Bathroom Musings

Bathroom Musings
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Yesterday having got bored of watching the same silly news of the 123 Nuclear Agreement,and the same clips of Brinda Karat,with the big silly Bindi on her forehead,I just closed the TV,and flipped thru some magazines to kill time.And i see so many Bathroom Tiles Advtertisments,and of Sanitary Ware.


The Bathrooms shown were huge,bigger than the drawing rooms of the newly constructed Flats in Metropolitan Cities.Dont the Advertisers realize that Flat owners get bathrooms readymade from the Builder ?The flat owner has no choice in this matter.Maybe they are targetting those who are making their own Bunglows.But with the land prices at their highest ever peak,people who could afford a 1000 meter plot, with half of it as lawns, today make do with 200 or 300 meter plot,with a common wall with their neighbours,and a non existant lawns.From where will they construct huge bathrooms to fit in all the accessories that the advertisers are advertising ?



Today's Bathrooms can be used by one person at time.Because the Bathroom has in it Wash Basin,Comode,and the Shower Taps.This is very impractical, with smaller houses,and bigger number of people staying in it,and God forbid if you have a few guests around,it can be castrophic.Everyone wants to leave at the same time,for their work and Schools,and it is very difficult to hold back when nature calls you.The more you hold nature,while waiting your turn, the bigger the blast when yr turn comes,and bigger the relief,I suppose.



In my home here, We are 3, and we have 6 bathrooms,so fortunately I do not have to face this situation.I can come and go to the loo as I Wish,but in Mumbai, when i visit my Mother and brothers,I have to wait my turn,what with the maid also occupying the Bathroom,and I have a hard time holding back to the Nuclear Bomb, that will be unleashed in all its fury in a short while.For this Bomb I dont need the Fuel from America,and neither the Left can blackmail me.



I remember the Sixties,when we were in rented flats.Just one bathroom used to suffice for 10 of us.Because the Wash Basin,ws just outside the Bathroom, and the toilet and the bath areas were two seperate entities.And it was very practical,and I dont remember anyone complaining.Dad used to be shaving in front of the Wash Basin,someone gone to the Toilet and someone for bath.And now the time has come for this arrangement due to lack of space,and very expensive Real Estate Prices



The Evergreen Actor,Ashok Kumar loved Toilets.He used to spend upto 2 hours everyday inside.When some journalist asked him the reason,he said he likes to paint inside,and that too in the Buff some people drink Tea inside while on the Camode,and some eat Sandwiches.As for me, I love to read,and smoke,and taking in the Aroma unleashed by the Rumbling Bowels of mine.Mala Sinha the actress had a false ceiling in her bathroom, which the Income Tax People broke down to find Lakhs of Rupees hidden inside.This is not tried anymore these days



And now after more than 20 years since we got the Bunglow constructed,my wife and daughter want the toilets Redone with the latest in Town.We went to see,first the Camodes.Starting from the cheapest 1500 ones, we saw some of 50,000/-.Pretty no doubt, with the Birds and the Bees hand painted on the Camode.I asked the salesman, what precious metal is the Camode made of to justify the price.He just laughed and told me , this is the same porcelain material, just the workmanship cost Sir.I told him when i sit on the Camode,i can't see the workmanship, do you mean to say, I should do the job,with the Bathroom door open,so neighbours can see the workmanship, and see me sitting on the expensive throne ?Sadly, he had no answer.



I remember a dialogue in the movie " Pakeeza", wherein Raj Kumar Tells Meena Kumari " Yeh Pair itne nazuk Hai, inhe Zameen pe mat Rakhna,Yeh Maile Ho Jayeege ".Roughly it means " Dont keep yr dainty feet on the Ground,they will get Dirty.I feel the reverse about my Backside.It is too ordinary to be kept on such expensive Camode's. Japan has the most expensive Camodes,totally computerised,costing over a lakh each,whereby u can adjust the jet of water, the temperature of it,and it can swipe yr backside clean,without you having to clean yourself and sullying your hands.



My Concept of a bathroom is something I have not seen anywhere yet,meaning all under one roof.My bathroom would be thus:Sit on the Camode, having a cup of tea,or a Sandwich,while nature takes its toll.And have a lap Top on yr lap,and keep checking yr mails,and keep chatting at the same time.Just imagine u are answering someone,who happens to be a lady,and u are answering while on the loo ! If the other lady finds this out,boy you will be out of her life for ever.And be sure to close the Web Cam Button,which if on, can ruin your life for sure.



And I would like Air condition in the bathroom,along with Music of my choice,A TV Connection too,wherein I could be updated with the latest going ons,and no one to disturb me for an hour or two,and I can watch the pretty female politicians on TV,but they cant see me.And a nice Deodorant coming out simultanously from the AC, to wipe out the smell,and give a wonderful Aroma.



The latest the Sanitary Shops have come out with is this.Give them a picture of any God or yr ancestor, and they will superimpose that picture on a Tile for a 100 Bucks.I saw various samples of Gods and ordinary people ,and I was curious.I asked the Salesman, how the hell can i put these God tiles and My Grandfather in the Bathroom ?How can I change in front of them,and do my Jobs ?And then my wife and daughter also use the same bathroom,and how can Gods see them, you see ?



The salesman was roaring with laughter.Stupid , he said,these are not to be kept in the bathrooms , but in the Pooja Room.The pictures get dirty and torn, with them on these tiles pasted on the walls, just clean them with a clean piece of cloth,and they will last for years.I got the point finally,that I am very old fashioned for today's times,really.



And now the voyeurs have taken over the Bathrooms.A few years back, a poona Landlord,had given his Flat on rent to a few working ladies,and he was caught voyeuring them in the bathroom, via a web cam.And a Jaipur Hotel too was doing the same to a young couple on their honeymoon.So I suppose it is safer to put on a mask,with two holes to see,before taking off your clothes in a strange bathroom or enviorment ! This way even if seen on the net or on some site,one can safely say," thats not me ".



I have been to House Warming parties of quite a few people here in Jaipur,rather of Bunglows,and the first thing they will take you to show is not the Bedroom,or the Drawing room,nor the Pooja Room,But,your guess is as good as mine, the Bathroom.And tell u the brand, and the price.And its good they did not invite me to be the Chief Guest ,as I do not want to cut the Ribbon to the Camode,and do the Honours,with the hosts looking on.


I get the best thoughts and ideas when on the Pot.The great Poet Shakesphere,was it, who rightly said


When the **** Cometh Down,
The Thoughts cometh In.



KAMAL MAHTANI

 

Shanti,

You dont drink or eat in the loo ! How sad

I just smoke and read the news paper on th e pot and i get my best ideas there.

Yes just for doing a natural job, people spend so much on bathrooms i can never understand.

Thanks and regards.kamal

 

Veda,

Well we all have old memories,and bits of information stored up.What i do is if i get a subject, put in some new, some phrses and lo a blog is born.

Basically mine are what i call silly blogs,but i am happy they bring a smile on yr face and other readers.

and they say if u laugh, yr choldestrol levels come down, so do BP.So dont u think u should give me a fee for making u well and laugh ? 10 Ruppes a blog will do, Veda

Glad u liked it.Thanks and regards.kamal