I really don't know:(

I really don't know how to start... I just want to vent out all my frustrations... It could be due to my hormonal imbalance... Could be the fault of my self, fault of my husband or our incompatibilities.... But I am so down now... I have no other means than this forum to talk out my mind...

Friends.. Please bear with me...

I am 10 weeks pregnant now... As you all know, these first trimester issues and morning sickness are just tooooo much for me to handle. This is my first pregnancy and I am just new to this independant married life (we live in our own house now).

I just can't handle all the house hold chores, cooking, cleaning and taking care of my DH, while I am down with these sickness throughout the day. I feel so weak and couldn't wake up in the mornings sometimes.

First, I have been so pampered by my parents throughout my life... I have never done all such house hold chores (without a servant) before...
Second, I am so weak now a days... As you know I had spend nearly 1.5 yrs in a very difficult enviromrnt (i.e Darfur/Sudan) for work with lots of hardships... Which includes lack of nutritional foods, health care and all. This definitely affected my body(health) to a great extend.
Third, my current pregnancy issues.... I am totally down with nausea and vomit

Due to all these, I felt I can't handle my home alone... So I asked my DH to take care of his own meals (at his parents home for a while, as they live close by) and I shall eat at my parents home (they too live in the same area). Both parents happily agreed to this idea as they are so happy about this first pregnancy and ready to help.

I somehow managed my nausea with my favourite food and freedom at my momma's home.. Where as I didn't have to worry about cooking and cleaning as my DH ate at his parent's home.

After his work time, he picked me up from my momma's home and we eat out (i don't eat) our dinner and sleep in our own home - This has been the arrangement for now.

This arrangement helps me a lot with my pregnancy issues... But on the other hand, I miss my DH a lot.
He comes home late in the night after finishing his dinner, then goes to bed withot even inquiring about my health. I used to vomit throughout the night, but he rarely notices it.

In the mornings, I suffer too much to wake up at 5 am and prepare his tea and other morning stuff... But he doesn't notices anything dispite my open talks.

In weekends also, he drops me at my momma's home purposely and never comes to visit me during day time. He just doesn't care about me I guess.

Recently we are having some oral fights... Arguments over petty issues.. Its like.. I forgot to send his application by mail, I washed his new dress together with an old one, so the new one got spoiled... My chapatti was so rough and my curry was not tasty the other day... All were petty issues, and I had valid reasons to justify my mistakes as he was at fault in many places, that made me spoil his works (the application issue and dress washing matter). He never allowed me to say any reasons... He just started a fight for each and scold me like anything.

He says I am useless... He never enjoyed any marriage life happiness with me... He would have been much happier if he hadn't married to me... He wants to live separately at the other room with his stuff... He even asked me to stay at my momma's home until delivary...

One night, he packed his bags and wanted to go and sleep at his parent's home by leaving me alone in our home.

Today, I washed his costly red colour T shirt together with my brown Salwar. I didn't know the cost of that T shirt, and he kept it at the washing bin just like a normal dress. He even used to wear that costly dress at nights when he relaxes alone.. So, I thought it is just a normal one and didn't give any priority to that T shirt.

When we dried it up, I noticed that the T shirt got spoiled a little with some brown spots in its hands (obviously from my shalwar) and it didn't go Its an old one too... so, i beg his pardon and asked him to buy a new one if he feels so bad about it.

He got angry... When I hold his hand calmly, he just ignored me roughly and said he will leave me soon. This is his repeated word of threatening since marriage for whatever the matter. I felt so angry too, so I asked him not to threaten like this for such petty issues always.. and if he repeats so, I will also do the same for him.

For this word, he got angry... started his bike and went somewhere... I tried to reach him but he doesn't respond to his calls. He is not at his parents home either.

Its luch time... I really don't know whether to go to my momma's home or stay alone here (and starving all day) till he comes home.

I am so confused and can't take this rubbish all the time...

What to do? Any useful tips please????

 

Thanks RG and Priya for your kind words.

I feel so bad today and tears roll down from my eyes since morning... Its been 1 hr since he left home.. I have been trying to call him since then. He doesn't even want to know why.... How can he ignore a pregnant woman when she is really sick and alone... Be it whatever the angry, he should have some empathy over me as I am bearing his kid and hence all these issues.

He has been nice all the time... He buys me food, take cares of me like a kid when he is cool and happy. There is no doubt about his love.

But he has been taught that pregnancy is not a deseace and hence his wife shouldn't behave so.
His mom, cousins and non of his relatives had nausea or any sickness during pregnancy. Its all strange for them to hear that I am suffering this much.

Specially his mom and cousin keeps on saying that I have been pampered so much, hence I don't know how to handle this.

That's not the truth... My mom had severe nausea and it went upto her 9th month. She had to admit in the hospital for sometimes to get over this sickness... and I think I got this from her... But my ILs and now my DH thinks I am acting... pretending to be weak to get their helps... Which irritates me.

I even thought of starting my cooking despite of my sickness...

With all these anger, I sometimes feel like comitting to suicide and write a note in a paper mentioning that my DH is the sole reason for this. I just want to give him an unforgettable punishment for being so harsh with me, specially during my most weakest time.