Indian Family System

Hey hey hey I wrote about my bitterness :bonk.. am all :bowdownwith yours and CWs straightforwardness....
well best of best was an example with True cos she's making her best efforts to put in +ve energy which we 3 seem to be failing at :crazy.. you need to have it to give away rt... if you're loosing it on a daily relationship then your conserved resources are fast depleting.

Hey dont talk like devads.... pitaji bole relationship forum chhod do.. bhaabhi boli... paro boli :rotfl:rotfl:rotflstick on... only mods can give us warning, pained will speak of pain like me (me as in present) and happy souls about happines (me from past)..........

Ok since we dint have this thread closed.. CW can you pls poke ur friend and get to know HIS reasons to stick into the same house with warring ladies....

 

Shilpama,
Thanks for your support.Canwait support too means a lot too.I din't want to appreaciate at every opportunity because I want my appreciations to be heart-felt. I said my last post was the last one but got tempted to reply to clarify.
I donot feel I exhibit bitterness in this thread on the topic.I thought my views were delivered postively.I positively supported NF atleast in my mind.My only post on my "grandma" sounded bitter becasue I was curious to know how others view it.

This is how I see positiveness - to me its not "look at me me me Iam the sunshine"
rather I would remain calm and content in my mind so It reflects subtly in my daily life like a breeze to people around me.l
Writing a hard reality in a hilarious way is an exteremly positive outlook and I admired your replys and had a good laugh

Iam personally affected with and I disagree with the postive person posts in the relationship forum.I sound bitter because Iam desperate to find support to try be "break the BUBBLE" but bitterness against a poster is not right so I move away seeing the humungus support the positive person has in the forum as I cannot compete with that.

 

So last night I was thinking...

In Indian marriages, they say it is a JOINING of TWO families. Our culture also says we have 'family values' and 'respect for elders'. So, if you think about it, shouldn't a true JOINT family include the bride, groom, the bride's parents, the groom's parents, and unmarried siblings of both sides?

If marriage joins two families, and the joint family is all about the togetherness of the entire family... how come it isn't normal for the entire family to actually live together? It is actually just 1/2 the family (the guy's side + the bride) living together.

Just wondering....

 

asg - that was funny!! and true as well. If you think rationally none of our traditions make any sense. it benefits some and not others.

What really gets me sometimes is, there are really some good in-laws out there who are caring and loving towards their DIL's. they actually care about them. when i met my hubbys mother I immediately got the feeling that she would be the controlling MIL. So I just assumed that all his family may be like that. But I was very surprised when I met his aunt. Nice person - she was very friendly and very respectful to me. This aunt was his moms sister. They were just very nice folks and she treated her DIL with so much respect. Wish I could have traded mine for hers! So if you go into that kind of family maybe JF wouldnt be bad but I still like my privacy so my stand is until and unless they cannot take care of themselves they stay separate.

Sometimes our parents just want to show who the boss is! I think thats the root cause!

 

Canwait, Wow this thread has digressed from your innocent original question to a full blown discussion on NF vs JF. It was all amusing to read. But then, I guess no one knows the answer to the original question: why do so many men still prefer to live in a joint family set up? Even I don't know but then I read that our closest living ancestor, the chimpanzee is patrilocal:i.e., the male chimp continues to live in the group he was born in and the females leave the group and settle in other groups nearby. So is this preference is just a vestige of prehistoric behaviour? I wonder? :rotfl

Methinks my horns and trident are long in need of a polish! Hehe! :twisted:

 

Well CW

To answer your original question, I guess the only explanation I could come up with is the nature of our society itself!

I guess many of us, if not all, at a sub-conscious level, still believe in the traditional gender-defined roles of the man being the provider and the woman, the nurturer. So it has always been that the woman and the man get married, and the woman goes and joins the man's existing family.

So things still have not changed for the man, he is still expected to play the role of the provider, while the woman's traditional role has changed. She is no longer just the nurturer but also at many times dons the role of the provider and all other such roles that were traditionally meant for the man. That's probably what has caused the man to still stick to the original practice of staying with the family and providing for them while the woman, with her new role is also trying to gain the same footage as the man in running a family and some men and their families find it confusing, because for them, nothing has really changed!

As to why they do not want to move out, I guess with time such a change will also occur. I think right now, many families are still struggling to understand the change and incorporate it in their lives. We do see that while having many kids and living in JFs were the norm those days, it has changed now to people preferring smaller families! So just like people have been able to break out of that norm and change, may be this will too, with time.

 

Here is a debate!

I always wonder and have a doubt , that is


living in joint family increases the fight between the couples ?

or

living as a seperate family increases the fight between the couples?.


Here there is a free space to share ur own thoughts?

 

Re: Here is a debate!

Gooood topic to debate

according to me i perfer living seperately , like

living in joint family increases the fight between the couples ?

when the couple gets fight , they will show more EGO as everyone is living with them and always tries to show the other partner is wrong , smartly act ,from rest ppl mouth they will pull out they r right and other partner is wrong . there is less understanding and always needs someone to solve their problem .



living as a seperate family increases the fight between the couples?.

even though they fight but they r forced to be alone in home , by seeing each other face they will get compromise and about the fight none will come to know. they get good time to know each other coz whn a person is alone with u , only u can judige them.


wat about your opinion ???

 

Re: Here is a debate!

good point, thanks for the first reply.

And my opinion will be after seeing much of the ladies opinion.

thank you very much.