Dejected In Life

priya24 · Sep 18, 2007

Dear Shylu,

I agree with what the other members have said .. take care of your health first! Have you got a second opinion from another doctor? It is better to do that before going ahead with any invasive procedure. If surgery is necessary, don't shy away from it. You have wonderful supportive parents to take care of you. And as Shanthi says, we are all here to give you the emotional support :thumbsup

Please just ignore your MIL's words .. it is a pity that inspite of her age and experience she has not learnt the importance of love and compassion.

regards,
Priya.

shyluramesh · Sep 18, 2007

Thanks a lot shanthi
I really appreciate the way you have tackeled your problem with no people to help you around, and got back to work immedialtely after the operation, hats of SHANVY
I liked the way how u have positive approach in your life that too when her husband is so far off.
Yes I will undergo my operation next month during my sons dushara vacation and the date is also been fixed. I must say you have brought so much of energy into me. THANKS A TON
Shylu

Shanvy · Sep 18, 2007

shyluramesh said: ↑

Thanks a lot shanvy!
I really appreciate the way you have tackeled your problem with no people to help you around, and got back to work immedialtely after the operation, hats of SHANVY
I liked the way how u have positive approach in your life that too when her husband is so far off.
Yes I will undergo my operation next month during my sons dushara vacation and the date is also been fixed. I must say you have brought so much of energy into me. THANKS A TON
Shylu
Click to expand...

Shlyu,
You are welcome...i am happy if i have brought that change in you....will definitely pray for success in your operation and then life...

Positive attitude is life.....
All the best. do mention the date..will definitely pray for you and also include you in the prayers of all il's..:2thumbsup:

subbutr · Sep 18, 2007

Dear shylu ramesh,

Thanks for considering our requests and a little bit of advises.
Glad to know that you have fixed the date of operations and wish you a speedy recovery and back to normalcy with our prayers to Lord.

May your life be blessed with all joy, peace and prosperity in the days to come.

Cheerup young lady, God is always with his disciples...You have a long way to reach and you will succeed...

That's all our Indus family of friends wish too...

Subbu

rajmiarun · Sep 18, 2007

Stop Worrying and start living is all I can tell you. Dont feel sorry for yourself. You are well educated and you are a mother of two kids. If needed take the right decision at the right time. Dont worry 30 is not so old to get a job. Especially in today's trend lots of people like you are needed and if you approach the right kind of people you will get all the support you need.

I pray to God to give you all the strength you need.

shyluramesh · Sep 18, 2007

Dear kamla,
I have been thinking about divorce at times only when I am very much depressed, and definetly I know the after impacts once If Iam single, and I know I dont have the courage to be a single parent. Actualy I am sure to undergo the operation next month and even my doc has fixed the date and assured me a normal life even after removal of uterus as she said that my ovaries will remain intact.
But this is only a secondary problem to me now, my actual and foremost problem is the attitude of my husband and inlaws, my husband being their only son doesnt even know what sharing means, he always keeps to himself and so or my inlaws, infact the communication between them is also too little, sometimes to the point, they keep to themselves. I have tried my best to bring changes in them, atleast to my husband I keep chatting to him about general things or about my family and friends but it always ends up in only one way talking since I dont get any response from him, even if I try to discuss anything about the kids too wont impress him, nor is he interested in outing or movies, weekends means its a boring thing for me and I really dread it now. And my MIL is always moody she is upset with everything that comes her way, even with my 2 year daughter , I have never seen her cuddling my children expect that she will grumbling at them for even silly things. As I told these people have no touch even with their close relatives so absolutely no social circles. Infact they are not even friendly with the neighbours who have been their neighbours for the past 25-28 years, we are not invited to any functions that takes place in our locality. Only I tried making friends in the neighbour hood and this was not approved even by my husband as he always says his family has maintained a distance from the neighbours and I should follow suit, as they dont like any one to poke their nose into their family. My only source of happiness are my kids and my mobile with whom I talk to my family and some close friends.

imemyself · Sep 18, 2007

Dear Shylu,
First let me second what others have mentioned...Health is wealth....And I am happy to see tht your operation date has been fixed and my prayers are there with u...do not worry abt that!

