite

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    Its very sad to read ur post,I think u already made a decision to ship off ur kid to India even before the baby was born:bonk,how old is the baby now? pls review ur decision,it may cost alot for ur later on,not to scare u but let me tell u story of my cousin(my uncle's daughter) in India who was raised by her grandma(my maternal grandma) as both my aunt and uncle were very busy in their careers:bonkand left the 3mths old kid under the care of my grandma at our native place,she really took care of her nicely,my cousin used to address her grandma as "amma" and her mom as "mummy",u knw wht when my uncle tried to take her to their place when she turned 4yr to join her in school,she refused to come with them&when they persauded her, she agreed on one condition tht her amma(grandma) shd stay with her,my grandma joined her at my uncle's place and their bonding grew up strong like fevicol,she used to share all the things with my grandma only,she always considered her parents as her "Financial Sponsors":rant,trust me,when she has to join hostel for engineering college,she asked her parents innocently " will they let amma to stay with me there?",my cousin is 18yrs old now she couldn't love her parents unconditionally bcoz she thinks her parents r selfish and moneyminded individuals AND SHE ARGUES THT HER PARENTS NEVER CARED FOR HER AND NEVER TRIED TO BOND WITH HER,SHE FEELS THT SHE HAS RESPONSIBILITY TOWARDS HER GRANDMA ONLY,she says tht she will just send money to them when they need her support tht's it,will not support them either phsyically or emotionally,we all try to explain her but all in vein,she is very adamant in her decision...

    saisai pls proud to be a mom and TAKE CARE OF UR KID WHEN SHE NEEDS U BUT NOT WHEN U HAVE FREE TIME,pls take a wise decision:thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2011

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