Need Help

rima1026 · May 29, 2010

Hi All,

I wanted to shared what I am going through.

I am working in IT comp and got a chance to go onsite 3 yrs back, I always wanted to quit job after marriage so that I can raise my kids. So I wanted go onsite for a few years so that I can save for my family and latter on quit my job. But he didn’t let me go stating he can’t live without me. He also sated that he would take care of my finance in future.

I shifted to another place because if him, He paid for most of the stuffs (I don’t even remember how much, cz I never thought it would be important).

During initial days he used to give me money whenever required. Now I can take care of finance.
2 yrs back he wanted to buy a flat, I told him I can’t afford to pay EMI since I already had a loan which I took, he told me he would take care of it. I took a personal loan again to meet the 20% of flat cost since bank doesn’t pay 100% cost as part of home loan.

Now my brother met with a huge loss in his business and now is he is just able to meet the needs, and wanted 2 lakhs for buying a flat. So asked me if I can take a loan, EMI would be paid by them, only problem is he can’t take direct loan form bank because of some issue. My BF is asking me not to take the loan since incase faces loss in his business he wouldn’t be able to pay EMI.

But I wanted to help them, when I told my BF that I would take the load, he told me I own him 3 lakhs. He did some calculation and included the additional costs of buying flat. I refused and told him that it was him who wanted to buy flat and I made it very clear that I was not in apposition to afford the flat that time.
He is saying how wouldn’t marry me and wants to break up.

My question is am I wrong in helping my family? I wanted to go to onsite to meet the additional expenses. Still whenever we fight he raises this pt that he gave me money and still give me sometimes (he give me, I never asked him).

It hurts becase its not that I can’t earn more, I could have but only cz of him I didn’t

I don’t know where I am going wrong, but I am really tired of this. I wanted to shared with all IL friends. Even as I am typing I am crying, I am so tired now and feel stressed out al the time because of his nature.

Can any one please advice what I should do?

flowerlady · May 29, 2010

I feel sorry for you ! You are a nice trusting person ,its your BF who is at fault.
He did not let you go onsite , neither did he marry you.
You took a loan 20 % for his flat so he owes you money ,not you.
He is being nasty , no doubt , leave him before he fools you again.
Since you are working you can help your sis too in good faith hoping that the loan will be repaid. But why should they buy a flat when they dont have money ?? What if BIL defaults citing bad patch ?
By the way your BF and your family are treating you like an ATM since you are an easy touch making good money with no family of your own.
Taking loans for sisters marriage , BFs flat and now Sisters flat is too much.
What about your marriage and your own flat for a change.
Ask for your 20% from BF and tell sis you are buying your own flat.
Your sisters married , buying a flat while you are sitting and crying living with a man who counting pennies and does not want to marry you.

No point in wasting time waiting for BF to reform. Say bye to him and be happy !
Think about yourself for a change as nobody else seems to be doing it.

rima1026 · May 31, 2010

flowerlady said: ↑

I feel sorry for you ! You are a nice trusting person ,its your BF who is at fault.
He did not let you go onsite , neither did he marry you.
You took a loan 20 % for his flat so he owes you money ,not you.
He is being nasty , no doubt , leave him before he fools you again.
Since you are working you can help your sis too in good faith hoping that the loan will be repaid. But why should they buy a flat when they dont have money ?? What if BIL defaults citing bad patch ?
By the way your BF and your family are treating you like an ATM since you are an easy touch making good money with no family of your own.
Taking loans for sisters marriage , BFs flat and now Sisters flat is too much.
What about your marriage and your own flat for a change.
Ask for your 20% from BF and tell sis you are buying your own flat.
Your sisters married , buying a flat while you are sitting and crying living with a man who counting pennies and does not want to marry you.

No point in wasting time waiting for BF to reform. Say bye to him and be happy !
Think about yourself for a change as nobody else seems to be doing it.
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot for replying!

My BF called and patched up. What he told me is that he wanted to save for us both Also they asked me not to take the loan since they have some other plan.
But your reply helped me to rethink what I was doing, your are correct. I think now I should think abt myself and my future. Ofcourse we can't make happy everyone.

Thanks a lot!

flowerlady · May 31, 2010

What patch up ? Give him an ultimatum, marry or quit . Take charge of your life for a change.
Maybe he is having problems running his household without you.
Time to give him an ultimatum marry or the relationship is off. Sorry to say that BF is keeping you on a leash by delaying the marriage and making you invest money.Its his wish when he marries you or are you delaying ?

Time flies fast. He cannot keep you waiting forever just because you have invested 3 lakhs in the flat.
Its good that you are co-owner of the flat but it happens only after the flat is handed over and the registary done. He may ask you to put in more money for installments maybe thats why he is against sisters loan .Why discuss sisters loan while patching up?
Please invest wisely in your name in future, stop all loans . Sis and BF can walk away if they wish and you will the loser.

Send signals that you are heavily in debt already and cannot take loans for anybody including BF .Make your own single investmests etc.
At the end of the day one should not feel used by family or BF or even husband.
Take care !