Coming to ur personal life......I do understand the turmoil ur going through...!
Once ur operation is done.....try talking to ur hubby abt the issues ur facing and as Kamala mentioned it wld be good to write a letter to him...but do remember never to mention anything abt ur inlaws ...cause it might hurt him and the sole purpose of writing the letter might go topsy-turvy...
So...be very sensitive in ur writing and try to make him aware that he shld change atleast for the sake of the kids...!
If nothing is working out and if he still insensitive....then first find a job and then think of putting all ur emotional outbursts to ur hubby and then to ur inlaws and if they r still not even bothered then...pls move out...!

Y i am telling this is...this life is just once to live and u have 2 beautiful kids to shower ur love and they shld not grow up in an environment like this...Kids shld know the love and pampering of their grandparents...and the tender young age is the apt time for that....! Atleast if u move out now...ur parents might b there for the kids,they will get the love of grandparents from them atleast...!
They shld not follow ur inlaws and ur hubby's nature...they shld grow in an environment where love is shared and understood and given....only then they will learn it...!
And abt the society...pls....ur living for ur self.....the society will understand...!!!
But whatever decision ur taking...get all the pros and cons verified and then take the step...with God by ur side...!
The life ur parents gave u..shld not be wasted because of a family who are totally ignorant abt relations and love...!

Be bold and live for those who care for u and stop worrying abt ppl who dont care for u...!

Will surely pray for u....
Love,
Jaya

diana · Sep 19, 2007

Hi shylu,

Sorry to hear your pain. You really are a courageous person.

Also sorry to read about your people. Looks like ur inlaws are living in an isolated island. Ask them that when they will die, will they walk to the funeral pyre? Atleast you need 4 people to carry a dead body to the crematorium.

It is always said that our neighbours is our first relatives, because they are the ones who reach to you first and foremost in time of need and your inlaws have made enemity with neighbours as well as with relatives. This shows how good people they are.

To tell you the truth our society is a bitch. Being born a woman in our society is a sin. Cos our society accepts woman who are in trouble to suffer and commit suicide or even killed by inlaws, but will open a big mouth and shower their bad languages if a woman who is in trouble walk out of that marriage (divorce) and start life anew.

Not only that her own family, where she was born, will never stand for her and say, 'you are in trouble, being tortured by inlaws, you do everything for them and yet they trouble you, move out we are there with you' but will ask her to continue living in the hell expecting someday some miracle will happen.

We have one life y not live it as per out terms. Today woman are given education and are shown their equality to men. We have lot of respect in the outside world, at our work place, but we lack the same importance with our husband and inlaws. This is really bad.

Really our society is not worth living in. That's all i have to say.

Diana

cakedecorater · Sep 19, 2007

Hi Shylu,

Its good that u decided to do the surgery, coz if u have health than u have everything. I have also undergone this surgery about a year back.

I think if u r in good health u will be able to take care of your children. Women I feel should always try to be independent, so that they dont have to rely on their husbands for everything. U should take up job when u get better, & I think being independent on your own feet will definately build up your confidence, will keep u busy, n maybe even change the situation with your inlaws & husband.

Keep smiling

Judith

geeta79 · Sep 26, 2007

Dear Shylaja,

Dont give up on life so easily..........reading all the suggestions given by our experienced IL;ites i dont need to say much..........but just that have courage......... be strong............ take care of ur health first becoz u have to look after ur children.............. dont take the things told by ur MIL to ur heart or mind (as this may only cause more stress and nothing else)............. keep ur two ears open, one for hearing only the useful things and the other to remove the unwanted things............ dont take the major step of divorce........... try to convince ur husband about the things that u r going through........I know its easier said than done..........

Im happy that u have changed a lot from ur first msg in ur thread wen u discussd ur problem and asked for help to ur msg where u sounded much more confident...... having planned to do the operation........ im sure everything will be fine.......... my good wishes......... best of luck......... im sure u;ll see a lot of happiness, love, affection, warmth, very soon in ur life..........

And above all "Believe in God"....... I believe that "Whatever happens, happens for the best"........ im sure something good will surely come out of this situation......... We all are praying for u Shylaja............

God Bless "YOU"..........