MIL suggesting non veg diet for DS

Re: veg/non veg issues- for DS

Just curious, what is the reason that you are dead against non-veg? May sound like an irrelevant question or that I am taking the thread on a tangent. But trust me, I am not.
If you could find out your intention, it will help you see the problem to it's real magnitude.

1. Are you trying to raise DS as vegetarian because you are a vegetarian? OR
2. Is it because non-veg is not good for health in your belief? OR
3. Is it due to some religious reasons? OR
4. Is it because there is a power struggle between your mind and MIL's decision? OR
5. Is it more of a question like 'who has authority on what'?

An inclination in the best interest of the child would be worth the hassle.

In my opinion, to grow up as Veg/Non-Vegetarian is your SON's right. Ofcourse when he is little, as parents you guys need to take decisions for him. But, do not view it as a question of 'whose right it is?'. Introspect why you are against Non-Veg as opposed to why you have to agree with your MIL. That would help shed more light into the problem if any.

 

Re: veg/non veg issues- for DS

Dont worry our inlaws are stronger than us.. and they shall be here much longer than us :rotfl.
A mother always finds a way to fulfill the child's need, if you cant cook you will either hire a cook or can get it outside.. these days most of the working mommies are barely cooking veg food.. leave alone the non-veg.

Let the child explore tastes of both the families and decide his choices... many a times true veg families also provide non-veg items to kids on docs advice.

At times I used to get charged up that what shall happen to kids once grandparents go back to their place, who will have the time for their outing or extra care, but then realised very few are the lucky ones to get love from their grandparents & surprisingly kids settle back to their mommies choice in a longer run.
I also mentioned the same to my MIL and asked her to let go any wierd behaviour of mine that came out of this insecurity and she said.. dont worry I'll come back soon or if you want I'll take one child with me... but yes I cant stay in this city forever... I need to be back to where I belong :bonk.

I feel your MIL is not stubborn but simply trying to find if her grandson loves non veg as her son, stay calm for this issue is what I feel.

 

Re: veg/non veg issues- for DS

Hi headspin

You wrote "i have always tried told everyone that i want my child to be a vegetarian" but didn't tell us if your husband agreed on this ? Generally in mixed marriages (Inter-caste/religious/cultures/food preferences), there are discussions and agreements as to how much each one compromises and how the children are raised. It is not a mother's decision or a father's but both decide on which aspect of each one's background you'll follow for the kids.

If it has not been agreed between you and DH on the food preference for your children , I guess there is not point in getting upset now. Would it have made a difference to you if your DH is the one feeding your child the non-veg food instead of MIL?

In my case, I have certain food preference , I don't live with my ILs but don't have a problem with my DH feeding the kids food that I don't like. Maybe they'll develop a taste for it and moreover they are 'our' kids not 'mine' . We both have a say in their upbringing.

 

Re: veg/non veg issues- for DS

Headspin,

I understand your fear that your kid would turn non-veg as he will be fed with it routinely and your disappraoval of the same you being a veg and with your own preferences of raising the kid.

As you are a working mom and MIL is in-charge of the kid for the entire day, you'll have no control when she gives him non-veg. With your post, it is clear that she is not ready to respect your preference and would feed it especially when your DH supports her in this. The best solution would be to talk to your DH and explain him that this preference is important to you (it is possible that DH and MIL are not able to understand the gravity of the situation - they might be just taking it as a casual thing and dont really understand how much it is upsetting you) and try to convince him. If he is convinced then let him handle his mom and instruct her accordingly.

However, if he doesnt agree, then as one of the posters said, just let the kid explore tastes of both and decide what he prefers later on. He might remain non-veg throughout of his life or may even turn a veg when he reaches the age to make concious decisions about his likes and dislikes.

For example, me and DH have been brought up in non-veg families and hence were non-veg (we were 'used' to non-veg as it was taught to us from childhood). However, after reaching adulthood, we decided not to eat it anymore and became veg. So, both of us are veg now and havent touched non-veg since more than 14-15 yrs now.

Though both our families continue to eat non-veg (my MIL just LOVES it), we *prefer* our DD to be veg. We (DH and me) have expressed our preference to our families and so far they have respected it. However, I cant still guruntee that DD will remain veg forever her life as I prefer (she might decide to turn non-veg in her adulthood just like we turned veg) and if she wants to experiment with it, we wont stop her. I would not like it, but I would let it go as afterall it would be HER choice to decide.

I can understand that this issue which might appear to be small to your family is disturbing your peace...But let go of the things wherein we have no control.

~S.

 

Re: veg/non veg issues- for DS

Dear Headspin,
I think because you are upset with other things .. this is making you more angry.

Its not a big deal. You cannot force a child. He will eat when he grows up as its cooked in the house or he will follow dad to restaurants. Do you want him to follow you no matter what? You say your DH is a mamma's boy.. do you want your DS to be the same?

I am non veg and DH is veg. But he is not forcing on the child because ultimately its the child's choice. when they grow up and choose to be veg like my DH no one can do anything.

Think about it calmly.
FL

 

Your mil isn't a paid nanny under your employment, and hence, you will not really be able to enforce your will on her that much. As a parent it's your right to raise your child how you wish.... and sometimes that means hiring a babysitter/nanny to care for your child instead of getting free child care from a relative. So guess you have to decide.... FREE child care or raising your child YOUR WAY. Sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it too... this is probably one of those times.

Also, just because he eats nonveg as a child, doesn't mean he can't later become a vegetarian when he gets older. Likewise, even if you raise him as a vegetarian, doesn't mean he will always stay vegetarian. Parent's influence only last so long, especially when it comes to freedom of choice.

 

You should let your child decide if he wants to be a veg / non-veg..

let him try the non veg dishes if he likes it then good if he doesnt like it then they will not give him non veg..

My dh was brought up a Veg.. but once in his teens he tasted non-veg and he said it is the BEST THING IN THE WORLD & WHY I DIDNT EAT IT BEFORE.. so he is eating it now..