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What made you say YES??? - Of Arranged Marriages!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Priya_Mommy, Aug 19, 2010.

  1. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Hello IL's,

    Brought to mind a question for those who have had arranged marriages – What made you say yes? Did you and your spouse see something in each other? Or, was it a case of saw nothing to object?
    Ask your spouse by mail or Phone. Does your reply match that of your spouse?
    For those who have had a love marriage or believe more in it- please remember, point of thread is not to prove one marriage as a superior choice to another.

    Mine was an arranged marriage to a close relative. It was my parents choice to get me married to my DH. That time, nobody asked for my Yes/No and honestly speaking I have nothing to object and simply accepted by default!!!
    So, the question is, did you and your spouse, see something in each other that made you say YES, or just saw nothing to justify a NO?
     
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  2. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    My parents were searching for a groom for me from the month of june...
    i saw maybe 2 which did not get materialised..
    the 1st one,both of us knew that our expectations out of life is different.The second one was strange..both of us liked each other,the next day the mother came too, specially to see me..finally they disappeared. They went back and gave a mail to wait for a month since the mother had visa issues..we waited for a month since I was interested.But no reply.I was very angry and mailed the father asking what the matter was. Then the father approached my father saying they want to go ahead.
    So then I realised it was not my fault and then rejected him:thumbsup

    Then We also went to an astrologer who said my marriage would get finalised in november.It was already the end of october!!Then We got this rishta from a boy..i wanted to know his nature and we started exchanging mails..after abt 3-4 mails..i was still unsure(as he was a bit reserved just like me).I spoke to my frnd and my frnd told me that it wont be nice to keep talking and not decide.So finally made my decision in november.(by then we saw the father who is a perfect gentleman...can u believe he plays with remote control cars even today!!Born on november 15th..he's a true child at heart)

    I liked the family and went ahead.Today I can say..he's the one destined for me:thumbsup
     
  3. arbit

    arbit Bronze IL'ite

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    This is something even I am trying to understand, so I will keep a close watch on this thread.
     
  4. SujathaR

    SujathaR Gold IL'ite

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    Actually I was expecting more replies for this thread :)

    thought of knowing more :rant
     
  5. lathaviswa

    lathaviswa IL Hall of Fame

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    Its an arranged marriage for me.He is not my relation. Everyone liked him so i thought it would be a best choice ofcourse it is.
     
  6. mvs

    mvs New IL'ite

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    well mine is a arranged marriage, i met him on 31st dec and we got married in june....on 31st dec when i was going to meet him i was kind of nervous....though i speak too much but with strangers i completely shut my mouth.....then i saw him n thought ok he looks gud but little studeus kind of and i m completely different from him quite bubbly....then hi hello happened i v talked for 4 hrs...........continuous for 4 hrs ..........my god time was flowing and i was so comfortable talking with him .......then i reached home just thinking abt him only....then at same day my in-laws called my parents n everything got fixed.....i think i started falling in love with him that day and still falling..:yes:
     
  7. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Priya,

    Interesting Question!:)

    I am very very old fashioned in my thinking. So I left it all upto my dad to decide. He gave me the liberty to say YES or NO to the grooms he shortlisted. But I had this blind belief that whoever my dad picks is going to be God's choice and he will be my Mr.Right (whomsoever it is). :bonkSo I decided NOT to say NO to any alliance that would materialise. My dad was very picky though and he played my role instead!! All I did was draw Lord Ganesa pictures and pray for the welfare of my future groom, seriously!

    I was one nut case, Priya!! My hostelites would say, "Nee wierd-pa" (You are wierd-pa) (Hey that's exactly what my DH says now!!! :hide:)
    Frankly I would have said YES to anyone that my dad pointed his fingers at.:hide:

    I know! I was foolish enough to leave my life to destiny.
    Well.. atleast I am lucky enough to get it right though.. :)

    If you ask me whether I would do it the same way now, my answer would be a plain NO. Looking at the real world, the many miseries and the pitfalls man/woman fall into in the name of marriage, incompatibility, infidelity,.. I would be more watchful in choosing my life partner. I think I just got lucky by chance! or may be God really felt bad at his naive child and had mercy on me?! :biglaugh
     
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  8. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    And this is how the final decision shaped up.
     
  9. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Very interesting thing I noted is that though you and Malvi have some very different approaches, in that thread she has mentioned - "As long as you have decided to do arranged marriage, dont waste time asking questions, roll-the-dice, take your chances and be done with it" -not a verbatim quote - (post#11)

    Which is pretty much what you did.

    Fundamentals are strong I say :thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2010
  10. DevikaS

    DevikaS Senior IL'ite

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    Mine was arranged marriage 2 and half years ago.. I was 22 DH was 28..

    I had left all the searching for a husband up to my dad. & only after He & mom & rest of family approved & met with the guy & loved him was I introduced to him.. (they didnt want to expose me to too many guys)

    SO .. my parents & grandparents, met DH & His parents for tea at their house. they talked and liked him.. then they told me to get ready to meet DH for dinner ..

    At the dinner in big fancy hotel there were SO many people, parents, grandparents, elders from both sides (20 pple or so).. His elders asked me some questions.. then DH asked my dad's permission to talk to me alone.. so we went to lounge/cafe area of hotel.. & we talked & talked for 2-3 hours.. we really clicked well.. talked about everything life expectations / goals / past ...

    In the back of my mind i had a feeling that he was THE ONE..

    Dh asked to meet me again next day alone (for lunch 4hours)
    & then we met again.. he came to my home town 1 week later to take me out for lunch alone (spent 5 hours) -- my parents told him it will be last time of such casual meeting, time to make desision ..
    when he reached his home he told his parents YES..
    my parents gave me one day to make my decision.. i said YES the next morning..

    & we got engaged 2 days later & married 2 months later.. :thumbsup
     

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